Living Hazzardously

Little pieces of our journey with Jesus

Pages

  • About Us
  • About Living Hazzardously

Powered by Genesis

Is it a battle of the mind, and the soul?

April 25, 2026 by Charlie

It was Easter weekend, we anticipated the arrival of two grands and the four parents and one special other-grandmother … Ham, Potatoes, Green bean casserole… so much food! We had been prepping and buying and making ready, and we had big plans. The weather started to shift and we were caught in a vicious winter storm that would end everything…  The snow storm hit and we were inundated with so much, now extra, food…. More than I could manage, and it all needed to be cooked and made ready…But now our guests, grands & kids are staying home…NO GUESTS, but food enough for 20… If we didn’t finish preparing it, it would all go bad…

 It’s now been 3 full weeks. That Easter Sunday hit more like MOAB (mother of all bombs) and the shock wave still isn’t over. The season of stress as we continue to work through the pain, wave after miserable wave.

The snow stopped and Jess started to have a low grade persistent fever, every day, all day, up to 102…  after 4 days we went to the ER… A few tests, nothing, just go home and wait… 

Next was the doctor at the clinic, just a few days later…A bunch more tests,  just go home and see if it keeps troubling you… 

A few more days have passed and … Back to the ER… a team of testing and monitoring, Just go home and see….

A few more days, I demanded to see someone,  anyone in internal medicine…. We still know nothing

Blood tests, CT scan, more blood tests, urine tests, blood tests, referrals, tests, draw more blood, pokes, prodding, BP cuffs and O2 readings… Tick borne, meningitis, kidney and liver and bladder and UTI and heart and lungs and blood …. nothing….

A referral to one specialist… “ok we have you set to see the Dr in November”… WHAT????

Another specialist was August… ARE YOU KIDDING??

Primary care Dr was only in mid May? No wait, that appointment just got taken while we talked, now it’s late May…. Ummm, she can’t wait that long, she can barely get out of bed… It’s mid April, and that’s a month out.

Three weeks of “nothing”, Jess is just starting to feel a bit better. She can only be on her feet for short periods, then it’s time to sit down. I had the privilege of coming home a couple nights ago and found Jess making dinner. She looked so tired and weak. I could see in her eyes, she was beat and exhausted, making dinner was too much. This took out anything she had left, she was empty physically. Jess just fell into my arms and said “I don’t want to be sick anymore.”  I held her and we cried together. 

I’m tired. I don’t want her to drive still because she gets so tired, I don’t know how quick her reflexes are on these deer covered roads… so we push on. 

This entire thing is because of me, I’m convinced of that. You see, a few days before she got so sick, I had to tell her some rather distasteful news… “Jess, the Dr called and I have cancer”… she went dead silent, we had been stressed all day about some problems at Sam’s Place and we hadn’t really been treating each other in the most mindful way… Stress had wiggled into our relationship and we both became easily offended… How stupid is that? The person we trust the most, and we get snotty with each other… Neither of us had done anything “BIG”, it was just that stupid stuff like putting the toilet paper on backwards or not putting the steak knives away “correct”… 

And then the cancer. I’m as nervous as a long tailed cat in a room full of rocking chairs. Don’t get me wrong, it’s not the “bad” kind, but it was the first time either of us had been diagnosed with something this dramatic. The prognosis is excellent, we caught it early, but it’s still cancer. 

I find it hard this week to keep a positive outlook… I know the word of God tells us to trust him, and that he is dependable. It’s easy to intellectually see the situation and know God is in control… But then there is the weak, sinful part of me that screams out “ENOUGH, I CANT TAKE THIS MUCH!!” and I realize, Jesus on the night he was betrayed, showed love for his enemies, and he gave his life so that his enemies might have eternal life…

I struggle with negative thoughts. WOE IS ME! God Forgive this foolish man and draw us into the joy of our LORD. 

Trusting God though the fire today, C.

