Living Hazzardously

Little pieces of our journey with Jesus

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Fairytales, unkept promises, like Disneyland.

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The other day Jess and I were chatting and reminiscing about our previous lives. I wonder if other couples talk about “Before we met”. Do other blended family couples pretend the past has simply vanished? Or are we different, I don’t know. In our conversation I mentioned I never got to take the boys on a “fairytale vacation”, like Disneyland or a cruise or some far off land where every families dreams come true… I glanced at Jess, just in time, to see her face turn down and she looked so sad… I will divulge why in a few paragraphs, but first, I will dig into my fairytale vacation. 

What was my “Fairytale” trip with my three sons? I had so many trips planned, some big, some small but all were amazing (in my minds eye). Do you have a fairytale trip? Or maybe life beat you down like it did to me and you never fully recovered from that beating? Probably my biggest fairytale trip was driving and camping to the east coast and west coast… East to Washington DC and Maine for National history then drop down to Tennessee, the Blue ridges, Kentucky and back up to good old Minnesota… West through Montana to Washington to see the ocean and swing south to see the Redwoods, Grand Canyon, Devils Tower, Mount Rushmore and back up to the cities.  

My Trips were always the “natural” wonders and places of historical relevance. I never wanted to see Disneyland (and to be honest, it’s repulsive to think about going there now). Jess however had a different set of dreams… The one thing in common was a desire to share the world with our children, being with them and growing together. Jess had grandparents that took the 3 sisters on trips all over… These trips are still invoking fond memories for Jess. These trips are more than just a vacation, they took Jess on a childhood wonderland that nurtured her innocence, satisfied her adventurous side and filled her with years of joy filled memories.

I too have “fond” memories of trips my father took us on… I never had trips with the Grands. My trips involved a hot car, laying on the floor of the back seat right above the exhaust discharge and being shoved into the back window deck of a 1969 Ford Fairlane 2-door… 5 kids, mom and dad and my smelly dog named Tobias Winslow. Coat hangers were “professionally” installed and held up the exhaust that contained more soup cans that obviously exceeded the original equipment specs. I would say it hardly leaked much exhaust into the passenger compartment, never making us sick. The gas tank fell out rounding the corner of Broadway and Penn Ave on our way back from the Salvation Army Store (collecting more of my fathers hoarder stuff) and more “MacGyver creativity” with wire coat hangers to make the perfect long term repair. But that is yet another story.

Back to Jess… you see, Jess had made a promise to Sam, a mothers promise to her son that when he could use the “potty” like a big boy, they would take a trip to the most magical place in all the world. A place that held mystery, magic and hope… The dream of all dreams where fantasy comes true… As Walt himself once said “I think most of all what I want Disneyland to be is a happy place… where parents and children can have fun, together”

This “Fairytale” was about to start slipping away, a journey of around 20 years… A dream that was murdered by the heartless folds of life. Year after year, Jess held on to this promise, never intending to “skip out”. Never intending to make a promise that she would never keep. As Al grew, his behaviors became a daily management task, a full time job! So big was the job of being Als mom, that she soon fell into a serious depression. So deep that it kept her locked into the room marked “SURVIVAL ONLY” for many years. The hard decision was made, she had to separate Sam from Al, to keep Sam safe.

Doing the only thing she could, she moved blocks away from her baby boy, keeping in mind the promise of Disneyland, putting Sam’s safety ahead of herself and providing everything Al needed. Jess had now laid down her life for her two little boys, putting them first in everything. Torn in half, broken, beaten and collapsing under the weight, but holding onto the Hope of Jesus… As she watched her dream of Disneyland slipping further away, she settled into a reality that hurt and could not be avoided. Disneyland was slipping further away from reality. 

Jess and I don’t plan on giving up our dreams of travel across the USA, but it gets complicated. We have our shared dreams, our “places to go” lists. Our question is “HOW”. We have tried so many different ideas on how to make our trips a reality, but there is so much we still need to iron out… It may be hard for many to imagine, but traveling with Al is way more complicated than traveling with a baby in a car seat. Or as my father did, having us laying on the floor or on the ledge of the back window. Travel with Al is actually always “traveling for Al”. I can see how Disneyland was never a viable option, I have learned so much about the stress families have with a special needs child… I never would have guessed it could be this hard. Don’t get me wrong, Al is a blessing and we love him, I don’t regret for a minute being his provider, parent and teacher… But, to be completely transparent, he is not easy to take care of.

