Living Hazzardously

Little pieces of our journey with Jesus

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Raw and uncensored.

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My life was so often like the pro-wresting matches of the 1980 era, It looked raw, uncensored and spontaneous but in reality, God had me right where he wanted me, learning the lessons of my mistakes and experiencing the troubles I would one day put into use for HIS will.

Every once in a while when I start to write, I decide it might be a bit too raw, too uncensored… I start to write, I stop writing… Some days I write to only myself, my own therapy or maybe to not forget.  I don’t write to feel sorry for myself but I do write to remember the pain I have gotten through, and sometimes I write to help myself process… Other-times I just need to put it on paper (or a screen) to just slow my brain down and see what I am thinking, then I can look and say to myself: yes that was painful or yes, that was who I was…

To truly help another person, I believe you first need to be able to relate to that person, to understand at some level, to have empathy. I believe you first need to be able to feel. I have lived a lot of pain, caused a lot of pain and helped some to get past their pain, but I don’t believe I am done, at least not yet, I have many more people I can help, so onward I push, forward I move, listening to the prompts of God, following his lead. 

One of the most prominent sayings in my life aside from the serenity prayer is: “HURT PEOPLE, HURT PEOPLE” when a person is hurting, they are so much more likely to hurt others, it takes a great deal of wisdom, maturity and life experience to rise above the pain we hold in our lives and close to our hearts so we don’t continue to hurt others. But the real question is how! HOW DO WE GET THERE? Is it from being hurt so much and so deeply that we become numb? Is it from will power to just move past? Is it from the advice of others to, as the Bob Newhart skit said… “Just stop it, or I will bury you alive in a box”

I think it is by the grace of God that we can even start in the direction to help others, we kind of need to surrender, and find purpose and value in our new goal of helping others. Or maybe you are like I was… only interested in myself? I used to think of myself a lot more than I thought of others (and to be honest, I still do), and when I did I usually started to think “Poor me” and anxiety would set in. I have found that when we dedicate ourselves to helping others become better rather than sitting and stewing about our own lives, we become happy. Or at the very least we become less depressed, that’s a good start.

Today I am distracted by other thoughts, thoughts of a new grand baby soon and what I am going to do as I get older and my body keeps telling me I cant continue at this pace any longer, like I used to… I was reminded of that this past week while installing a 4-head Mini-split system…

I was feeding the line through a header, around a corner and up through the floor of the closet, today my arm aches from pushing on one side of the wall, going to the other side and pulling, twisting and sending it through the floor, then getting down off the bucket I’m using as a ladder (a ladder won’t fit into the space I am working) and going up the flight of stairs to straighten out the copper tubing we call a line set, so I can repeat the process again at least 50 times (well maybe only 40). That was done three times with three different line sets, the fourth was much easier…today is my third day of recovery. The two man job, done by one man, is hard on this old man.

I love my job, I have never worked a job I love more than owning an HVAC company, but its hard work, I wish so often I could find a younger man to teach this trade to, but it seems, I am one of many business owners that have given up on trying to teach their trade to… a replacement. It just doesn’t seem worth the bother anymore as most younger guys don’t want to work, earn a living and take pride in a skill… they seem more interested in working for the minimum amount of time, then trying to get unemployment… My apologies for sounding like a disgruntled business owner and perpetuating generational divide, but as a Gen X, well, lets just say, we all seem to be feral. 

Let us not forget our past, or else, we will be doomed to relive it!

One of my biggest missions as Jess and I run Sam’s Place is to provide the guidance that others may need to live the most productive life possible for each person at Sam’s Place. I am certainly not perfect, but I do believe that with the Lord’s hand on my shoulder, we can make a difference for some, just not all. 

Circling back to my writing, I realize that what I write about may seem low, sad and somedays happy and joyfull, but I always want my messages to be filled with hope and not despair. I want my message to you to be one of future success and not one of past failure. I want my message to be filled with expectation of goodness in your life rather than a message of doom because of what you are going through. You see, I believe if God can do for me what he has done and continues to do for me, he can help, save and prosper (for his glory) any and everyone, if we can just learn to help others on our own journey. 

So on this beautiful Sunday morning of pre “labor-day” weekend I hope you find the joy and excitement we feel in our home as we expectantly wait for God’s miraculous hand in our life. 

Matthew 9:35-38

English Standard Version

The Harvest Is Plentiful, the Laborers Few

35 And Jesus went throughout all the cities and villages, teaching in their synagogues and proclaiming the gospel of the kingdom and healing every disease and every affliction. 36 When he saw the crowds, he had compassion for them, because they were harassed and helpless, like sheep without a shepherd. 37 Then he said to his disciples, “The harvest is plentiful, but the laborers are few; 38 therefore pray earnestly to the Lord of the harvest to send out laborers into his harvest.”