Share this:

  • Share
  • Share on X (Opens in new window) X
  • Share on Facebook (Opens in new window) Facebook
  • Print (Opens in new window) Print
  • Share on LinkedIn (Opens in new window) LinkedIn
  • Share on Reddit (Opens in new window) Reddit
  • Share on Tumblr (Opens in new window) Tumblr
  • Share on Pinterest (Opens in new window) Pinterest
  • Share on Telegram (Opens in new window) Telegram
  • Share on WhatsApp (Opens in new window) WhatsApp

Like this:

Like Loading…

Filed Under: Faith, hope, Truth Tagged With: anxiety, Christian Living, faith, God, God is good, Jesus, trust god

Easter Morning

April 5, 2026 by Charlie

The sun breaks over the trees in a magnificent display of majesty and power. Try to stop the sunrise, try to stop the warm beams of light, all that can be done is “HIDE” or take it in.

Jesus has beaten death and the victory is his.

Jesus has won the battle for you, so lean into that when you feel like giving in.

VICTORY? Dont give in to your weakness today, do not be a victim today! TODAY, BECOME A VICTOR! Become a victim tommorrow! Not today.

God Bless, C.

Share this:

  • Share
  • Share on X (Opens in new window) X
  • Share on Facebook (Opens in new window) Facebook
  • Print (Opens in new window) Print
  • Share on LinkedIn (Opens in new window) LinkedIn
  • Share on Reddit (Opens in new window) Reddit
  • Share on Tumblr (Opens in new window) Tumblr
  • Share on Pinterest (Opens in new window) Pinterest
  • Share on Telegram (Opens in new window) Telegram
  • Share on WhatsApp (Opens in new window) WhatsApp

Like this:

Like Loading…

Filed Under: Faith, hope Tagged With: God

The hands of an old man

March 22, 2026 by Charlie

Pedaling fast, “stunt riding” on my English 3-speed, what a dork I was… Back to the days of bike riding all day and never venturing beyond the sound of my mothers whistle… I was maybe 9 or 10.  I remember the hands of a man named John, a dear, sweet man, who lived on the block just south of me. 

He owned a “Lawn-Boy” mower, you know the one. It has a front wheel set oddly back from the front of the machine, on only one side. His back yard was fenced in the standard 4 foot tall chain link and attached to a single car garage. The magic of lawn care was flowing from this garage like the “yellow brick road leading to the emerald city” or perhaps a faithful geyser in yellowstone. With all the mystical contraptions to be utilized for the sole purpose of detailed landscaping.  He maintained the perfect lawn in North Minneapolis, at that time. 

As I steered my bicycle into the storm drain, obviously within sight of this magical garage, I felt the thump, and it was done. The front wheel wedged into the straight slots that diagonally crossed the grate, gaps that seemed to be perfectly spaced, trapping the front tire. An evil plot of its maker to collect little adventurous boys’ front tires… The Storm grates sole purpose was to give a man a reason to help the little boy escape the evil peril.

As he strolled the short block to where I was stuck and helped me whenever I got my front wheel trapped… a sewer grate… I think he knew, no, I KNOW he knew it was a trick to gain attention. 

My father came home one day to see me stuck. The first time it happened was actually an accident… dad whooped me hard that day and yelled at me… but the man with the lawn mower was kind, you could see patience and concern after he saw the rage my father had, a contrast so great, I had a longing to experience that kindness again, even if I needed to manipulate my world.  I had no idea a man could be kind… 

 I admit, I did this on purpose a few times to get attention from this pillar of a man that guided my life. Kindness was real, it wasn’t just found in story books. …. 

This man I knew only as John showed patience and concern over the many years of my childhood. I would hang out with him, watch him sharpen his mower blades, help him with little things like sweeping the sidewalk. His mower Blades seemed to always be dull and in need of a quick tune up and rebalancing. The magnificent lawn and a perfectly maintained mower were his only jobs. He had a wife, but I can no longer picture what her appearance was, I just remember she would appear from time to time dressed in her Sunday clothes on the way to church.

I remember the hands, big, strong, wrinkled and spotted. As he lumbered over to where I had again gotten my bicycle stuck, his arms extended and with no effort, removed the bike wheel as if it were as easy as taking a breath. 

Today I went online to order supplies for a job and I was reminded of this man! I looked down at the keyboard setting on my desk and I saw John’s hands. This time they were attached to my arms. Although there are no kids with front wheels stuck in the storm sewer on the corner of 35th & Sheridan in north Minneapolis, I couldn’t understand why he left his hands behind and why in the world are they attached to my arms???

