Living Hazzardously

Little pieces of our journey with Jesus

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Sam’s Place

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The first human in space was the Soviet cosmonaut Yuri Gagarin, who made one orbit around Earth on April 12, 1961, on a flight that lasted 108 minutes. 

Throughout time humans have ventured out of their comfort zone to achieve great, noble, extraordinary & transformative work. Creatively developing new ways to explore, discover and synchronize the world with our ingenuity. 

Providing care for those who need a bit more help in life is how Jess and myself want to spend our energy and resources.

If we surrender to God’s will, what would He have us do? I was reading this morning in one of my favorite books, Ecclesiastes. It says (paraphrased) after you die, you are forgotten in time by everyone you have ever known, except for God. So, in light of this truth, should we not strive to do those things that are most precious to our LORD?

In the year 1885 a statue was starting to be sculpted in France, America was also known for something that inspired this monumental project. Perhaps best explained with an excerpt from a sonnet written for a fundraising event in support of the statue project. See if you recognize this snippet: “Give me your tired, your poor, your huddled masses yearning to breathe free.”

Luke 10 talks about a man who was robbed, beaten and left for dead on the side of the road. Some excellent community members all avoided this man and made excuses to not help, but a foreigner of the land who was despised as an outsider came along and helped this man and took care of him.

Isaiah 1:17 Directs us about how we should change for the better: “learn to do good; seek justice, correct oppression; bring justice to the fatherless, plead the widow’s cause.”

2 Thessalonians 3:13 Gives us direction and encouragement to not quit: “But as for you, brothers and sisters, do not grow weary of doing good.”

1 John 3:17 Tells us to help those in need out of our prosperity, “But whoever has the world’s goods, and sees his brother in need and closes his heart against him, how does the love of God abide in him?”

Orphans, Widows, Samaritans, Tax Collectors, Poor and Needy. 

It is out of this desire to serve that Jess and I have jumped in with both feet and we bought something, something huge, we bought a hospital. Yes, you read that correctly, we bought a hospital.

Introducing “Sam’s Place”

Why “Sam’s Place”? As you may already know, we lost our son, Sam, to an accidental drug overdose in 2022. But his story is more than addiction, much more. Sam was loving, kind and selfless. Sam had a passion for those people in his life that needed a bit more help. Selflessness seemed to just naturally flow from Sam like a great river that waters and nourishes the valley it flows into, always providing, always showing kindness, always listening.

The stories we could tell of Sam would fill this blog for years, but the point I am trying to convey is that Sam was an inspiration and to this day his legacy continues as the name “Sams Place” will now be forever entered into the record books as a reference to caring for the needy. Understanding Sam means you understand gentleness, kindness and love. Sam just had a way of being there for all who “don’t exactly fit”, those that “need a little extra help”. The verse carved on the statue of liberty describes Sam, he lived this verse but also lived for this verse:

“Give me your tired, your poor, your huddled masses yearning to breathe free.”

So here we are, taking the “Old Bigfork Hospital” into the next chapter. A brief history:

1938 construction started for the first rural hospital in North Itasca, 8 beds total.

1953 4 more beds were added with the new addition totaling 12.

1965 the hospital was retired and started a new use as a retirement home.

Over the years the building morphed into the riverside residence and started serving more folks with special needs.

As time went on, the building became more outdated and needed more updates. 

Normally Alex would have been the one to stop for this type of service call, but he was busy, so I stopped to see what we could do. 2 of the three boilers failed, causing the building to heat only in one small section. Electric space heaters littered the building like tiny islands of heat in the arctic wasteland. I just knew this was calling for Jess and me to take action. We both knew from that very first day, this is a divine appointment.  

We realized early, this transformation won’t happen overnight, we need all new windows, exterior doors, roof work, updated electrical panels (still 1938 fuses), heating systems (we hope to add AC in the future) … ALL NEW INTERIOR, a garden out front, a parking lot in back…. The list is endless, and we know it’s a big, long project. And as if that were not enough, my “pipe dream”, a small breakfast cafe open to the public, known for the best cinnamon rolls north of MacGregor!

Jess and I have drafted mission & vision statements we would like to share with you:

Sam’s Place Mission statement: 

Empowering extraordinary opportunities. Highlighting intrinsic human value. Allying the local community. Magnifying individual development, productivity, dignity and independence for our residents.

Sam’s Place Vision Statement:

At Sam’s Place, our vision is to create a clean, organized, and secure living environment for all our residents. We emphasize community involvement, recognizing that all humans are made in the image of the Creator and all people are infinitely valuable in our world. This fundamental belief places community at the heart of our operations.

Our approach to mealtimes extends beyond nourishment; it is about fostering community connections. Whether through a voucher system with local eateries or special meals during community events, we aim to enrich residents’ lives through social interaction. Our aspiration includes launching a community-accessible breakfast cafe within our facility, enhancing both resident and community engagement.