I bet you thought this was about Disneyland… It is actually about the broken heart of a mother?

Sam is buried only a couple miles down the road, Jess likes to stop in from time to time to sit, remember and pretend to have a conversation with Sam. I am sure she likes to imagine Sam running around Disneyland, smiling, eating too much junk food and just being her baby boy that learned how to “Potty like a big boy”…

The dream is never going to become reality now. The stress of losing a son when he is only 22. Breaking a life long promise. Somedays, this would be more than enough to put the strongest of men into bed, weeping for days… Jess is amazing, strong, resilient and capable. Although the “fantasy” trip to Disneyland has been retired, she has found a new hope, a new dream and a new reason to pursue life.

Grandbabies! Sophia, Sadie and the one due in April… Sam’s place. The Redwood forest, the Gulf stream waters. The dreams are different now. The Lord always has and will continue to sustain us, comfort us and give us HOPE, hope comes from God. 

I was told only babies cry, so I guess I am the biggest baby of all. One day I want to write about why I always joke when emotions are high. If you have ADHD, you may very well be very empathetic, you can feel the pain of others, sometimes more than the person who is feeling the emotions… I think that’s me.

May Gods presence be with you today and always, Charlie.

A donkey fell in a well on Sunday. 

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As time goes on, I realize more each day that for me, work is a form of worship. I’m not condoning over work or work addictions. Adam was created to work, he was made as the keeper of the “Garden”… in some translations it may read “caretaker” or another may say “Steward” but over and over I see this underlying theme that we are to do all our work in 6 days and rest on the seventh… 

The Lord’s day, Shabbat, Day of Rest, Sunday, Saturday, Seventh Day, Sabbath, Sabot, Sabbatum, Sabbaton, Shabbath are just a few different names for the day we should keep holy. This seemingly odd command of this principle… one day out of seven, but for what?

Some religions and Christian denominations have put such a heavy emphasis on a particular day, set of rules or procedures and a dedication to this “day” that in some ways they have become a slave to the day. Rules and particulars that are so cumbersome and difficult to “keep” they literally allow no rest, if they truly “keep” the one in seven days…  They are continually, intensely and fully focused on not violating the rules and regulations that are identified with the sabbath day. 

“What is sabbath?” has this question ever truly been addressed, answered and correctly put into perspective? If so, By who? When? How?

 “The Sabbath was made for man, and not man for the Sabbath” according to this statement, am I the lord of my sabbath? Is it for me? The sabbath is not the lord over me… Do I command the sabbath? Do I define the sabbath? Do I get to choose? Or is there some other meaning to take away from this? 

“For the Son of Man is lord of the Sabbath.” Who is the son of Man? Because it sure looks like the “son of man” gets to call the shots here… 

“One person esteems one day as better than another, while another esteems all days alike. Each one should be fully convinced in his own mind.” Each one should be convinced? Wait , can’t I be convinced wrong is right? 

“So the Son of Man is lord even of the Sabbath.” Here we go again… Who is the “Son of Man”

A quick search said there are over 100 verses that reference “Sabbath” or eludes to the concept of sabbath. That’s a lot of verses. So do your homework and see what the creator of the universe did himself and recommends us to do as well… yes, I said “recommends” (I realize its a command, but this is a blog so I get to embellish the words). The bible is clear that you won’t go to hell for a Sabbath violation, but if the one that “Knit” you into your mothers womb says “Take one day out of seven to not work…” Well, I think it’s pretty smart to pay attention.

We still need to answer who is “The Son of Man” very plainly, it is a title of Jesus, the lord of the sabbath. Did Jesus set an example? His example of rest: He Healed many times on the sabbath, he taught in the churches (synagogue) Plucking heads of grain (gathering food) and even made a point of “helping a donkey or son out of a well”..

 All these are clear examples of work, Yet the Lord of the Sabbath commands us to rest from our work… 

I guess we should look into what is work? If we can define this so well, we can achieve a perfect legal definition and in doing so, no longer violate the sabbath… or, do we simply realize we are to do things that refresh our souls and focus us on our creator? Lets not get bogged down in worldly definitions, traditions and man’s tight fisted measurements? Let us simply realize the purpose of the command, its nature, its value, its real meaning… Rest… maybe a nap? (I always try to get a Sunday nap with my girl) Maybe a trip to the store for ice cream? Maybe a movie? Maybe a task that you find refreshing? For instance…some folks like to read (I actually find reading very stressful). Maybe a puzzle? (seems like work to me) Or maybe building a donkey shelter?… Whatever you do, make it restful and Honor the God of creation on that sabbath day.