I may not have a small child in my neighborhood, I may not have a pristine yard with a spotlessly clean lawnmower that reads “LAWN-BOY” across the front… What I do have is the little boy’s memories and the old man’s hands. In some ways, these two people have again met and somehow defied the laws of space and time to see the need to help a struggling little boy…

I serve these “boys”, some older than me.. Sam’s Place, (SIGH) some of  these guys have never seen a kind man with strong, wrinkled hands… they may have only felt the calloused back hand from fathers. A hand that steals. A hand that beats down another. Maybe they have only known the harsh words of a father screaming at them? Words of how worthless they are? Perhaps they have never known the kindness of a loving father (or a man named John)? Perhaps they reject the kindness of a man trying to help, because experience tells them nobody helps out of kindness but rather out of selfish gain??? 

Maybe they need help with the “bicycle and storm grate” of their youth? 

These old man’s hands typing on the computer are not mine, they belong to the old man named John! Wrinkles and lines, spots and calluses. The years have handed me these hands and I hope to pass them on to the next man named… Well I don’t know his name, probably never will.  

Hands passed down are now together and apart…

Yesterday I felt like I was only thirty, the day before it seemed like I was 20, and the day before that, I was a little boy looking at an old man’s hands… Now the old man’s hands are mine. 

May God Bless you this day with the hands you need, C.

Share this:

  • Share
  • Share on X (Opens in new window) X
  • Share on Facebook (Opens in new window) Facebook
  • Print (Opens in new window) Print
  • Share on LinkedIn (Opens in new window) LinkedIn
  • Share on Reddit (Opens in new window) Reddit
  • Share on Tumblr (Opens in new window) Tumblr
  • Share on Pinterest (Opens in new window) Pinterest
  • Share on Telegram (Opens in new window) Telegram
  • Share on WhatsApp (Opens in new window) WhatsApp

Like this:

Like Loading…

Filed Under: Christian Living, Faith, hope, PTSD, Sam's Place, Truth Tagged With: anxiety, Christian Living, faith, God, trust god

  • « Previous Page
  • 1
  • 2
  • 3
  • 4
  • 5
  • …
  • 18
  • Next Page »

Recent Posts

  • When the sun shines at Sam’s Place
  • My secret is I have battled anxiety for years.
  • You CAN, a tribute of honor to those that DID
  • When sadness turns to joy
  • but its legal, everyone is smoking it now

Recent Comments

  • Charlie on When sadness turns to joy
  • Marcia Kurimay on When sadness turns to joy
  • Marcia Kurimay on The ONE star review.
  • Marcia Kurimay on Law means nothing
  • Hannah Lianne Custer on Law means nothing

Archives

  • July 2026
  • June 2026
  • May 2026
  • April 2026
  • March 2026
  • February 2026
  • January 2026
  • December 2025
  • November 2025
  • October 2025
  • September 2025
  • August 2025
  • July 2025
  • June 2025
  • May 2025
  • April 2025
  • March 2025
  • February 2025
  • January 2025
  • December 2024
  • November 2024
  • October 2024
  • September 2024
  • August 2024
  • July 2024
  • June 2024
  • May 2024
  • April 2024
  • March 2024
  • February 2024
  • January 2024
  • December 2023
  • April 2020
  • March 2020
  • May 2019
  • March 2019
  • February 2019
  • January 2019
  • December 2018
  • October 2018
  • September 2018
  • August 2018
  • July 2018
  • June 2018
  • May 2018
  • April 2018
  • March 2018

Categories

  • Adult Foster Care
  • Autism
  • Autism mom
  • Blended Families
  • Christian Living
  • Faith
  • Fibromyalgia
  • hope
  • new year
  • PTSD
  • Sam's Place
  • School Violence
  • School Walkout
  • Special Needs
  • Step-parenting
  • Truth

Meta

  • Log in
  • Entries feed
  • Comments feed
  • WordPress.org

Subscribe to Blog via Email

Enter your email address to subscribe to this blog and receive notifications of new posts by email.

Join 49 other subscribers

Loading Comments...

    %d