We are committed to personal development, offering our residents opportunities to learn and grow through activities like card and board games, karaoke, book clubs, and crafting workshops. Our staff provides essential guidance in daily life skills, ensuring that every resident receives support tailored to their needs.

Safety is paramount. We implement robust security measures, including controlled access and privacy fencing, particularly around key communal areas like our community garden, which boasts a stunning river view.

Ultimately, our goal is to deliver unparalleled care, upholding the dignity, purpose, and meaning of life for each resident. At Sam’s Place, every individual is valued and treated with the utmost respect, embodying our core belief in the profound worth of every person.

We have plenty to do in this project, but when we are done, our hope is to provide a home for between 16-20 people, where our vision statement can thrive. We invite your support and assistance on this fantastic journey, whatever your level of support, we strongly covet your prayers. 

The Team at “Sam’s Place” thank you in advance for all you do.

Matthew 25:35-40 – “For I was hungry, and you gave me food, I was thirsty, and you gave me drink, I was a stranger and you welcomed me, I was naked, and you clothed me, I was sick, and you visited me, I was in prison, and you came to me. Truly I tell you, whatever you did for one of the least of these brothers and sisters of mine, you did for me.

Now is the time for action! Join us today on this worthwhile journey, developing this dream even further than we had imagined. Remember, you are also infinitely valuable in our world.

Jess and Charlie

Livinghazzardously

Embracing the New as an Autism Mom

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Charlie, Al and I after Al’s baptism in the lake in September, 2018.

 

It is hard for me to believe that it was less than four years ago that Charlie and I got married and started a new chapter of life.  We both had years of practice in what NOT to do in marriage. We both had years of practice on how to screw things up and make bad choices.  Yet, through the grace of God, we were both given a second chance at sharing life with a best friend.

Charlie shared last week on his experience of becoming an autism stepdad.  It was interesting for me to read because, quite honestly, I have been an autism mom to Al for almost 21 years and to me the abnormal often seems just plain normal. Charlie is an amazing Dad.  He has done an awesome job with his three biological sons, and he has worked really hard to understand both of my sons and to be an awesome stepdad to them. He has really helped me to see Al with new eyes because I have become blind to much of what he does that makes him special. Charlie has helped me to see out of the box and tackle behaviors with fresh vision and perspective.

Al and I have had tough years.  The season we are currently in is full of such peace that I am overwhelmed with gratitude. The middle and high school years were the WORST for us and for those out there who are in that season now, I want you to know that there is HOPE.  It doesn’t feel like it when you are in the middle of it, but things do get better.

Al was diagnosed with autism at the age of five when his speech therapist, occupational therapist and preschool teacher all came to us with concerns.  My ex and I were in denial. We knew that Al had speech and fine motor delays, but we thought he would grow out of it. Al was my first child and I didn’t pick up on the signs right away.  He was a happy, chubby guy and I was a new mom trying to figure out how life worked with a baby. When he qualified for early childhood special ed services, I still believed that he would just grow out of his delays.  After receiving the official diagnosis of autism and doing some research, I soon discovered that although Al would gain skills, he would always have autism and it would always affect his ability to process information and communicate.  It would also always affect his social interactions and emotional intelligence.

As Al got older, we tried every kind of therapy imaginable.  Nearly every day was spent hurrying from appointment to appointment with little brother Sam in tow.  My life became consumed with meeting Al’s needs and trying to help him gain the skills he would need to function in life.  He made great strides in some areas, and in others he seemed stuck. I could handle Al’s language and processing deficits. I could handle his gross and fine motor delays.  What was the hardest to handle and manage were the aggressive behaviors that Al began to exhibit in late elementary school and which continued to increase throughout high school.  It was an incredibly difficult time for all of us and resulted in Al being hospitalized in the mental health unit at the local hospital four times and being shuffled between six different school environments in four years.  My first marriage ended during this time and Al’s younger brother, Sam, went to live with his Dad, spending opposite weekends from Al with me, in order to maintain his safety and some semblance of sanity in his day to day life.  

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This time in my life was emotionally and physically exhausting and I lived moment by moment, constantly on edge, just trying to survive. I have read that mothers of adolescents and adults with autism experience chronic stress comparable to combat soldiers and I believe that because I have lived it.  I have many stories. Few that I want to repeat and none that I want to relive. I just thank God every single day that Al’s level of aggression has subsided.  I thank God everyday that Al is not delusional and threatening to hurt people. I thank God everyday that I can bring Al out into public without fear of the police being called or a fight being started.  

Charlie came into our life near the end of this time.  He experienced some of the very worst moments and he did not run away.  I used to say that I would never remarry because no man would possibly be able to handle Al.  Then came Charlie. Charlie has been so good for me and Al. When he married me, he knew that my boys and I were a package deal. Even though he doesn’t always understand, he always tries to.  He remain calms. He doesn’t try to bully Al into behaving. He observes and listens and helps and brainstorms and encourages and reinforces. We function as a team and Al knows this. Al respects Charlie. He loves Charlie.  