So now that we have “defined” work, I work on many things on my sabbath! I work on relationships with those that are in my life. I feed my pigs and chickens. Some days I may work on my boat, my motorcycle or perhaps I go mow the trails… The way I see it is this, “Do something different, something therapeutic, something that gives you calm, something refreshing”. If I sit all day on my sabbath, I become filled with pain from my fibro, so I need to move, I need to get out and do something. I choose to do things that really don’t “need” to be done. Instead, I do things that fill my life with things that bring me rest… like a motorcycle ride, or a boating day where I catch no fish, or preparing the trails for a relaxing hike, something non productive, something that isn’t stress. 

Remember how I started this post? Well if you read the entire post so far, I hope you find this closing helpful.  

I am asked so often: “How’s it going at Sam’s Place?” and I usually reply with some dramatic and awkward answers like “WE HAVE SO MUCH TO DO!” or  “ITS SHOCKING HOW MUCH WORK THERE IS TO DO!” Maybe what I should be saying is “Some days the Lord provides more help than I can effectively manage and I struggle to keep everyone assigned to the task at hand. Yet others are not so busy. We trust God every step of the way. There is more work than I accomplish on my own, yet somehow God provides just enough each day. Thank you for asking and thank you for your prayerful support. I would certainly like more help, we trust God will provide according to His timing.” 

I really do not want people to think I am overwhelmed (even though I may have my days). It is an extraordinary project and we have a lot to accomplish. God has given me an extraordinary skill set and I want to honor the Lord by working hard in the tasks he has assigned for me. But I do need help. 

I am still supporting my family by earning a living with Spring Lake Heating and Air. I am still raising pigs for sale. I am still a husband and a full time father to our son with special needs. I love to worship on Sundays.  I love every part of listening to a good sermon. I love Sunday school with like minded adults. I love sharing God’s good news with others. 

I work extremely hard and I love to work hard, BUT… I also need a sabbath day.

I hope this blog helps you to put your sabbath into perspective and helps you realize just how important it is to “honor the sabbath”.

How can you Honor God by setting your sabbath day apart?

Sam’s Place

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Free moon full heaven illustration

The first human in space was the Soviet cosmonaut Yuri Gagarin, who made one orbit around Earth on April 12, 1961, on a flight that lasted 108 minutes. 

Throughout time humans have ventured out of their comfort zone to achieve great, noble, extraordinary & transformative work. Creatively developing new ways to explore, discover and synchronize the world with our ingenuity. 

Providing care for those who need a bit more help in life is how Jess and myself want to spend our energy and resources.

If we surrender to God’s will, what would He have us do? I was reading this morning in one of my favorite books, Ecclesiastes. It says (paraphrased) after you die, you are forgotten in time by everyone you have ever known, except for God. So, in light of this truth, should we not strive to do those things that are most precious to our LORD?

In the year 1885 a statue was starting to be sculpted in France, America was also known for something that inspired this monumental project. Perhaps best explained with an excerpt from a sonnet written for a fundraising event in support of the statue project. See if you recognize this snippet: “Give me your tired, your poor, your huddled masses yearning to breathe free.”

Luke 10 talks about a man who was robbed, beaten and left for dead on the side of the road. Some excellent community members all avoided this man and made excuses to not help, but a foreigner of the land who was despised as an outsider came along and helped this man and took care of him.

Isaiah 1:17 Directs us about how we should change for the better: “learn to do good; seek justice, correct oppression; bring justice to the fatherless, plead the widow’s cause.”

2 Thessalonians 3:13 Gives us direction and encouragement to not quit: “But as for you, brothers and sisters, do not grow weary of doing good.”

1 John 3:17 Tells us to help those in need out of our prosperity, “But whoever has the world’s goods, and sees his brother in need and closes his heart against him, how does the love of God abide in him?”

Orphans, Widows, Samaritans, Tax Collectors, Poor and Needy. 

It is out of this desire to serve that Jess and I have jumped in with both feet and we bought something, something huge, we bought a hospital. Yes, you read that correctly, we bought a hospital.

