Living Hazzardously

Little pieces of our journey with Jesus

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I hate you!

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Three little words that can not be undone, I suppose after a while it can be forgotten, but like a bullet fired from the muzzle of a firearm, once released, it can never be retrieved. It can cut deep, penetrate quickly and it can also kill. 

I love you! 

Three little words that can heal, aid in the feelings or respect but can also cut deep when used properly. 

I remember a story of a man that was brutally attacked with hatred and unkind words, he responded with kindness and love, those words are still remembered to this day “Father, forgive them!” forgive does not mean to forget, forgive does not mean to overlook, forgive does not mean to ignore. So what does it mean to really forgive? 

I found this:

stop feeling angry or resentful toward (someone) for an offense, flaw, or mistake.

“I don’t think I’ll ever forgive David for the way he treated her”

WWW. forgive: 

I don’t know how to forgive according to this definition, I do know how to implement consequences without delay. I know how to enforce rules. I know how to defend those that can not defend themselves. BUT… do I know how to truly forgive? 

I think forgiveness is about the attitude, when my sons disobeyed, they had consequences to their actions. If they did something like shoot a BB gun and break a window (true story), they had to fix that window… In time they learned to not do so many stupid things… So what was my role as the “forgiver”? It would have been harmful to just “forgive and forget”. What lesson is learned? What growth is taking place? Does this concept of “forgive and forget” teach a boy that he can do whatever he wants and nothing would happen? 

So, how to forgive? I believe forgiveness must flow from a place deep within the heart, a place so private that even your wife has a hard time finding that secret place. It must flow gently, quietly and confidently, without delay! It takes practice… I don’t think a person should pray to God to teach them how to forgive, unless you are really ready to face troubles in life and learn the hard lesson of forgiveness. It’s not a bad lesson to learn but it can be a pain filled path. 

So what should it look like? I think of it this way. I do something that hurts a person, and I should immediately seek forgiveness by honest admission and acknowledgement of the wrong I did. But what of the wrong done to you? Should we seek to enforce the same standard on others that we do to ourselves? ABSOLUTELY NOT! Forgiveness is not to be so cheap that we can not give it without the other person meeting our criteria, forgiveness must flow free, and non-transactional. Forgiveness is “Wanting the best for a person after they commit a wrong to you, and not holding that offense against that person in a manner that is spiteful” See? Super easy!

I’ve been attacked online, physically and emotionally many times, and (this may be hard to believe) I have also needed to be forgiven many times. How we respond is invaluable, we must really check our pride and try to see it from another perspective, we MUST not retaliate against the other person, we must find it in our hearts to forgive…. But sometimes, we should not forget, sometimes? We must build a wall, form a boundary and create distance, maybe for a time? Maybe forever… sometimes it is all we can do, but we must protect our heart from bitterness…. Trust me, I lived a bitter life, I held on to the pain caused by another person so many times that I was consumed and forgiveness seemed ridiculous to me.

Bitterness is the completion of “un-forgiveness”

Joy is the completion of “forgiveness”

Withholding forgiveness does not make a wrong into a right, it only makes a person hurt and bitter.

Today, practice “forgiveness” and see what fruit comes from it, it may be more “violation” but stop and find forgiveness so that wrong does not rule over you any longer. 

God Bless, Charlie.

Fairytales, unkept promises, like Disneyland.

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The other day Jess and I were chatting and reminiscing about our previous lives. I wonder if other couples talk about “Before we met”. Do other blended family couples pretend the past has simply vanished? Or are we different, I don’t know. In our conversation I mentioned I never got to take the boys on a “fairytale vacation”, like Disneyland or a cruise or some far off land where every families dreams come true… I glanced at Jess, just in time, to see her face turn down and she looked so sad… I will divulge why in a few paragraphs, but first, I will dig into my fairytale vacation. 

What was my “Fairytale” trip with my three sons? I had so many trips planned, some big, some small but all were amazing (in my minds eye). Do you have a fairytale trip? Or maybe life beat you down like it did to me and you never fully recovered from that beating? Probably my biggest fairytale trip was driving and camping to the east coast and west coast… East to Washington DC and Maine for National history then drop down to Tennessee, the Blue ridges, Kentucky and back up to good old Minnesota… West through Montana to Washington to see the ocean and swing south to see the Redwoods, Grand Canyon, Devils Tower, Mount Rushmore and back up to the cities.  

My Trips were always the “natural” wonders and places of historical relevance. I never wanted to see Disneyland (and to be honest, it’s repulsive to think about going there now). Jess however had a different set of dreams… The one thing in common was a desire to share the world with our children, being with them and growing together. Jess had grandparents that took the 3 sisters on trips all over… These trips are still invoking fond memories for Jess. These trips are more than just a vacation, they took Jess on a childhood wonderland that nurtured her innocence, satisfied her adventurous side and filled her with years of joy filled memories.

