Living Hazzardously

Little pieces of our journey with Jesus

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When is it enough

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I was thinking about my father, I was disconnected from my family, I didn’t really spend much time thinking about the old man… I did my own thing. How he hadnt realy any opinion about me joining the Navy… That decision led me onto path of no return, a path that filled my life with anxiety, depression and chaos. I knew God, or at least a form of God that I liked. My God stood around waiting for me to need him, and I seldom actually needed him.

The Navy was a disaster for me, I signed up, went to do the intake to become an electronics specialist, something I really enjoyed and was a challenge. That is the day my life fell apart. I was “IN” the Navy and had no way to escape enlistment. I scored really high on all the tests, I could have gone into the Nuclear program until… I was pulled out of line into a closed room where I was interrogated for about half an hour. Alone, I was left until the end of the day, stressed out and scared, no support, a teenager that entered that day with dreams of success and hope for a great future… I was finally told I had two choices. 

I remembered the tests from my early days, 6th grade I think… “Look at this picture and tell me the number you see?” over and over, card after card, when it was done, not a word… I thought “OHH GOOD, I PASSED THE COLOR BLIND TEST!”

It was now that fateful day after getting pulled aside. Navy doctors scrutinized my every part, every answer, interaction… Something was not right, but what? At age 18, I was informed, “You are color blind” They went on to say “Did you really think you could fool us?” Gasping for my breath, they continued to describe what will happen to if I continued to lie on official US dept of Navy documents.

My dreams slipped out of my mind like a walleye always, somehow finds a hole in the bottom of a fishing net.

Terrified, I was told they would give me a break. Taking another type of test, this time three colored lights, one green, one white and one red. I was relieved they told me the colors, at least I knew what to look for… I could tell the reds… NAILED THE REDS. I had no clue about the whites and greens, they both looked identical…

In a fit of disbelief, the doctors said, “How could you not know you are color blind?” I had 2 choices, become a cook in the belly of the beast feeding thousands of men (believe me, that was not appealing) or become “Builder” (guess what i picked)? I went on the be trained on how to take an unleveled spot of ground and transform it into a building with all the finishes.

How was I able to make it through 18 years of life without knowing? I don’t see colors like everyone around me? The answer to this was located in the same brain that was deficient in determining colors. It’s actually my super power. I discovered my dyslexia was actually a super power very late in life. Don’t get me wrong, I knew I had dyslexia.

I dropped out of school in Tenth grade, abandoning a two year, all expense paid scholorship at the U of M… I’ve knew I had dyslexia from before 6th grade, but I had no idea it was actually a “super power”.

The same “deficiency that makes me have scrambled words and makes writing so difficult and reading nearly impossible allows me to excel in “pattern recognition”… TROUBLSHOOTING! It’s what makes electronics so appealing and makes my brain see problems so easily.

But, not just patterns in things and stuff. Dyslexia helps me recognize patterns in personalities, systems, procedures and concepts.

Are you wondering “how can he drive? He can’t see green lights” … But, I can see patterns and I can recognize shapes and systems, so even though I can’t see that green light, I can see when the light is “out” of place or better yet, I can see when a light is “supposed to be there”. 

Dyslexia is a super power, and even though I can’t see green lights, spot a drop of blood on a brown leaf, determine the colors on a color code for electronics… I learned to adapt, overcome and actually excel in trouble shooting industrial boilers. I had a super power! I would not trade this super power in to be able to see colors, even If I could. 

I sit back and wonder why I was never told, “you are color blind” . Was this some cheap way of sparing my gentle heart from the disappointment of not being “perfect”? Imagine what difference it would have made if I had known I was color blind? I didn’t know I was color blind because instead I have the super power of Dyslexia. I was able to not just overcome the issue of not seeing colors, but it helped me develop my career and adult life in an amazing way…

I was told I had a deficiency in seeing colors, a deficiency in reading and writing and as my 6th grade teacher wrote on my year end report card “Charlie is not much use”… The reality is, my brain was different, and my teachers were not smart enough to provide me with the healthy challenges and guidance I needed to become successful, so I became “Autodidactic”.

