Living Hazzardously

Little pieces of our journey with Jesus

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AHHH SWEET ROMANCE!!

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AHHH SWEET ROMANCE!!

As we headed into Home Depot for our very first time, Sam tagged in behind us and Jacob walked beside us but Al blasted the path and was super excited with all the lights and Christmas decorations. The year was 2014 and I was just learning the nuances of this family dynamic. It only took me about two or maybe three trips with Al to discover my massive mistake that day, a mistake I see happen over and over again as people meet Al the first time. 

As we started about the store for a simple trip, or so I thought, I sensed that I had already made a mistake, but I had no clue what or how big it was. You see, I thought I knew how to react to Al and his childish excitement he displayed at the lights. Jess had already started the “regulation” process with Al, but I was just so happy that Al was excited to be out that I perpetuated the excitement, just a little. What I didn’t know was why and how…. Like so many others when they meet Al, they see him as a happy, sweet and kind person with great manners, which is all true but with a huge “but” attached to that statement…. Al does not self-regulate, he amps up and if left unchecked, the obsessive side takes over without notice and he becomes quickly “out of control.”

What do I mean out of control? We see him at church, and he is always so sweet and kind and respectful! What you may not see is lying in wait just under the careful desire he has to show respect, it can turn in a moment and the next thing you know, we are swiftly exiting the church without saying goodbye to anyone. Jess told me once “You just don’t know how many times I have had to leave somewhere because Al was out of control, we would just drive to a park or somewhere that the police wouldn’t get called on us and Al would be screaming and smashing stuff, a couple times I had to call the police or bring him to the police station!”

It may seem like he is simply a sweet young man that is so kindhearted, but the truth is, he cannot control his thoughts alone, he needs constant oversight, redirection and reminders to keep him safe and rational. To be honest, I was not prepared to be a stepdad to Al, he is so much more than I thought I was signing up for! I can honestly say I do not regret being his stepdad. Even after being insulted, punched and kicked… he is still my boy, and I love him.

And why did I title this post sweet romance? Simple, it’s not romance that blinded me of the role I was taking on, it wasn’t Jesse’s pure heart and loving smile… it wasn’t romance that kept me involved…. It was God giving me a new heart, a new reason in life, a “repurposing” if you will. Although Jess certainly played a role, and we are still very romantic, that’s all great but if that’s all it was? I can now honestly admit I would have turned tail and run for the hills like any other sane single man these days. I was “twitterpated”, sure, but it was going to take more than that! God gave me a new life, a second chance, a new beginning… so that makes three times I have been “born”, I guess. 

The days are long, but the years are short. 

Please follow this post as I detail how I became the stepdad to Al and Sam

The big start!

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I often get asked what, why, when, where? Tell me about “Living Hazzardously.”

 I will attempt to summarize it here.

First is WHAT:

We are opening an adult foster care home as our primary occupation. This means that we are opening our home to a few guys who can use a family setting to prosper in life, a place that’s quiet. Our new home is seated on a 40 acre homestead, and we have plans of gardening, chickens, cows, maybe a goat and a horse? Pretty much whatever is needed to provide a home that both challenges and engages our foster people. If they love horses? We will figure out a way to get a horse. Maybe they love gardening? Okay, we will figure that out, too! The idea is to provide meaningful and productive living at the skill level and interest level of our new, expanded family.  We will see how God provides!

Next is WHY:

After discovering what so many adult “foster”care homes provide (first hand for Al but also seeing so many other similar situations) we couldn’t spend another day thinking about how individual needs were not being met. So, if Al were your son, would you not like to see him prosper? Grow? Learn? Enjoy? Or would you rather he go to his room and watch movies for the next 30 years? It’s a simple answer, but a complex application. We truly believe we can make a difference in a couple lives.  Is that worth the risk? Absolutely!

Now is WHEN:

This could not be a more complicated question! The urgency to provide Al with a better way of life vs the life we have vs our other kids vs … well you get the point. God provides for us in many ways, and this is no different. Jess and I had the same idea or “dream” and started discussion over 1.5 years ago. Confirmation came in so many ways. Family, friends, the Bible, our sons…. it seemed to be the only option. So we started to take our leap of faith and changed everything in our lives to move toward this common theme we called “Living Hazzardously”. God’s provision has always been there!

Traveling to WHERE:

We needed the right place, right price, right peace! We needed a house that could either be used as is or be modified to meet the codes.  It needed to be the right price so we could manage a very large reduction in income. We needed the land. It needed to fit our dream (more of that to follow) we traveled for months, searching and visiting so many homes. We traveled from Chaska into the Arrowhead, over to Lake of the Woods, nearly to Fargo.  Then we found Spring Lake.  It fit every requirement but one, we would have to replace two windows. (That’s an easy job for us) and so, here we are, in prayer! Yes, prayer was our biggest confirmation of all.

So, you want to know our bigger dream?

It’s easy. We will be building three cottages on our land to be used for our ministry of helping marriages survive and thrive in the world of special needs. I’ve been told that marriages that have special needs children fail 87% of the time. We want to help those families! We also want to work with pastors to assist blended families and just marriages altogether. We want to help marriage survive and thrive. We will always have a heart for this. Our big dream is to provide respite care when needed, or just a place to learn how to prioritize marriage, while providing for the needs of families. And to provide for these families regardless of financial ability to pay.

Please join us on this “Hazzardous” adventure! We have many needs, but the most valuable is prayer.

Living Hazzardously is stepping out in faith, knowing it’s God’s prompt, trusting the Lord to provide.