I too have “fond” memories of trips my father took us on… I never had trips with the Grands. My trips involved a hot car, laying on the floor of the back seat right above the exhaust discharge and being shoved into the back window deck of a 1969 Ford Fairlane 2-door… 5 kids, mom and dad and my smelly dog named Tobias Winslow. Coat hangers were “professionally” installed and held up the exhaust that contained more soup cans that obviously exceeded the original equipment specs. I would say it hardly leaked much exhaust into the passenger compartment, never making us sick. The gas tank fell out rounding the corner of Broadway and Penn Ave on our way back from the Salvation Army Store (collecting more of my fathers hoarder stuff) and more “MacGyver creativity” with wire coat hangers to make the perfect long term repair. But that is yet another story.

Back to Jess… you see, Jess had made a promise to Sam, a mothers promise to her son that when he could use the “potty” like a big boy, they would take a trip to the most magical place in all the world. A place that held mystery, magic and hope… The dream of all dreams where fantasy comes true… As Walt himself once said “I think most of all what I want Disneyland to be is a happy place… where parents and children can have fun, together”

This “Fairytale” was about to start slipping away, a journey of around 20 years… A dream that was murdered by the heartless folds of life. Year after year, Jess held on to this promise, never intending to “skip out”. Never intending to make a promise that she would never keep. As Al grew, his behaviors became a daily management task, a full time job! So big was the job of being Als mom, that she soon fell into a serious depression. So deep that it kept her locked into the room marked “SURVIVAL ONLY” for many years. The hard decision was made, she had to separate Sam from Al, to keep Sam safe.

Doing the only thing she could, she moved blocks away from her baby boy, keeping in mind the promise of Disneyland, putting Sam’s safety ahead of herself and providing everything Al needed. Jess had now laid down her life for her two little boys, putting them first in everything. Torn in half, broken, beaten and collapsing under the weight, but holding onto the Hope of Jesus… As she watched her dream of Disneyland slipping further away, she settled into a reality that hurt and could not be avoided. Disneyland was slipping further away from reality. 

Jess and I don’t plan on giving up our dreams of travel across the USA, but it gets complicated. We have our shared dreams, our “places to go” lists. Our question is “HOW”. We have tried so many different ideas on how to make our trips a reality, but there is so much we still need to iron out… It may be hard for many to imagine, but traveling with Al is way more complicated than traveling with a baby in a car seat. Or as my father did, having us laying on the floor or on the ledge of the back window. Travel with Al is actually always “traveling for Al”. I can see how Disneyland was never a viable option, I have learned so much about the stress families have with a special needs child… I never would have guessed it could be this hard. Don’t get me wrong, Al is a blessing and we love him, I don’t regret for a minute being his provider, parent and teacher… But, to be completely transparent, he is not easy to take care of.

I bet you thought this was about Disneyland… It is actually about the broken heart of a mother?

Sam is buried only a couple miles down the road, Jess likes to stop in from time to time to sit, remember and pretend to have a conversation with Sam. I am sure she likes to imagine Sam running around Disneyland, smiling, eating too much junk food and just being her baby boy that learned how to “Potty like a big boy”…

The dream is never going to become reality now. The stress of losing a son when he is only 22. Breaking a life long promise. Somedays, this would be more than enough to put the strongest of men into bed, weeping for days… Jess is amazing, strong, resilient and capable. Although the “fantasy” trip to Disneyland has been retired, she has found a new hope, a new dream and a new reason to pursue life.

Grandbabies! Sophia, Sadie and the one due in April… Sam’s place. The Redwood forest, the Gulf stream waters. The dreams are different now. The Lord always has and will continue to sustain us, comfort us and give us HOPE, hope comes from God. 

I was told only babies cry, so I guess I am the biggest baby of all. One day I want to write about why I always joke when emotions are high. If you have ADHD, you may very well be very empathetic, you can feel the pain of others, sometimes more than the person who is feeling the emotions… I think that’s me.

May Gods presence be with you today and always, Charlie.

A donkey fell in a well on Sunday. 

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As time goes on, I realize more each day that for me, work is a form of worship. I’m not condoning over work or work addictions. Adam was created to work, he was made as the keeper of the “Garden”… in some translations it may read “caretaker” or another may say “Steward” but over and over I see this underlying theme that we are to do all our work in 6 days and rest on the seventh… 

The Lord’s day, Shabbat, Day of Rest, Sunday, Saturday, Seventh Day, Sabbath, Sabot, Sabbatum, Sabbaton, Shabbath are just a few different names for the day we should keep holy. This seemingly odd command of this principle… one day out of seven, but for what?

