Living Hazzardously

Little pieces of our journey with Jesus

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Seek unto thee

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Every Saturday we have a family Zoom call, we refer to this as “family bible study” and although we read a devotional from Spurgeon, it’s mostly about staying connected as a family from all across the midwest, and the wild west of America.

I guess I shouldn’t say it’s mostly about staying connected, it’s more like family staying connected in Christ. When it needs to be canceled, I feel a deepening pain and longing. When one family or even one person is missing, my heart aches for that connection. Yesterday my heart ached as three members were out, but that’s how life works, as the patriarch. All my life I have lived to provide reasons to challenge myself in biblical areas, my boys, my students, my co-Christians… It’s my greatest joy to teach, sometimes I need to be taught…

So truth is one of my favorite topics and it usually stems from a deeper topic like election (also known as predestination), I don’t back down… and neither do my boys… truth is important, in fact a man in history asked a great question once that seems to be getting asked a lot these days, and I mean specifically, this morning…. 

Please allow me tell you a story:

There was once a great and powerful ruler, he held in his hands the power of death, and what I mean is he had a position of governmental power to put anyone to death under his authority. Every ruler knows, there is always another over them, somehow and someway… Well this day was a bit different, it was the end of a long week of officials complaints, demands from citizens and he was simply tired, so he went home. He was abruptly recalled to the chair where he makes public decisions and declarations, “A man is causing trouble”. So off he goes, perhaps kissing his wife on the way out the door and getting her input about this ongoing troublemaker. 

This ruler was face to face with the troublemaker and asked a simple question “Truth? What is Truth?”… Imagine asking what truth is? Was it because he did not understand “truth”? Did he believe like today that you can make up your own truth? I guess I may never understand. The ironic part is this: “This ruler asked the greatest authority to ever walk the face of the earth on the topic of truth “What is truth?”” I don’t think he was expecting the wisest answer to this basic question. The authority has no response recorded, but what led to the question is revealed and that quote is this: “For this purpose I have been born, and for this I have come into the world: to testify to the truth.”

Imagine asking the greatest authority ever on truth the question “what is truth?” You can read about this story in the book of John chapter eighteen, verses 33- 40. 

My family didn’t read this passage yesterday, but they live it daily. We Hazzards believe there is a Truth and we don’t make it up but live in subjection to it. So Imagine my great joy when my boys are willing to lock horns with me and wrestle the scriptures with me… like the days of old when the wise men of the city would meet up at the gates daily to “argue” and come to conclusions that are good and just to faithfully operate the city in a manner that is good for all people… Not just the elite. 

Truth matters, I heard the definition of truth once explained this way : “Truth is reality as seen by GOD” But there is more to truth than seeing reality… not really! But there are certain aspects of reality “Truth” we should be aware of. Truth means not lying, being deceitful and even more, not allowing another person to believe a lie, not even a white lie. If you allow a lie, that’s your heart not telling the Truth… this is just as evil as actively telling a lie… You don’t believe me? Tell me what is more painful: “Your best friend lying to you about an affair and saying there is no affair or your best friend allowing you to believe there is no affair? (I can tell you the answer, I lived that! Before I married my beautiful, trustworthy Jess. The hurt is the same!”)

So on this day, Pick TRUTH, It is always the better option!

In peace and Love, C

The lawn chair that stole me beer

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I just don’t know what year it was but I remember the situation like it was only yesterday. I was sitting in a lawn chair, I don’t remember where, I just remember saying “WHY?”

Rewind to the late 1990’s, I was a garbage man. I was working for an outfit in Eagan MN and living in Anoka MN, a distance of about 40 miles, directly through the heart of the city.

After driving to work at 2 am, I would hop into my 50,000 lbs truck and hurl it through the back alleys and driveways of the Minneapolis and St Paul metro area, reaching speeds of 20 miles per hour past telephone poles that are inches away from the mirrors, stopping and dragging dumpsters out into the alley across snow banks and avoiding racoons and rats on a daily basis… I could tell you hundreds of stories… The prostitute trying to stay warm on a cold winter night. The cat carcass that was obviously served for dinner the night before… So much more… but I am not here to tell the horror stories of hauling trash on the UofM campus where the hot tub party was in full swing as I backed into the dumpster at 4:30 am…. Or ending my day at about 1 pm, just to drive another hour to get home… or maybe not drive home. Maybe I decided to stop off with the guys for a cold beverage… finally heading home at 7pm…

That is not the story I am here to tell you about, I’m here to tell you about the hope I was given in a new life.

