Living Hazzardously

Little pieces of our journey with Jesus

Pages

Letting Go

by

Long before I became a follower of Jesus, I started going on a yearly serenity retreat weekend at the Franciscan Retreat House in Prior Lake, Minnesota.  The retreats were open to anyone in AA/Al-Anon and although a Catholic mass was held on Sunday morning, attendance was completely optional and there was no faith requirement.

I loved the retreats.  Father Howard or other guest speakers would teach lessons on the 12 Steps from the AA Big Book and we would break into small groups and sit in circles throughout the halls and library of the musty retreat house and talk about our hurts and struggles with complete strangers.  There was something mystical to me about the retreat house that at the time captivated me.  The candles, the quiet, the long, underground hallway with the Stations of the Cross, the secret statues hidden along the path in the woods, and the benches scattered all about the grounds were to me symbols of the peace I felt at this place of rest.  I understood nothing about the Catholic faith or the true meaning of the stations and statues, but I felt at peace in the rooms and on the grounds.  This is where I first started to pray and journal and listen for the voice of God. A God that I didn’t yet know, but that I felt drawn to all the same.

Can you recall a time in your life when you heard God’s voice so clearly, that there was no denying it was God?  I have had a few of those God moments, and the first occurred at one of these serenity retreats.  My son, Al, had just been diagnosed with autism and I was struggling with the shock, fear, guilt and confusion that comes with the diagnosis of disability. Al was my first child, and we didn’t pick up on the signs right away.  In fact, Al was five years old before he was diagnosed with autism.  I felt tremendous guilt over not recognizing the signs and ignoring them once they became evident.  I now know that I was in denial.  I wanted to believe that it was nothing.  That he was just a little developmentally delayed. That he would catch up.  When I heard the word autism, I had no idea what it meant.  I spent night after night reading everything I could about it and what therapies or medications would fix it.  ABA, PT, OT, Speech, special diet, aquatic therapy, horse therapy, supplements, chelation…I was flooded with information and suggestions and completely overwhelmed.

As I sat among the circle of chairs in the little library at the retreat house, waiting for my turn to share, all of the fear and anxiety welled up inside of me like a geyser ready to erupt.  Suddenly, my attention was drawn to the woman who sat across from me.  She was sharing about her daughter who struggled with drug addiction.  The hurting mother had spent years trying to fix her, but God had recently spoken to her and told her, “I LOVE HER MORE THAN YOU DO.  LET HER GO.”

As she spoke, it was like the whole world went silent and the lights went out.  All I heard were those words in my head, and I knew at that very moment that God was speaking to me through that stranger.  I didn’t know her name then, and I still don’t today, but I know without a doubt that God used her to speak into my heart  that day.  God loves my son more than I do.  To some, that may seem so obvious, but I did not know God.  I did not know John 3:16 For God so loved the world, that he gave his only Son, that whoever believes in Him should not perish but have eternal life or 1 John 3:1 See what kind of love the Father has given to us, that we should be called children of God; and so we are.  But that day, God spoke to me and I knew that because He loved my son even more than I did, he would be okay.

It is hard to let go.  I can’t tell you how many times since that day, I have grasped onto the truth of those words.  I have had to remind myself time and time again that God loves my children more that I do and even though I want to protect them and fix them, I can’t.  I have to let them go to God and trust,  Trust that God is faithful and God is in control and that God works for those who wait for Him (Isaiah 64:4).

I was reminded of that today and thought maybe somebody else needed to hear it.

 

The big start!

by

I often get asked what, why, when, where? Tell me about “Living Hazzardously.”

 I will attempt to summarize it here.

First is WHAT:

We are opening an adult foster care home as our primary occupation. This means that we are opening our home to a few guys who can use a family setting to prosper in life, a place that’s quiet. Our new home is seated on a 40 acre homestead, and we have plans of gardening, chickens, cows, maybe a goat and a horse? Pretty much whatever is needed to provide a home that both challenges and engages our foster people. If they love horses? We will figure out a way to get a horse. Maybe they love gardening? Okay, we will figure that out, too! The idea is to provide meaningful and productive living at the skill level and interest level of our new, expanded family.  We will see how God provides!

Next is WHY:

After discovering what so many adult “foster”care homes provide (first hand for Al but also seeing so many other similar situations) we couldn’t spend another day thinking about how individual needs were not being met. So, if Al were your son, would you not like to see him prosper? Grow? Learn? Enjoy? Or would you rather he go to his room and watch movies for the next 30 years? It’s a simple answer, but a complex application. We truly believe we can make a difference in a couple lives.  Is that worth the risk? Absolutely!

