Living Hazzardously

Little pieces of our journey with Jesus

Pages

When is it enough

by

I was thinking about my father, I was disconnected from my family, I didn’t really spend much time thinking about the old man… I did my own thing. How he hadnt realy any opinion about me joining the Navy… That decision led me onto path of no return, a path that filled my life with anxiety, depression and chaos. I knew God, or at least a form of God that I liked. My God stood around waiting for me to need him, and I seldom actually needed him.

The Navy was a disaster for me, I signed up, went to do the intake to become an electronics specialist, something I really enjoyed and was a challenge. That is the day my life fell apart. I was “IN” the Navy and had no way to escape enlistment. I scored really high on all the tests, I could have gone into the Nuclear program until… I was pulled out of line into a closed room where I was interrogated for about half an hour. Alone, I was left until the end of the day, stressed out and scared, no support, a teenager that entered that day with dreams of success and hope for a great future… I was finally told I had two choices. 

I remembered the tests from my early days, 6th grade I think… “Look at this picture and tell me the number you see?” over and over, card after card, when it was done, not a word… I thought “OHH GOOD, I PASSED THE COLOR BLIND TEST!”

It was now that fateful day after getting pulled aside. Navy doctors scrutinized my every part, every answer, interaction… Something was not right, but what? At age 18, I was informed, “You are color blind” They went on to say “Did you really think you could fool us?” Gasping for my breath, they continued to describe what will happen to if I continued to lie on official US dept of Navy documents.

My dreams slipped out of my mind like a walleye always, somehow finds a hole in the bottom of a fishing net.

Terrified, I was told they would give me a break. Taking another type of test, this time three colored lights, one green, one white and one red. I was relieved they told me the colors, at least I knew what to look for… I could tell the reds… NAILED THE REDS. I had no clue about the whites and greens, they both looked identical…

In a fit of disbelief, the doctors said, “How could you not know you are color blind?” I had 2 choices, become a cook in the belly of the beast feeding thousands of men (believe me, that was not appealing) or become “Builder” (guess what i picked)? I went on the be trained on how to take an unleveled spot of ground and transform it into a building with all the finishes.

How was I able to make it through 18 years of life without knowing? I don’t see colors like everyone around me? The answer to this was located in the same brain that was deficient in determining colors. It’s actually my super power. I discovered my dyslexia was actually a super power very late in life. Don’t get me wrong, I knew I had dyslexia.

I dropped out of school in Tenth grade, abandoning a two year, all expense paid scholorship at the U of M… I’ve knew I had dyslexia from before 6th grade, but I had no idea it was actually a “super power”.

The same “deficiency that makes me have scrambled words and makes writing so difficult and reading nearly impossible allows me to excel in “pattern recognition”… TROUBLSHOOTING! It’s what makes electronics so appealing and makes my brain see problems so easily.

But, not just patterns in things and stuff. Dyslexia helps me recognize patterns in personalities, systems, procedures and concepts.

Are you wondering “how can he drive? He can’t see green lights” … But, I can see patterns and I can recognize shapes and systems, so even though I can’t see that green light, I can see when the light is “out” of place or better yet, I can see when a light is “supposed to be there”. 

Dyslexia is a super power, and even though I can’t see green lights, spot a drop of blood on a brown leaf, determine the colors on a color code for electronics… I learned to adapt, overcome and actually excel in trouble shooting industrial boilers. I had a super power! I would not trade this super power in to be able to see colors, even If I could. 

I sit back and wonder why I was never told, “you are color blind” . Was this some cheap way of sparing my gentle heart from the disappointment of not being “perfect”? Imagine what difference it would have made if I had known I was color blind? I didn’t know I was color blind because instead I have the super power of Dyslexia. I was able to not just overcome the issue of not seeing colors, but it helped me develop my career and adult life in an amazing way…

I was told I had a deficiency in seeing colors, a deficiency in reading and writing and as my 6th grade teacher wrote on my year end report card “Charlie is not much use”… The reality is, my brain was different, and my teachers were not smart enough to provide me with the healthy challenges and guidance I needed to become successful, so I became “Autodidactic”.

God alone knew my path, he protected my journey, he was kind and loving, he gave me a “super power” and I bet you have one as well! Have you discovered it yet? I was in my late 40s when I started to discover I actually have two super powers, the other is called ADHD… Neither of them needed to be muted, they work in harmony… If you know what to look for, you will see ADHD has the gift of “hyper focus” and that hyper focus coupled with superior pattern recognition means my brain is perfect for troubleshooting almost anything, God knew that, God gave me this combined gift. 

Have you discovered your super power? If not, reach out in prayer today and ask God to give you a correct view of your life. Maybe stop, ask God to reveal to you what his will is for you, he has one. God made you perfect, and you would benefit from knowing just how perfect HE made you. 

In HIS service, C.

PS, no, I really cant see a number in the picture

PSS, Join the Navy, see the world, from the belly of a ship….

The cold has descended from the north.

by

Winter sets in and reminds us to bundle our fragile bodies with arctic defying layers to protect our ever desired warmth. Oil furnaces start with a mighty puff. Lp and Natural gas furnaces start with a gentle woosh. Wood fires start with a strike of a match in the basements of so many homes. The heating season is on us like Groot on a laser light or a bouncing ball. 

Last week we took a day trip, Drax and Groot stayed at the farm as they do so many days. Playing and “protecting” the chickens from the many predators desiring a quick chicken dinner. As we arrived back home I noticed something “out of the norm”… Groot wasn’t in his normal spot and Drax was unseen. As I maneuvered into the parking spot, parking with the precision of a blind air traffic ground crew. Still no Drax. I approach the house behind Al moving at lightning speed, on a mission to check and make sure his “stuff” in his room has not disintegrated into a vapor while he was gone for hours…  I noticed a patch of blood, large, fresh and in the pattern of a paw… Two large pawed pups made the way into the house right behind Al. 