God alone knew my path, he protected my journey, he was kind and loving, he gave me a “super power” and I bet you have one as well! Have you discovered it yet? I was in my late 40s when I started to discover I actually have two super powers, the other is called ADHD… Neither of them needed to be muted, they work in harmony… If you know what to look for, you will see ADHD has the gift of “hyper focus” and that hyper focus coupled with superior pattern recognition means my brain is perfect for troubleshooting almost anything, God knew that, God gave me this combined gift. 

Have you discovered your super power? If not, reach out in prayer today and ask God to give you a correct view of your life. Maybe stop, ask God to reveal to you what his will is for you, he has one. God made you perfect, and you would benefit from knowing just how perfect HE made you. 

In HIS service, C.

PS, no, I really cant see a number in the picture

PSS, Join the Navy, see the world, from the belly of a ship….

The cold has descended from the north.

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Winter sets in and reminds us to bundle our fragile bodies with arctic defying layers to protect our ever desired warmth. Oil furnaces start with a mighty puff. Lp and Natural gas furnaces start with a gentle woosh. Wood fires start with a strike of a match in the basements of so many homes. The heating season is on us like Groot on a laser light or a bouncing ball. 

Last week we took a day trip, Drax and Groot stayed at the farm as they do so many days. Playing and “protecting” the chickens from the many predators desiring a quick chicken dinner. As we arrived back home I noticed something “out of the norm”… Groot wasn’t in his normal spot and Drax was unseen. As I maneuvered into the parking spot, parking with the precision of a blind air traffic ground crew. Still no Drax. I approach the house behind Al moving at lightning speed, on a mission to check and make sure his “stuff” in his room has not disintegrated into a vapor while he was gone for hours…  I noticed a patch of blood, large, fresh and in the pattern of a paw… Two large pawed pups made the way into the house right behind Al. 

I discover Drax has a gushing wound on his paw, he is breathing rapidly and very shallow, his gums are pale and he gently lays down in front of me as if to say, “you are not walking past me dad”… I squat down, seeing a pulse of blood oozing out, I move into doctor mode “JESS, GRAB A WRAP OF SOME TYPE, NOW!” After a year’s long wait Jess comes flying around the corner with a towel and I proceed to wrap up the paw… “Direct pressure” I exclaimed “I need to get changed into something more suitable, hold this for a minute while I get changed” In my super man mode I am able to pass though walls and floors into the bedroom where I find a quick change of clothes. Now it’s time for my assistant, “Jess, change into some grubbies…”

Slide the time line forward, Drax is fully recovered and no worse for the wear. What’s with this dog? Last year he chased a plow truck and got a broken paw and bruised lung… leading to the GPS collar (may I add, that’s literally been a life saver).

Job 37:6 Doing great things which we do not comprehend.

For to the snow He says, ‘Fall on the earth,’

Job37:9,10 From the south comes the storm,

And from the north wind the cold.

From the breath of God ice is made,

And the expanse of the waters is frozen.

I thank God he protected our pup yet again this year as the winter descends like a howling wolf. It was about this same time last year Drax played tag with the plow… winter is a bit rougher in Itasca County than it was in Scott County. There is a side of appreciation to this winter wonder land. It tests a man, makes a man stop and think… God is so much bigger than our “issues” God determines the earth, spins it on its axis and draws the cold from the north, the heat from the south and measures the length of the days… He is in charge, and he is the one we lean on… 

We praise God in the dark, in the light, in the sorrow, and in the Joy.

Today is Sam’s birthday, he has been sober and clean for 1,186 days… There is joy in this thought, even when we feel sad in our loss. 

Join with me in remembering the young man I remember, Sam. How he always took time to help those less fortunate, those in need and those that didn’t fit in. His love and generosity are a guide post for us still today.

Are you feeling the winter blues? Come on, it’s too early for that. Being grumpy, upset and sad won’t change anything, but deciding to find the joy in everything sure makes things better. 

Today, continue the thanksgiving and giving thanks from last Thursday, keep it in your heart the whole year and see what the Lord will do with that… 

C.

Great day to give thanks

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“Give thanks to the Lord, for He is good; His love endures forever”

The day starts with  making a huge meal, we try really hard to provide all our residents with a meal on every holiday. In addition to cooking a feast of roast beast and smashed taters,  we love giving our staff the day off so they can be with their family. 

But what about giving thanks? We have so much to be grateful for and yet so often we feel we deserve more… More time off, more money, more stuff to play with… MORE MORE MORE! WHEN IS MORE ENOUGH?