Now is WHEN:

This could not be a more complicated question! The urgency to provide Al with a better way of life vs the life we have vs our other kids vs … well you get the point. God provides for us in many ways, and this is no different. Jess and I had the same idea or “dream” and started discussion over 1.5 years ago. Confirmation came in so many ways. Family, friends, the Bible, our sons…. it seemed to be the only option. So we started to take our leap of faith and changed everything in our lives to move toward this common theme we called “Living Hazzardously”. God’s provision has always been there!

Traveling to WHERE:

We needed the right place, right price, right peace! We needed a house that could either be used as is or be modified to meet the codes.  It needed to be the right price so we could manage a very large reduction in income. We needed the land. It needed to fit our dream (more of that to follow) we traveled for months, searching and visiting so many homes. We traveled from Chaska into the Arrowhead, over to Lake of the Woods, nearly to Fargo.  Then we found Spring Lake.  It fit every requirement but one, we would have to replace two windows. (That’s an easy job for us) and so, here we are, in prayer! Yes, prayer was our biggest confirmation of all.

So, you want to know our bigger dream?

It’s easy. We will be building three cottages on our land to be used for our ministry of helping marriages survive and thrive in the world of special needs. I’ve been told that marriages that have special needs children fail 87% of the time. We want to help those families! We also want to work with pastors to assist blended families and just marriages altogether. We want to help marriage survive and thrive. We will always have a heart for this. Our big dream is to provide respite care when needed, or just a place to learn how to prioritize marriage, while providing for the needs of families. And to provide for these families regardless of financial ability to pay.

Please join us on this “Hazzardous” adventure! We have many needs, but the most valuable is prayer.

Living Hazzardously is stepping out in faith, knowing it’s God’s prompt, trusting the Lord to provide.

Get out of the boat.

by

“Come!” Jesus said.

And climbing out of he boat, Peter started walking on water and came toward Jesus.  Matthew 14: 29 (HCSB)

I am a person who has spent most of my life being afraid.  Afraid to try something new; afraid to take chances; afraid to fail; afraid to succeed; afraid to talk to people; afraid they won’t like me; afraid they will like me and I might have to talk to them…you get the picture.

In high school, I was so afraid that I might not get an A on a quiz that I hid under the stairs for an entire class period hoping the hall monitor wouldn’t find me.  I didn’t get my driver’s license until I was 18 because I was too afraid to drive.  I won’t pet horses because I am afraid of being bit.  Lets just say, I am not a risk taker.

“Come!” Jesus said.

When Jesus instructed Peter to get out of the boat and walk on the water, Peter came!  I don’t know about you, but I can’t swim and the idea of stepping out of that boat and onto the water is terrifying, even if Jesus is standing there with hands reached out.

Faith.  It takes an incredible amount of faith to step out of that boat.  Faith to believe that Jesus is not going to let you drown and all you have to do is obey His command.  Where does faith like that come from?  Certainly not from within us!  No, that kind of faith is generated by God Himself.  He plants the seed of faith, and with each act of obedience we water it and it grows a little more.

My family and I are on what we like to call a Hazzardous Adventure.  Well, some of us.  Chris and Alex, are busy with the Air Force and Sam is graduating high school in Minneapolis, but Charlie, Al, Jacob and I have been called somewhere new.   See, Jesus told us to pack up our stuff and come.  He called us to a faraway land.  (Well, four hours away from the Twin Cities, where we have lived for our entire lives.)  We bought a new home on 40 acres in “God’s country” northern Minnesota.  He spoke into our lives about a ministry up in the north woods.  A ministry for families.  A ministry for couples.  A ministry for people living with special needs and those caring for them.  And here we are.

Well, here I am, with Al, my 20-year-old son with autism, while my husband, Sam and Jacob are back in the Twin Cities.  Here I am blogging at 11:30pm instead of sleeping, even though tomorrow we SPRING AHEAD and I really should be sleeping.

Why?  Because I am not afraid.  I will say it again, I AM NOT AFRAID.  You see, when Jesus saved me, I was set free from the bondage of sin and death, and that was so that I could walk in freedom.  Freedom from the fear and anxiety that had crippled me my entire life.  Free from the guilt and shame.  Free from the lies that I tell myself and Satan whispers in my ear.  I can choose to be afraid today, but that is my choice.  Afraid is not who God created me to be.

So, I obey.  I obey that still small voice that tells me to follow Him.  To step out of the boat and live hazzardously.  Let the adventure begin.