Introducing “Sam’s Place”

Why “Sam’s Place”? As you may already know, we lost our son, Sam, to an accidental drug overdose in 2022. But his story is more than addiction, much more. Sam was loving, kind and selfless. Sam had a passion for those people in his life that needed a bit more help. Selflessness seemed to just naturally flow from Sam like a great river that waters and nourishes the valley it flows into, always providing, always showing kindness, always listening.

The stories we could tell of Sam would fill this blog for years, but the point I am trying to convey is that Sam was an inspiration and to this day his legacy continues as the name “Sams Place” will now be forever entered into the record books as a reference to caring for the needy. Understanding Sam means you understand gentleness, kindness and love. Sam just had a way of being there for all who “don’t exactly fit”, those that “need a little extra help”. The verse carved on the statue of liberty describes Sam, he lived this verse but also lived for this verse:

“Give me your tired, your poor, your huddled masses yearning to breathe free.”

So here we are, taking the “Old Bigfork Hospital” into the next chapter. A brief history:

1938 construction started for the first rural hospital in North Itasca, 8 beds total.

1953 4 more beds were added with the new addition totaling 12.

1965 the hospital was retired and started a new use as a retirement home.

Over the years the building morphed into the riverside residence and started serving more folks with special needs.

As time went on, the building became more outdated and needed more updates. 

Normally Alex would have been the one to stop for this type of service call, but he was busy, so I stopped to see what we could do. 2 of the three boilers failed, causing the building to heat only in one small section. Electric space heaters littered the building like tiny islands of heat in the arctic wasteland. I just knew this was calling for Jess and me to take action. We both knew from that very first day, this is a divine appointment.  

We realized early, this transformation won’t happen overnight, we need all new windows, exterior doors, roof work, updated electrical panels (still 1938 fuses), heating systems (we hope to add AC in the future) … ALL NEW INTERIOR, a garden out front, a parking lot in back…. The list is endless, and we know it’s a big, long project. And as if that were not enough, my “pipe dream”, a small breakfast cafe open to the public, known for the best cinnamon rolls north of MacGregor!

Jess and I have drafted mission & vision statements we would like to share with you:

Sam’s Place Mission statement: 

Empowering extraordinary opportunities. Highlighting intrinsic human value. Allying the local community. Magnifying individual development, productivity, dignity and independence for our residents.

Sam’s Place Vision Statement:

At Sam’s Place, our vision is to create a clean, organized, and secure living environment for all our residents. We emphasize community involvement, recognizing that all humans are made in the image of the Creator and all people are infinitely valuable in our world. This fundamental belief places community at the heart of our operations.

Our approach to mealtimes extends beyond nourishment; it is about fostering community connections. Whether through a voucher system with local eateries or special meals during community events, we aim to enrich residents’ lives through social interaction. Our aspiration includes launching a community-accessible breakfast cafe within our facility, enhancing both resident and community engagement.

We are committed to personal development, offering our residents opportunities to learn and grow through activities like card and board games, karaoke, book clubs, and crafting workshops. Our staff provides essential guidance in daily life skills, ensuring that every resident receives support tailored to their needs.

Safety is paramount. We implement robust security measures, including controlled access and privacy fencing, particularly around key communal areas like our community garden, which boasts a stunning river view.

Ultimately, our goal is to deliver unparalleled care, upholding the dignity, purpose, and meaning of life for each resident. At Sam’s Place, every individual is valued and treated with the utmost respect, embodying our core belief in the profound worth of every person.

We have plenty to do in this project, but when we are done, our hope is to provide a home for between 16-20 people, where our vision statement can thrive. We invite your support and assistance on this fantastic journey, whatever your level of support, we strongly covet your prayers. 

The Team at “Sam’s Place” thank you in advance for all you do.

Matthew 25:35-40 – “For I was hungry, and you gave me food, I was thirsty, and you gave me drink, I was a stranger and you welcomed me, I was naked, and you clothed me, I was sick, and you visited me, I was in prison, and you came to me. Truly I tell you, whatever you did for one of the least of these brothers and sisters of mine, you did for me.

Now is the time for action! Join us today on this worthwhile journey, developing this dream even further than we had imagined. Remember, you are also infinitely valuable in our world.

Jess and Charlie

Livinghazzardously