Living Hazzardously

Little pieces of our journey with Jesus

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 “JUDGE RIGHTLY”

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My wife is the greatest gift I have ever had, but even she comes with “struggles”… I know I am perfect and bring her no grief, struggles or frustrations… I am perfect! Or am I blind?

I have had my struggles in life and some folks may still refer to me as a struggle for them (what? me??). Why does it seem the most demanding relationships are the ones we value the most? The hardest  relationships are the ones we seem to never give up on.. and never quit?

I noticed many years ago that we all have a tendency to view our actions from a perspective of our own intent, yet we seem to view others’ intent by their actions… What does this look like played out in a relationship? Let’s dive into this frustration today, head long and eyes wide shut.

Today we are going to name our characters Jim and Jane. 

Jim walks in and declares “Can someone please stop putting the dogs outside every time I need to get something done? Can’t you just watch them for a minute?”

Jim is assuming the dogs are put outside (Jane’s action) to make Jane’s life easier (Jane’s intent)…  

Jane puts the dogs outside (Jane’s action) to watch how the dogs love to be with Jim during the chores (Jane’s intent)… 

Jim judged her intent from her action.

Jane judged her actions on her intent.

We can easily switch everything, Names, scenarios, intents and actions… But what do we see? The person making the actions will nearly always measure the outcome by intent and the person experiencing the others actions will nearly always measure intent of the actions based on how they experience the actions… How do we come to a common ground? How do we “JUDGE RIGHTLY”

It’s even more complicated when we experience things multiple times, and see common outcomes based on our preconceptions. Is one better than the other? Maybe.. Maybe not… the important thing for Jim is to try to see it from her perspective and remembering that Jane is not his enemy… or maybe she is his enemy and she is not a faithful partner? Do we always give the benefit of the doubt? Should we assume the worst? Should we not care? 

All these outcomes are hard to navigate, and harder to discern! I used to trust everyone, But my naivete has caught up to my reality and I am now a person that doesn’t trust others until they prove otherwise. There was a long time I believed the opposite, I believed that if somebody wasn’t happy in a situation, they would go talk to the other person and “clear the air”. 

When I married Jess in 2015, I was a person of total distrust, I trusted nobody and never gave people a chance to prove otherwise… she has melted that cold hard heart. Now with God & Jess’s help, I can trust again…

I think about the journey I have been on and How God has sustained me, and how I have turned my back on God many times to trust myself rather than trusting in God…. What a long road.

I have found God is able to rightly judge me, my actions, my intent and that of others in my life. This has lifted a great burden from my shoulders. Much like “Pilgrim” from the John Bunyan book “Pilgrim’s Progress”. The amazing thing is like the John who penned the book of Revelation, this John was also in prison when he penned his book. 

If these men (and many others) can find joy, hope and trust in prison, we can find trust in our homes.

Today, assume the person’s actions that caused you adversity were from a place of purely good intent. Assume the person is your friend and is looking for the best for you. Assume your actions can be misinterpreted as the other person experiences the fall out of your actions. Remember, only God can rightly see all that is in a person’s heart, but if our default is to assume our closest relationships are people that only want what’s best for us, we will all be happier, live longer and be deeper in love… 

May the Lord our God teach you to trust.

Charlie

God of the good times, is still God in the bad times

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Have you ever had a hard week? Most everyone has had “that week”, I am no different. 

This week I praise God for all the good and for his sustaining grace in some rather uncomfortable and difficult times. I won’t go into these “hard times” but rather I wanted to look at how the God of the night time is still the God of the day time. 

I like music, but I never learned how to read music, mainly because when I was in choir, I was a terrible student. My choir teacher once wrote a comment:  “Charlie is not much use to us!” Not much use? That hit me hard and I never tried again! But instead I whistled, ALOT! My father would whoop me for whistling too much, he hated my whistling.

It reminds me of a movie, I forget the name, where a POW saying something like, “Although they beat us, although they torture us, the one thing they can never take is our JOY! They can never take my joy, I can only give it up!” 

This song sustained me many a day, I hope it brings you joy and hope today. 