I continued this pattern of consuming the “COLD LIBATIONS” well past my garbage days, into my new career of HVAC. Day after day, Night after night…Monday night football means a case of Michelob Golden and snacky foods, a bag of chips, a fresh smoked goose or a deep fried turkey… Some days the boys would be with me and others I went alone, but never would I miss a Monday night football game… I told myself “this is the one night out of seven that’s MINE!

MY NIGHT, truth be told, I was able to not drink most evenings, instead I would fix the house, take the boys camping and still drink every other night I could. I would tell myself “as long as I don’t start drinking alone, I am not a drunk bum or alchy”. I remembered my father, and how every Wednesday night he had his “ONE DAY”. The one day he would turn onto a bike path on the way home down the parkway, or run into every curb with that right front tire, making a miscalculation on every turn….  I never knew I would be like him, drunk one night a week. I wouldn’t know how much I drank and “DIDNT GET DRUNK” until my eyes were opened to the truth. 

The eye opening started one night in Eagan, at a “buddies” house, eating deep fried anything, drinking until it was time to leave as Monday night football concluded for the night. I was living in Ramsey at that point, just a few miles further now. I wasn’t drunk, I just had a few. I was feeling sick, I must have eaten something that didn’t settle. I struggled to see the road as it was moving all over the place on that clear summer evening. As I crossed the river on MN77 (Cedar Ave) I felt the welling up from deep inside, but like the good drunk I had become, slowly and steadily, I overcame the issue, grabbing a jacket to mop up the mess I just made all over the steering wheel, dash board and seat… I GOT THIS MAN!!! 

I sat years later, reflecting on that night, reflecting on my class reunion, reflecting on my wallet…Remeber? I was sitting in the lawn chair, and I asked “WHY?” I sat holding a half downed can of Budweiser, I looked at it and said “WHY”. I set it down, I looked at it, I remembered all the good times I had because of the bottle, can or mixer… never have I had a moment so clear in my life… never touched a drop after that, but the temptation, coercion and manipulations were just starting… The sideways look from the guys you work with when you say “No thanks, I don’t go to bars” like it’s some sort of perverse character flaw. The gal at work that’s flirtatious and asks you out to have drinks at her place… The ex wife that screams “YOU USED TO BE FUN BEFORE YOU QUIT DRINKING”… 

And still, the Lord held my hand stronger and whispered softly… “I won’t stop you, but you have the choice to not drink, to change your life, to be a good father, to be clean”

That last beer was probably around the year 2008, I am only guessing from circumstances I remember in our life. So I’m not exactly positive what year or what date, It wasn’t a date I thought to mark down, record or celebrate like so many other folks can do. To me? I just stopped drinking in a super natural way that can only be credited to the Lord of Lords, King of Kings, the almighty God, creator of heaven and earth, creator of me and you! I take no credit aside from giving up the fight and listening to the “TRUTH”. A small voice that called me out of darkness and into the light. 

I hope my testimony finds you well. I pray you can know the hope I had on that fate filled lawn chair, somewhere in Minnesota when I looked at that can of beer and said one simple word “WHY?”

May God richly bless you on the beautiful Sunday morning. C

Raw and uncensored.

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My life was so often like the pro-wresting matches of the 1980 era, It looked raw, uncensored and spontaneous but in reality, God had me right where he wanted me, learning the lessons of my mistakes and experiencing the troubles I would one day put into use for HIS will.

Every once in a while when I start to write, I decide it might be a bit too raw, too uncensored… I start to write, I stop writing… Some days I write to only myself, my own therapy or maybe to not forget.  I don’t write to feel sorry for myself but I do write to remember the pain I have gotten through, and sometimes I write to help myself process… Other-times I just need to put it on paper (or a screen) to just slow my brain down and see what I am thinking, then I can look and say to myself: yes that was painful or yes, that was who I was…

To truly help another person, I believe you first need to be able to relate to that person, to understand at some level, to have empathy. I believe you first need to be able to feel. I have lived a lot of pain, caused a lot of pain and helped some to get past their pain, but I don’t believe I am done, at least not yet, I have many more people I can help, so onward I push, forward I move, listening to the prompts of God, following his lead. 