Some religions and Christian denominations have put such a heavy emphasis on a particular day, set of rules or procedures and a dedication to this “day” that in some ways they have become a slave to the day. Rules and particulars that are so cumbersome and difficult to “keep” they literally allow no rest, if they truly “keep” the one in seven days…  They are continually, intensely and fully focused on not violating the rules and regulations that are identified with the sabbath day. 

“What is sabbath?” has this question ever truly been addressed, answered and correctly put into perspective? If so, By who? When? How?

 “The Sabbath was made for man, and not man for the Sabbath” according to this statement, am I the lord of my sabbath? Is it for me? The sabbath is not the lord over me… Do I command the sabbath? Do I define the sabbath? Do I get to choose? Or is there some other meaning to take away from this? 

“For the Son of Man is lord of the Sabbath.” Who is the son of Man? Because it sure looks like the “son of man” gets to call the shots here… 

“One person esteems one day as better than another, while another esteems all days alike. Each one should be fully convinced in his own mind.” Each one should be convinced? Wait , can’t I be convinced wrong is right? 

“So the Son of Man is lord even of the Sabbath.” Here we go again… Who is the “Son of Man”

A quick search said there are over 100 verses that reference “Sabbath” or eludes to the concept of sabbath. That’s a lot of verses. So do your homework and see what the creator of the universe did himself and recommends us to do as well… yes, I said “recommends” (I realize its a command, but this is a blog so I get to embellish the words). The bible is clear that you won’t go to hell for a Sabbath violation, but if the one that “Knit” you into your mothers womb says “Take one day out of seven to not work…” Well, I think it’s pretty smart to pay attention.

We still need to answer who is “The Son of Man” very plainly, it is a title of Jesus, the lord of the sabbath. Did Jesus set an example? His example of rest: He Healed many times on the sabbath, he taught in the churches (synagogue) Plucking heads of grain (gathering food) and even made a point of “helping a donkey or son out of a well”..

 All these are clear examples of work, Yet the Lord of the Sabbath commands us to rest from our work… 

I guess we should look into what is work? If we can define this so well, we can achieve a perfect legal definition and in doing so, no longer violate the sabbath… or, do we simply realize we are to do things that refresh our souls and focus us on our creator? Lets not get bogged down in worldly definitions, traditions and man’s tight fisted measurements? Let us simply realize the purpose of the command, its nature, its value, its real meaning… Rest… maybe a nap? (I always try to get a Sunday nap with my girl) Maybe a trip to the store for ice cream? Maybe a movie? Maybe a task that you find refreshing? For instance…some folks like to read (I actually find reading very stressful). Maybe a puzzle? (seems like work to me) Or maybe building a donkey shelter?… Whatever you do, make it restful and Honor the God of creation on that sabbath day.

So now that we have “defined” work, I work on many things on my sabbath! I work on relationships with those that are in my life. I feed my pigs and chickens. Some days I may work on my boat, my motorcycle or perhaps I go mow the trails… The way I see it is this, “Do something different, something therapeutic, something that gives you calm, something refreshing”. If I sit all day on my sabbath, I become filled with pain from my fibro, so I need to move, I need to get out and do something. I choose to do things that really don’t “need” to be done. Instead, I do things that fill my life with things that bring me rest… like a motorcycle ride, or a boating day where I catch no fish, or preparing the trails for a relaxing hike, something non productive, something that isn’t stress. 

Remember how I started this post? Well if you read the entire post so far, I hope you find this closing helpful.  

I am asked so often: “How’s it going at Sam’s Place?” and I usually reply with some dramatic and awkward answers like “WE HAVE SO MUCH TO DO!” or  “ITS SHOCKING HOW MUCH WORK THERE IS TO DO!” Maybe what I should be saying is “Some days the Lord provides more help than I can effectively manage and I struggle to keep everyone assigned to the task at hand. Yet others are not so busy. We trust God every step of the way. There is more work than I accomplish on my own, yet somehow God provides just enough each day. Thank you for asking and thank you for your prayerful support. I would certainly like more help, we trust God will provide according to His timing.” 

I really do not want people to think I am overwhelmed (even though I may have my days). It is an extraordinary project and we have a lot to accomplish. God has given me an extraordinary skill set and I want to honor the Lord by working hard in the tasks he has assigned for me. But I do need help. 

I am still supporting my family by earning a living with Spring Lake Heating and Air. I am still raising pigs for sale. I am still a husband and a full time father to our son with special needs. I love to worship on Sundays.  I love every part of listening to a good sermon. I love Sunday school with like minded adults. I love sharing God’s good news with others. 

I work extremely hard and I love to work hard, BUT… I also need a sabbath day.

I hope this blog helps you to put your sabbath into perspective and helps you realize just how important it is to “honor the sabbath”.

How can you Honor God by setting your sabbath day apart?