In closing, I leave you with some of the greatest lyrics ever penned on paper:

Life is easy, when you’re up on the mountain

And you’ve got peace of mind, like you’ve never known

But things change, when you’re down in the valley

Don’t lose faith, for you’re never alone

For the God on the mountain, is still God in the valley

When things go wrong, He’ll make them right

And the God of the good times, is still God in the bad times

The God of the day, is still God in the night

You talk of faith when you’re up on the mountain

But talk comes so easy, when life’s at its best

Now it’s down in the valley of trials and temptations

That’s where your faith is really put to the test

For the God on the mountain, is still God in the valley

When things go wrong, He’ll make them right

And the God of the good times, is still God in the bad times

The God of the day, is still God in the night

The God of the day, is still God in the night

As the lyrics of the song suggest, God is good all the time.

I hope your Joy today exceeds all your trials and that at the end of your day, you choose joy. Charlie

Monsters under my bed

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Do you remember that book “monsters under my bed” I can like it was yesterday, but I’m not talking about imaginary monsters, these monsters are real!

I was watching some reels today and the theme of monsters kept coming up. One monster was explained from the book “Dante’s Inferno” where hell has “levels” and one level above Satan is betrayal… betrayal is the opposite of established trust. 

I am hard pressed to think of a monster more destructive than betrayal. 

The man who loses a son to a kidnapper, never seeing him again, recalling the night 40 years later. 

A botched abortion where the child is left to die on a cold winter’s day in the open window of a hospital. 

The woman groped as she served her customers in the restaurant.

The grown man discovers he was put up for adoption because it was “inconvenient” to his parents. 

Trust, betrayal… What makes a person betray the trust of another? I’m not perfect, and I too have a story of great betrayal of a friend’s trust. I am guilty of the worst type of betrayal, I know that side, it comes so naturally. I also know the other side of betrayal. I know the feeling of a friend stealing $20.00… I trusted this friend to buy me some “dope”, he simply took that money and avoided me… sounds petty? Well, betrayal comes in every form, and every time it hurts. Every time it sears our conscience, regardless of the roles we are in at the time. 

I stop, I pause and I think, what’s the worst form of betrayal? A friend over money? A co-worker telling lies or “twisting the truth” to advance his own status at work?  A law enforcement officer that doesn’t pursue ticketing of a pretty girl driving too fast but not letting that girl’s husband go as he is trying to get to work on time after the baby puked on him as he was headed out the door? 

Each of us have our own story, each of us have our own journey, each of us have our own “monsters under the bed”. How do we move past betrayal? How do we rebuild trust? How can we be trusted again? Should we….?

After nearly 19 years of a hard marriage, the man found underwear under his bed, they were not his, he knew what that meant, he was no fool. But he decided go on, believing the story that it was her brother’s underwear that got mixed in from the hunting season… . This man I will call Joe, knew in his heart what this meant, he decided “one more chance”… is he a fool? Over two years of cheating, it caught them both in the act, how many more lovers had there been. Joe counted at least 6 others, starting in the first of nineteen years.

 

As I learned of “Joe’s” story, I felt my heart break. Joe was not a perfect husband, he made many mistakes, he knew those mistakes all too well, but one thing Joe held on to after all those years, he said “I never gave up hope! I lost trust, I was betrayed by my closest friend, I did some stupid and hurtful things, but I never quit, I never gave up!”

I still talk to this man I call Joe, I still see him from time to time, but he is a new man now, he has learned to trust again, he has learned there is more than the past that makes a man, he has learned the value of serving others without restraint.

Monsters try to eat us, they lie and tell us “there is no reason to go on living”. Monsters don’t care about you, monsters devour everything. If you looked under your bed and find a monster, know there is hope.

Monsters might hide in the closet, running out the door when nobody is looking or they may blend in under the bed. The point is, monsters only have power when we give them that power, take that power back, give that power to Jesus, start living for the one that never betrays us. 

Jesus said  “Everything is possible for one who believes”.

Monsters, only you can feed a monster, but Jesus can feed you.

With great love from our father in heaven, Charlie