Here are my suggestions for any autism mom who has experienced divorce, but has found a new man who wants to be her best friend for life.

  • Make sure your future husband is committed not only to you, but to God. No blended family can survive without God at the center, with or without children with special needs.
  • Make sure your future husband is committed not only to you, but to your children, through thick and thin.
  • Remember that you have years of experience with your children, that your new spouse does not.  Don’t expect him to just “get it”.
  • Your husband comes first and you and your spouse are a team.  Do not favor your child over your husband. Do not take sides against each other.  If you disagree on something, take time to discuss it away from the children. Remember: You are not enemies. (NOTE: This does not apply in the case of any kind of abuse!)
  • Don’t assume your spouse does not know anything because he is new to parenting your child.  Stepparents can see things that you may have started ignoring or given up on years ago. Fresh eyes can bring new insight and wisdom.  Be willing to accept feedback and advice.

Charlie and I are still fairly new to this whole blended family thing. Although we love each other to the moon and back, there are times when it is just plain hard.  Add special needs to the mix and at times it can seem impossible. Our faith is the glue that holds us together. Without God, we would never be able to navigate the stormy waters without drowning.  Don’t try to go at it alone. Rely on God and reach out to a community of believers to lean on in tough times. Feel free to reach out to us. We don’t know your story, but we would love to listen and help where we can.  You are not alone. God is good.

Letting Go

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Long before I became a follower of Jesus, I started going on a yearly serenity retreat weekend at the Franciscan Retreat House in Prior Lake, Minnesota.  The retreats were open to anyone in AA/Al-Anon and although a Catholic mass was held on Sunday morning, attendance was completely optional and there was no faith requirement.

I loved the retreats.  Father Howard or other guest speakers would teach lessons on the 12 Steps from the AA Big Book and we would break into small groups and sit in circles throughout the halls and library of the musty retreat house and talk about our hurts and struggles with complete strangers.  There was something mystical to me about the retreat house that at the time captivated me.  The candles, the quiet, the long, underground hallway with the Stations of the Cross, the secret statues hidden along the path in the woods, and the benches scattered all about the grounds were to me symbols of the peace I felt at this place of rest.  I understood nothing about the Catholic faith or the true meaning of the stations and statues, but I felt at peace in the rooms and on the grounds.  This is where I first started to pray and journal and listen for the voice of God. A God that I didn’t yet know, but that I felt drawn to all the same.

Can you recall a time in your life when you heard God’s voice so clearly, that there was no denying it was God?  I have had a few of those God moments, and the first occurred at one of these serenity retreats.  My son, Al, had just been diagnosed with autism and I was struggling with the shock, fear, guilt and confusion that comes with the diagnosis of disability. Al was my first child, and we didn’t pick up on the signs right away.  In fact, Al was five years old before he was diagnosed with autism.  I felt tremendous guilt over not recognizing the signs and ignoring them once they became evident.  I now know that I was in denial.  I wanted to believe that it was nothing.  That he was just a little developmentally delayed. That he would catch up.  When I heard the word autism, I had no idea what it meant.  I spent night after night reading everything I could about it and what therapies or medications would fix it.  ABA, PT, OT, Speech, special diet, aquatic therapy, horse therapy, supplements, chelation…I was flooded with information and suggestions and completely overwhelmed.

As I sat among the circle of chairs in the little library at the retreat house, waiting for my turn to share, all of the fear and anxiety welled up inside of me like a geyser ready to erupt.  Suddenly, my attention was drawn to the woman who sat across from me.  She was sharing about her daughter who struggled with drug addiction.  The hurting mother had spent years trying to fix her, but God had recently spoken to her and told her, “I LOVE HER MORE THAN YOU DO.  LET HER GO.”

As she spoke, it was like the whole world went silent and the lights went out.  All I heard were those words in my head, and I knew at that very moment that God was speaking to me through that stranger.  I didn’t know her name then, and I still don’t today, but I know without a doubt that God used her to speak into my heart  that day.  God loves my son more than I do.  To some, that may seem so obvious, but I did not know God.  I did not know John 3:16 For God so loved the world, that he gave his only Son, that whoever believes in Him should not perish but have eternal life or 1 John 3:1 See what kind of love the Father has given to us, that we should be called children of God; and so we are.  But that day, God spoke to me and I knew that because He loved my son even more than I did, he would be okay.

It is hard to let go.  I can’t tell you how many times since that day, I have grasped onto the truth of those words.  I have had to remind myself time and time again that God loves my children more that I do and even though I want to protect them and fix them, I can’t.  I have to let them go to God and trust,  Trust that God is faithful and God is in control and that God works for those who wait for Him (Isaiah 64:4).

I was reminded of that today and thought maybe somebody else needed to hear it.