Have a blessed week all, C.

PS. If you have not yet had a chance to donate to Jess birthday fundraiser, today would be a good day to do just that. Either on Facebook at Samsplacebf or our website Samsplacenorth.com every dollar donated is matched one for one. We are a 501c3 charity, so all donations are a tax deduction for you.

Cold-play @ Coldplay

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I am sure you have seen the fate filled night, a loving embrace and the end of a career, marriage, family as we know it. If not, it may be valuable to understanding this blog by just taking a quick peek on the web, type in “Coldplay” and I am certain you will see the heartbreaking betrayal that “everyone is buzzing about”.

What is it that drives a person to such a level of betrayal? What motivates us humans to make a solemn promise, and then break it for a moment of personal satisfaction? 

Jess and I sat at the table talking about another type of betrayal today… IGNORING, or better known as the silent treatment… The silent treatment is betrayal. It’s a form of manipulation and its distinctly different from “taking a break to gather your thoughts” … betrayal? Yes! It’s the intentional withholding of attention and acknowledgement of a human for the purpose of conforming that person to your own desires, will and intent… The cold treatment, silent treatment, cold shoulder, ignoring… This is how I am personally hurt the most deeply, most quickly and most reliably… and with my “big voice” and my “big personality” it is the most common form of rejection I experience… Now enter into my abandonment issues and it’s a perfect screen play. I have been living this drama my entire adult life… to me there is no way to hurt me more than to ignore me, it’s going deep into my trauma responses and the PTSD I live with everyday (the source of my Fibro).

Betrayal, Abandonment, Rejection, Exclusion… remember the kid that got picked last for the neighborhood football game? That kid was me… that kid was the kid whose father had never played ball with him, never brought him to a game, never bought him a football, basketball or a baseball… that kid that was me. I was only taught how to work, how to build a patio, building a terrace garden, Veggie-gardening, digging holes for fence posts. Being yelled at was pretty much the only attention I received from my father… I never got to see how to treat a wife, a child, a brother or how to be treated by a mother, I’m not looking for “OHH POOR CHARLIE” I’m simply saying that getting picked last, every time, for sports taught me to hate sports. It was just more rejection.

 So I raised myself, I grew up basically feral, like many kids in Gen X, our parents had little or no time to teach us what their parents taught them. So we found substitutes, we found music, MTV, Walkman and parachute pants with a rat tail…. I hid from life, from my brother, from my sister and most certainly from the man I called dad… I know what rejection is, how it plays out and how easy it is to give it right back.

I am at a different point in my life now, one of patience, calmness and understanding, I am pretty sure I am a bit more “grown up” now but as I am now closer to 60 than 50 and my body hurts, my mind is foggy and life is forcing me into an easy chair. I fight to maintain my autonomy. I fight like millions before me to stay young, agile, alert and useful. I watch quietly as the generation before me ages out of this world and begins the geriatric journey to meet our maker.

As I enter the age of strokes, heart failure, broken hips and saying goodbye to those I have known my who life, I pause for a moment and recognize an old man unable to stand as the song he once belted out is performed by others and all Randy Travis can sing is the last word “AMEN”.

I watch Ozzy as he ascends from below the stage and is wheeled into position and the chair is locked into place. He grabs the microphone and is able to bellow in a voice that was once powerful for other reasons “MOMMA, I’M COMING HOME”.  I grew up watching Ozzy perform all his crazy stunts, I saw Ozzy and I understood Ozzy, he performed songs that I could relate to, and now I can relate to this song, differently than ever before. Funny thing this life is, funny thing.

So back to the Coldplay concert, I see this performance by a man and woman. I see and feel the hurt they caused. Those who are left to struggle with this betrayal… Betrayal that can never be undone. It’s taken years for me to deal with the betrayal I felt on a crisp September morning.  Today, It plays back in my head and I remember the betrayal I felt. I remember the pain of being the last kid picked for the neighborhood games. I remember striving to “fit in”. I think of our son Sam, as he too struggled to be accepted by his peers. I see those at Sam’s Place that struggle… This life is definitely a “hard knock life” . But if we start to give back, rather than always looking for ways to get more, we seem to do better, find more joy and most importantly, we don’t hurt the ones who love us most. 

