Living Hazzardously

Little pieces of our journey with Jesus

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The authority to destroy a boy

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My entire life has been marked by authority! Do I have authority? Do you have authority? Do they have authority? All great questions, different connotations, but all around authority… but what is authority? How do we get it? Maintain it? Give it? 

The definition of authority is :

The power or right to give orders, make decisions, enforce obedience. A person or organization having power or control in a particular, typically political or administrative, sphere.

The power of yielding to authority or the power of wielding true authority is the only thing that gives authority any value. This is a difficult balance for the person with authority, because with authority comes power, with greater authority comes greater power… power corrupts and greater power corrupts greater… So does authority mean corruption? This is where I want to park today… authority that is used improperly. 

When I was a child in school, I got my grades on a card every semester. I would need to bring that card home, have a parent sign off that they saw it and bring it back. But whose authority was it if I refused? May father? He would have beaten me first and then asked questions… my mother? She was hooked on pain killers this year and she wasn’t really in touch with the world… myself? Yes, there it was, I somehow needed to take charge and figure out a way to get a signature without getting a beating…. I was too young for that authority… so I lost that report card, I made the school redo that report card and things went much better…

You see, the words on that report card from one music teacher would have driven my father into a rage and I would have once again been beaten with a wire coat hanger, I knew if he saw what she wrote about me, my underwear would surely have been stuck to my backside with the bloody stripes of a wire coat hanger, and the next step would be going into the laundry tub to soak the underwear off those bloody stripes in order to use the toilet. So what were those fateful words from a seventh grade music teacher? 

Let’s back up a year, the year was my 6th grade, a summer that changed me forever, my neighbor molested me, my grandfather died, my mother was hooked on pills and I entered JR High. My first 6 grades were in a private school, Immanuel Lutheran Grade School. I was a custodian’s assistant and played basketball. Everything was going fine! I started 7th grade, got picked on, got in typical Jr High fights and was awarded a 2 year all expense paid scholarship at the UofM… tuition, fees, books and housing (I never went to college, that scholarship was wasted) so back to my music teacher. What could be so bad on a report card? Well, I kept that report card, I never actually lost it and I still have it today as a reminder that words can cause more damage than a knife.

 “Charlie is not much use to us!”… 

Those words set me on a path of self destruction and eventually led me to be the man I am today, no regerts! (intentionally misspelled). I remember those words almost as clearly as the words my father spoke with colorful expletives… He exclaimed “you (meaning me) are the worst thing that ever happened to me (meaning me)” of course that’s not the actual quote, it contained many words that should never see the light of day in my blog, but the intent is fully understood when I clasp that phrase in quotes for you.

Back to authority, today God has given me authority in many areas of life: My family. My business. Sam’s Place. Operating our farm… and so much more. But with authority comes responsibility, and with great authority comes great responsibility… that responsibility should never be taken lightly, for we will all be judged by God on what we have done with what has been given to us, as stewards, because in reality, it’s not our authority, it’s Gods!

So this day, remember this, if you are given authority over twenty dollars, and you use it to cause harm to yourself or others… you will not escape the responsibility of that authority. One day I will answer for my actions and I have a shield to protect me from what I have done and what I deserve… That comes with the responsibility of surrendering not just my failures, but also my success… because I can do nothing good apart from HIM who saved me! So give praise where it is due, and not to men, for nothing good has ever been done aside from the father ordaining that good to happen. Nothing good has ever been done in Charlie’s name, except that God has done it though me.

What are you going to do today that is honorable, good and delightful in Gods eyes?

C.

Crawl spaces, everyone has one somewhere

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I was told once that farmers see cows from the “udder-side”, x-ray techs see people from the “in-side” but in my line of work, I see a lot of houses from the “under-side”.

How do we as Christians see people? Do we see the broken days of failed marriages? Or the messes and destruction from bad choices as parents?  Maybe we see the failures caused by years of selfishness and unforgiveness? 

How should we see people? Should we “FORGIVE AND FORGET?” Should we “LOOK FOR THE BRIGHT SIDE”? Or maybe we should look at the world through “ROSE COLORED GLASSES”?

I think Jesus showed us this example very clearly: 

King David was an adulterous murderer.

Mathew was a thief against his own people.

Saul who became Paul was a bureaucratic murderer that used others to kill his opponents.

Moses was slow of speech and humble.

Adam failed in protecting his wife and then threw her under the bus.

The woman at the well was, not a pinnacle of society. 

Jesus never said “live and let live” Jesus never said, “Well, that’s their truth” Jesus never said “lets just agree to disagree” instead he spoke truth though a profit, convicting David… Instead Jesus called the thief out of a tree for dinner. Instead he confronted and asked “why are you persecuting me?” Instead he used a sinner to free his people. Instead he had consequences of being put out of the garden that are in place to this very day. Instead he told her to stop sinning. Jesus judged everyone, calling some “whitewashed tombs filled with dead mans bones”

A donkey talked to the man that was beating him… God used the Donkey to judge this man and for correction. Maybe the next time you think some “donkey” is talking to you and telling you how you need to change…. LISTEN, before he kicks you, in your butt.

I think about this stuff when my body wreaths in pain as I descend a scuttle hole under a house, tools and replacement pump in hand, to provide comfort to those that are struggling that day. How often do we pass by opportunities in our daily jobs, travels and interactions just to say later… “That “person” was so much less human than I am.” Or “That person did “such and such”!” Or we simply just think…. “If they were as good as myself (you fill in your own words here)”

Donkeys are not stubborn, they are cautious, too bad we don’t follow the example of the “donkey” and show some caution when we start forming thoughts of others… We really don’t know the journey they are on. BUT… I also think it’s safe to say… don’t drive 20 under the speed limit until you get to the passing zone and then speed up to 10 over the limit just to slow down at the next no passing zone GRRRRRR (sorry, personal rant there).