One of the most prominent sayings in my life aside from the serenity prayer is: “HURT PEOPLE, HURT PEOPLE” when a person is hurting, they are so much more likely to hurt others, it takes a great deal of wisdom, maturity and life experience to rise above the pain we hold in our lives and close to our hearts so we don’t continue to hurt others. But the real question is how! HOW DO WE GET THERE? Is it from being hurt so much and so deeply that we become numb? Is it from will power to just move past? Is it from the advice of others to, as the Bob Newhart skit said… “Just stop it, or I will bury you alive in a box”

I think it is by the grace of God that we can even start in the direction to help others, we kind of need to surrender, and find purpose and value in our new goal of helping others. Or maybe you are like I was… only interested in myself? I used to think of myself a lot more than I thought of others (and to be honest, I still do), and when I did I usually started to think “Poor me” and anxiety would set in. I have found that when we dedicate ourselves to helping others become better rather than sitting and stewing about our own lives, we become happy. Or at the very least we become less depressed, that’s a good start.

Today I am distracted by other thoughts, thoughts of a new grand baby soon and what I am going to do as I get older and my body keeps telling me I cant continue at this pace any longer, like I used to… I was reminded of that this past week while installing a 4-head Mini-split system…

I was feeding the line through a header, around a corner and up through the floor of the closet, today my arm aches from pushing on one side of the wall, going to the other side and pulling, twisting and sending it through the floor, then getting down off the bucket I’m using as a ladder (a ladder won’t fit into the space I am working) and going up the flight of stairs to straighten out the copper tubing we call a line set, so I can repeat the process again at least 50 times (well maybe only 40). That was done three times with three different line sets, the fourth was much easier…today is my third day of recovery. The two man job, done by one man, is hard on this old man.

I love my job, I have never worked a job I love more than owning an HVAC company, but its hard work, I wish so often I could find a younger man to teach this trade to, but it seems, I am one of many business owners that have given up on trying to teach their trade to… a replacement. It just doesn’t seem worth the bother anymore as most younger guys don’t want to work, earn a living and take pride in a skill… they seem more interested in working for the minimum amount of time, then trying to get unemployment… My apologies for sounding like a disgruntled business owner and perpetuating generational divide, but as a Gen X, well, lets just say, we all seem to be feral. 

Let us not forget our past, or else, we will be doomed to relive it!

One of my biggest missions as Jess and I run Sam’s Place is to provide the guidance that others may need to live the most productive life possible for each person at Sam’s Place. I am certainly not perfect, but I do believe that with the Lord’s hand on my shoulder, we can make a difference for some, just not all. 

Circling back to my writing, I realize that what I write about may seem low, sad and somedays happy and joyfull, but I always want my messages to be filled with hope and not despair. I want my message to you to be one of future success and not one of past failure. I want my message to be filled with expectation of goodness in your life rather than a message of doom because of what you are going through. You see, I believe if God can do for me what he has done and continues to do for me, he can help, save and prosper (for his glory) any and everyone, if we can just learn to help others on our own journey. 

So on this beautiful Sunday morning of pre “labor-day” weekend I hope you find the joy and excitement we feel in our home as we expectantly wait for God’s miraculous hand in our life. 

Matthew 9:35-38

English Standard Version

The Harvest Is Plentiful, the Laborers Few

35 And Jesus went throughout all the cities and villages, teaching in their synagogues and proclaiming the gospel of the kingdom and healing every disease and every affliction. 36 When he saw the crowds, he had compassion for them, because they were harassed and helpless, like sheep without a shepherd. 37 Then he said to his disciples, “The harvest is plentiful, but the laborers are few; 38 therefore pray earnestly to the Lord of the harvest to send out laborers into his harvest.”

Have a blessed week all, C.

PS. If you have not yet had a chance to donate to Jess birthday fundraiser, today would be a good day to do just that. Either on Facebook at Samsplacebf or our website Samsplacenorth.com every dollar donated is matched one for one. We are a 501c3 charity, so all donations are a tax deduction for you.