Betrayal isn’t about self fulfillment and joy, it’s about stealing that joy and destroying it, for what? A moment? A week? Two years of sneaking around? Destroying the life of a child, a spouse, a friend… I have learned so much and I feel like the more I learn, the more I need to learn. But there is one thing I can share, I have learned the hard way… be good to the ones you have today, because life without them in the future is only a memory of what you had and lost. 

Momma, I’m coming home, one day, I will see you again, say hello to my sister, father and grands, aunts and uncles, friends and neighbors.  I’m not sure who is waiting to be reunited with me, but it will be good to see them again. 

As for the rumors and such surrounding “Cold play” I’ve laughed at many of the memes, reels and references, it’s ok to laugh, but in reality, I find it hard to not feel the pain this betrayal has caused. 

Sing a new song to the Lord my friend, C.

Why I am always the perfect one!

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I remember a man who assumed he knew what I was saying, but he didn’t. In fact he believed my intentions were very bad. He felt attacked, personally attacked and never once did he ask qualifying questions until the end of the conversation. But, I was done! I regained control of the conversation and tried to make it very clear that he was assuming the wrong intent… By then, the conversation went from a civil dialogue to outright hostility.

I’ve noticed that my communication style seems to spawn this reaction too often… yet I honestly believe I assume the best of a person until they have proven the opposite. So, I guess I am the perfect one!

Why is it this way? When I talk to customers, I seem to do very well. I communicate clearly, informatively, and completely. I seldom have a hostile situation with customers, strangers and business… BUT, personal life is very different many times. I can only assume that the way I talk to those in the “inner” circle is different? Or do we make assumptions in the way we receive information from our closer friends? 

This got me thinking. Do we find grace as people get closer or do we increase our expectations of being talked to in a particular manner? Do we automatically determine the closer we are the more offensive a person should be to us? 

“HOW DARE YOU SPEAK PLAINLY TO ME! I WILL NOW ASSUME YOU ARE MY ENEMY, AND FURTHERMORE, YOU ARE NOW TRYING TO START A FIGHT WITH ME… FROM NOW ON, YOU WILL BE TALKING TO ME WITH HIDDEN MEANINGS AND EVERYTHING YOU SAY IS NOW A HORRIBLE ATTACK ON MY VERY EXISTENCE”

What an odd scenario, I must find a way to talk to those I care about in a way that is not offensive yet plainly spoken when I see a stronghold on those I care for… Jesus said something about this:

Mark 6:4 Jesus said to them, “A prophet is not without honor except in his hometown and among his own relatives and in his own household.”

Could Jesus define this phenomena? I believe he wrote this for a specific reason, he wanted us to know that those who know you the best, tolerate you the least… How odd! You prove for years you have good intentions, always and still, and yet your intent is now assumed to be that of an enemy. 

Don’t get me wrong, I too judge others intentions by the words. Yet as for myself, I am perfect, so I judge my words by my intentions.….. My intentions are always measured by myself, your intentions are also measured by me.. I can perfectly measure my intentions every time, so obviously that makes us experts on measuring everyone else’s intentions as well… 

My message for you today is to start assuming the best in others and when you start to feel like someone close is “attacking” or perhaps “criticizing” you, stop, take a good look, seek first to understand and then to be understood.

James 1:19 You know this, my beloved brothers and sisters. Now everyone must be quick to hear, slow to speak, and slow to anger;

Proverbs 18:13 One who gives an answer before he hears,
It is foolishness and shame to him.

Generally, ask this before you assume and become angered “This person I am talking to, are they my friend, do I trust they care about me? Are they invested in my life? Am I trying to just pick a fight because I don’t like what they are saying? Am I just being a snowflake? And lastly…. Is the person I am talking to from Generation X, because if they are, they probably don’t do the following:

  • Talking in circles means repeating the same point without making progress or getting to the core issue.
  • Beating around the bush means avoiding the main topic or being evasive, often due to discomfort or fear of directness. 

And they likely communicate within the following parameters:

  • Concise and clear: They get to the point efficiently and avoid unnecessary words or details.
  • Direct: They address the issue at hand directly and honestly.
  • Forthright: They express their ideas or needs openly and candidly.
  • Frank: They are open and honest in their communication.
  • To the point: They focus on the essential information rather than tangents. 

In essence, these individuals value efficiency, clarity, and directness in their communication. 

Please don’t become offended, but rather value frankness and assume the best of intentions. The person you are talking to is likely very passionate and cares deeply, otherwise, they won’t waste time talking to you.

And if you are like me, stop being so “efficient” these are people not computer programs you are talking to… FEELINGS MATTER, at least to them. 

As always, God Bless, C.