I discover Drax has a gushing wound on his paw, he is breathing rapidly and very shallow, his gums are pale and he gently lays down in front of me as if to say, “you are not walking past me dad”… I squat down, seeing a pulse of blood oozing out, I move into doctor mode “JESS, GRAB A WRAP OF SOME TYPE, NOW!” After a year’s long wait Jess comes flying around the corner with a towel and I proceed to wrap up the paw… “Direct pressure” I exclaimed “I need to get changed into something more suitable, hold this for a minute while I get changed” In my super man mode I am able to pass though walls and floors into the bedroom where I find a quick change of clothes. Now it’s time for my assistant, “Jess, change into some grubbies…”

Slide the time line forward, Drax is fully recovered and no worse for the wear. What’s with this dog? Last year he chased a plow truck and got a broken paw and bruised lung… leading to the GPS collar (may I add, that’s literally been a life saver).

Job 37:6 Doing great things which we do not comprehend.

For to the snow He says, ‘Fall on the earth,’

Job37:9,10 From the south comes the storm,

And from the north wind the cold.

From the breath of God ice is made,

And the expanse of the waters is frozen.

I thank God he protected our pup yet again this year as the winter descends like a howling wolf. It was about this same time last year Drax played tag with the plow… winter is a bit rougher in Itasca County than it was in Scott County. There is a side of appreciation to this winter wonder land. It tests a man, makes a man stop and think… God is so much bigger than our “issues” God determines the earth, spins it on its axis and draws the cold from the north, the heat from the south and measures the length of the days… He is in charge, and he is the one we lean on… 

We praise God in the dark, in the light, in the sorrow, and in the Joy.

Today is Sam’s birthday, he has been sober and clean for 1,186 days… There is joy in this thought, even when we feel sad in our loss. 

Join with me in remembering the young man I remember, Sam. How he always took time to help those less fortunate, those in need and those that didn’t fit in. His love and generosity are a guide post for us still today.

Are you feeling the winter blues? Come on, it’s too early for that. Being grumpy, upset and sad won’t change anything, but deciding to find the joy in everything sure makes things better. 

Today, continue the thanksgiving and giving thanks from last Thursday, keep it in your heart the whole year and see what the Lord will do with that… 

C.

Stop Kicking the Goads… You are only hurting yourself!

by

Are you as stubborn as a mule? Are you as determined as a donkey? Are you as cantankerous as a cat? Are you as bearish as a bull? Are you as grumpy as a goat?

Why? 

This week I was observing somebody that continues to “kick against the Goads”, day after day, pushing, fighting every rule, blaming every problem on someone else… Even though they are the one causing the pain, discomfort and trouble… 

Goad: A board with spikes strategically placed behind the legs of an ox to prevent kicking and backing up. A long pole with a spike on the end used to direct oxen. 

The words of the wise are like goads…Ecc 12:11 

And when we had all fallen to the ground, I heard a voice saying to me in the Hebrew dialect, ‘Saul, Saul, why are you persecuting Me? It is hard for you to kick against the goads.’ Acts 26:14

This reminded me of one of my all time favorite skits, from Bob Newhart:

STOP IT!

Look it up for a good laugh, (Im not allowed to post the link I guess).

Is this normal? Does everyone try to push against the simplest of rules? Why do we make our lives so painful by always pushing against simple rules? I thought “perhaps it’s a lack of self control?” or perhaps someone protected them from consequences in the formative years? Or maybe they just like to feel pain and discomfort? I for one, do not keep pushing against a goad, or do I? I mean think about it, are we the author to our own pain and trouble?… probably, I guess… 

As I get older, I realize the pain I inflict on myself because I have my fierce independence!! It is truly a ridiculous cause… When my oldest son Chris was about 3-4, able to speak, able to understand, able to talk… I told him “Don’t touch the fireplace, HOT!” and he agreed it would be a bad Idea… I walked out of the room, and seconds later I heard the whale of a small boy as he left his index finger print permanently on the glass door of the fireplace… WHY?

Imagine if he had listened, imagine if he had never stretched out that right hand and disobeyed Pops? Imagine if I had protected him from ever falling down, getting burnt and never let him have his BB gun in the house to shoot out the window… perhaps he would have become a mid forties man, kicking at the goad, causing his own discomfort and pain… never to understand if he just stopped kickin, just stopped rebelling, just stopped fighting everyone that cares… life could actually be wonderful!

How often do we keep kicking against the goads? How often do we just fight everyone that cares… why?

I challenge you and myself to this: As the week progresses, decide to stop fighting that one thing that you know you should or shouldn’t be doing… Here are some ideas:

Follow the stupid rules that you keep getting in trouble for.

When your spouse says that one thing, just to push your button, let it go.

When the paper is delivered to that bottom step, say thank you to God that it’s delivered.

When your mom calls you and starts to nag you again, tell God thank you that she cares.

When your daughter makes that mistake, Thank God she still speaks to you.

When your son calls at 2 am, thank God it’s not THE SHERIFF.

A simple change like this can and will change your life. Tomorrow, just don’t kick one time and think about how much better that feels, then the next day, do it twice. I’ve heard it said “If you want to change the world, start by making your bed”

in other words, start with something you can do, and tomorrow, maybe tackle something you thought you couldn’t do…

When you go nowhere, nothing happens. If you know you need to change, just start.

C