A long time ago, I heard a man say this:  He asked the man “How much money is enough?” He replied without hesitation “just a little bit more”

John D. Rockefeller’s net worth was equivalent to about 1% of the entire U.S. economy. Yet what level of contentment did he have? I fear he died needing “just a little bit more” but it wasn’t money he brought into eternity, it was a life lived desiring money…

I have known so many folks that love money, both “rich” and even more so the “poor”. Striving after money, letting the world around them spin in turmoil as they dream about money, believing that “just a little more”  will solve the problems they face on a daily basis… If it were true that money resolves the problem, winning the lottery would NOT bring the lucky recipients to the brink of death, into drug addiction and nearly always ending in a more horrible life than if they hadn’t ever had the huge “win” that changes their life… FOREVER!

The bible talks about this in 1 Tim 6:10 “For the love of money is a root of all sorts of evil, and some by longing for it have wandered away from the faith and pierced themselves with many griefs.”

How is it that the poor, the destitute and down trodden are loving money? By living a life in pursuit of money, it matters not that they never achieve the big win, what matters is they spend their entire life looking for that one big win… an entire life seeking “just a little more”… This sounds like taxes?

The Government is a perfect example of the “love of money” . The government is by design making life better for all folks. Taxes may increase and some taxes are only temporary, like so many gas taxes.. and when the taxes go back down.. Oh wait, they never actually go down, do they?

As a small business owner, I pay a lot of fees, taxes, surcharges, filing fees, I even pay a special tax for being self employed, another special tax to have an employee, and other taxes to do business. Now this coming year we pay a special tax to give employees time off. But at least we don’t see any fraud and gov waste in Minnesota! I would suspect the Government should have resolved health care, homelessness, poverty and every other form of “oppression”… but this is thanksgiving so we should look at new ways to give thanks, TO GOD!

Today I am thankful for so many blessings. On the last day of hunting, we took a trip to the cities and left our pups to play outside. New GPS collars keep them out of the woods as the brave hunters stock the big one, shooting anything that moves… Well, Drax cut his foot, it was bleeding badly, we got home and he is fine now but he showed signs of anemia (blood loss)… we moved into action, stopped the bleeding, bandaged him up and saved his life… I thank God we got home before he died. I am thankfull that I had first aid training to fix him up and Jess had the touch to keep me and Drax calm while directing Al to bed. 

This may seem like something tragic but God was in this as well, his hand was directing the rescue of our awesome BIG pup, and today he is no worse for the wear aside from favoring his foot from time to time. But last year he got hit by a car and survived (that’s why we got the GPS collars) so yes, we are thankful, but this is only a small example of what we are thankful for…

You see, we have Sam’s Place, and as I cook the second turkey at home, and we prepare to head up to Sam’s Place to finish preparing dinner, I thank God we can do this… we have a healthy church to attend on Sunday, we have a great family that calls and reminds me how great our boys are, we have health, we have chickens, pups, we have so much to say thanks for…

But let me tell you about the greatest reason to give thanks, JESUS! 

I realized many years ago that God created me for a purpose, and in that life of struggling before I found my purpose, I lived for myself, made choices that were me centered. I learned that I was not a good person and I was not doing the things in this world God wanted me to do, in fact I am a sinner that needed to Turn form my self serving life and discover the joy God had for me in serving others, sharing the Gospel and doing something good. 

The day I found contentment in trusting God’s plan, my life didnt get easy, it didnt get fun, it didnt change to rainbows and unicorns… It got harder, it got purpose, it got value… my life became something greater than anything I could have created, I started serving GOD. Life finally made sense! No more Monday night football games and driving home drunk. No more Thursday night sitting in the bar until 9 pm. No more avoiding my responsibilities. No more living for myself. Rather I died and God raised up a new man in my place. And I have never been more joyfilled, thankful and content. 

On this cold Thursday, I ask you one question: Do you know Jesus, and does Jesus know you? If not, what are you waiting for? Do you also need to do what I did in my life? Do you need to do things your way? Is it working for you? Ok so that’s more than one question, but I think you understand what I am trying to say.

Just to be clear, you can not save yourself and nothing you do can help you become saved. You can do nothing to add to your salvation. Surrender your life to the will of Jesus. WHATS STOPPING YOU FROM TRUE THANKFULNESS?

Thankful and grateful this beautiful winters day, C