This week I was learning a bit about CPTSD and PTSD… PTSD can be caused from a singular event, it can cause nightmares and mess up the daily lives of people, but today I want to mention CPTSD (Complex PTSD). 

From what I understand, so far, CPTSD is a childhood trauma response. Generally caused from betrayal and trust issues that form deep in the early stages of development of a child.. In other words, those that you should be able to trust the most, causing repeated trauma, betrayal and abandonment. This type of PTSD is different in many ways and needs to be dealt with properly, this PTSD causes extreme issues into adulthood… the physical, emotional and spiritual trauma, all linked to trust, betrayal and abandonment. For me, this has manifest in Fibromyalgia, a constant physical pain in every part of my body… It is by far the hardest thing in life for me to manage. Keeping myself busy is the best physical therapy I have found… Antidepressants helped with the pain for a short time, but caused a huge weight gain that seems harder than it should be to regain the BMI of my youth… This condition actually has increased my pain now. 

I guess my point is a parable of the old “Don’t judge a man until you have walked a mile in his shoes” Don’t judge, until… The bible says “do not judge” or does it? The Bible is all about judgment, we have to judge, it’s impossible not to judge… When someone is being abused, we should judge! When someone steals, we should judge! When we decide to turn right vs left…. We judge! We need to judge “rightly” for the right reasons, the right motives, the right purposes… Judging rightly can be difficult, but necessary! 

So, back to crawl spaces. Nobody says “I sure wish I could crawl under that house… I love tight spaces filled with dirt, mice and spiders. I love it when I can hear a raccoon scurry away but it’s too tight to turn and see it charging me… just like with people, sometimes we just need to stop and avoid the worst of crawl spaces because they are just too dark, too dirty and too dangerous. Sometimes we just need to help those that were forced into that crawl space, lend a hand, provide light, or just let them know we are there and there is still a way out… 

I have been in every type of crawl space, steam tunnels with rats, wet trenches by lakes, hand digging a place for ductwork to fit… I’ve been dirty with asbestos, dust and sand, every crack and crevice of my clothing filled, eyes covered with spider webs and once I got face to face with a snake.

Crawl spaces are like people, the one place nobody wants to see, because it reveals the worst places in life. Its not fun to go there but sometimes it’s just unavoidable. 

My Prayer for you today is that God, the ultimate mechanic, can enter your dirtiest crawlspace, clean it up and make it a glorious space to actually visit and work. Charlie

 “JUDGE RIGHTLY”

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My wife is the greatest gift I have ever had, but even she comes with “struggles”… I know I am perfect and bring her no grief, struggles or frustrations… I am perfect! Or am I blind?

I have had my struggles in life and some folks may still refer to me as a struggle for them (what? me??). Why does it seem the most demanding relationships are the ones we value the most? The hardest  relationships are the ones we seem to never give up on.. and never quit?

I noticed many years ago that we all have a tendency to view our actions from a perspective of our own intent, yet we seem to view others’ intent by their actions… What does this look like played out in a relationship? Let’s dive into this frustration today, head long and eyes wide shut.

Today we are going to name our characters Jim and Jane. 

Jim walks in and declares “Can someone please stop putting the dogs outside every time I need to get something done? Can’t you just watch them for a minute?”

Jim is assuming the dogs are put outside (Jane’s action) to make Jane’s life easier (Jane’s intent)…  

Jane puts the dogs outside (Jane’s action) to watch how the dogs love to be with Jim during the chores (Jane’s intent)… 

Jim judged her intent from her action.

Jane judged her actions on her intent.

We can easily switch everything, Names, scenarios, intents and actions… But what do we see? The person making the actions will nearly always measure the outcome by intent and the person experiencing the others actions will nearly always measure intent of the actions based on how they experience the actions… How do we come to a common ground? How do we “JUDGE RIGHTLY”

It’s even more complicated when we experience things multiple times, and see common outcomes based on our preconceptions. Is one better than the other? Maybe.. Maybe not… the important thing for Jim is to try to see it from her perspective and remembering that Jane is not his enemy… or maybe she is his enemy and she is not a faithful partner? Do we always give the benefit of the doubt? Should we assume the worst? Should we not care? 

All these outcomes are hard to navigate, and harder to discern! I used to trust everyone, But my naivete has caught up to my reality and I am now a person that doesn’t trust others until they prove otherwise. There was a long time I believed the opposite, I believed that if somebody wasn’t happy in a situation, they would go talk to the other person and “clear the air”. 

When I married Jess in 2015, I was a person of total distrust, I trusted nobody and never gave people a chance to prove otherwise… she has melted that cold hard heart. Now with God & Jess’s help, I can trust again…

I think about the journey I have been on and How God has sustained me, and how I have turned my back on God many times to trust myself rather than trusting in God…. What a long road.

I have found God is able to rightly judge me, my actions, my intent and that of others in my life. This has lifted a great burden from my shoulders. Much like “Pilgrim” from the John Bunyan book “Pilgrim’s Progress”. The amazing thing is like the John who penned the book of Revelation, this John was also in prison when he penned his book. 

If these men (and many others) can find joy, hope and trust in prison, we can find trust in our homes.

Today, assume the person’s actions that caused you adversity were from a place of purely good intent. Assume the person is your friend and is looking for the best for you. Assume your actions can be misinterpreted as the other person experiences the fall out of your actions. Remember, only God can rightly see all that is in a person’s heart, but if our default is to assume our closest relationships are people that only want what’s best for us, we will all be happier, live longer and be deeper in love… 

May the Lord our God teach you to trust.

Charlie