Living Hazzardously

Little pieces of our journey with Jesus

Pages

Archives for June 2025

Why I am always the perfect one!

by

I remember a man who assumed he knew what I was saying, but he didn’t. In fact he believed my intentions were very bad. He felt attacked, personally attacked and never once did he ask qualifying questions until the end of the conversation. But, I was done! I regained control of the conversation and tried to make it very clear that he was assuming the wrong intent… By then, the conversation went from a civil dialogue to outright hostility.

I’ve noticed that my communication style seems to spawn this reaction too often… yet I honestly believe I assume the best of a person until they have proven the opposite. So, I guess I am the perfect one!

Why is it this way? When I talk to customers, I seem to do very well. I communicate clearly, informatively, and completely. I seldom have a hostile situation with customers, strangers and business… BUT, personal life is very different many times. I can only assume that the way I talk to those in the “inner” circle is different? Or do we make assumptions in the way we receive information from our closer friends? 

This got me thinking. Do we find grace as people get closer or do we increase our expectations of being talked to in a particular manner? Do we automatically determine the closer we are the more offensive a person should be to us? 

“HOW DARE YOU SPEAK PLAINLY TO ME! I WILL NOW ASSUME YOU ARE MY ENEMY, AND FURTHERMORE, YOU ARE NOW TRYING TO START A FIGHT WITH ME… FROM NOW ON, YOU WILL BE TALKING TO ME WITH HIDDEN MEANINGS AND EVERYTHING YOU SAY IS NOW A HORRIBLE ATTACK ON MY VERY EXISTENCE”

What an odd scenario, I must find a way to talk to those I care about in a way that is not offensive yet plainly spoken when I see a stronghold on those I care for… Jesus said something about this:

Mark 6:4 Jesus said to them, “A prophet is not without honor except in his hometown and among his own relatives and in his own household.”

Could Jesus define this phenomena? I believe he wrote this for a specific reason, he wanted us to know that those who know you the best, tolerate you the least… How odd! You prove for years you have good intentions, always and still, and yet your intent is now assumed to be that of an enemy. 

Don’t get me wrong, I too judge others intentions by the words. Yet as for myself, I am perfect, so I judge my words by my intentions.….. My intentions are always measured by myself, your intentions are also measured by me.. I can perfectly measure my intentions every time, so obviously that makes us experts on measuring everyone else’s intentions as well… 

My message for you today is to start assuming the best in others and when you start to feel like someone close is “attacking” or perhaps “criticizing” you, stop, take a good look, seek first to understand and then to be understood.

James 1:19 You know this, my beloved brothers and sisters. Now everyone must be quick to hear, slow to speak, and slow to anger;

Proverbs 18:13 One who gives an answer before he hears,
It is foolishness and shame to him.

Generally, ask this before you assume and become angered “This person I am talking to, are they my friend, do I trust they care about me? Are they invested in my life? Am I trying to just pick a fight because I don’t like what they are saying? Am I just being a snowflake? And lastly…. Is the person I am talking to from Generation X, because if they are, they probably don’t do the following:

  • Talking in circles means repeating the same point without making progress or getting to the core issue.
  • Beating around the bush means avoiding the main topic or being evasive, often due to discomfort or fear of directness. 

And they likely communicate within the following parameters:

  • Concise and clear: They get to the point efficiently and avoid unnecessary words or details.
  • Direct: They address the issue at hand directly and honestly.
  • Forthright: They express their ideas or needs openly and candidly.
  • Frank: They are open and honest in their communication.
  • To the point: They focus on the essential information rather than tangents. 

In essence, these individuals value efficiency, clarity, and directness in their communication. 

Please don’t become offended, but rather value frankness and assume the best of intentions. The person you are talking to is likely very passionate and cares deeply, otherwise, they won’t waste time talking to you.

And if you are like me, stop being so “efficient” these are people not computer programs you are talking to… FEELINGS MATTER, at least to them. 

As always, God Bless, C.

DAD’S day

by

When is a good dad great?

On fathers day, I wanted to look at and understand the complexities of a good father vs a great father. 

A good father loves

A great father loves

A good father says “I love you”

A great father says “I love you”

A good father provides

A great father provides

A good father supports

A great father supports

A good father is present

A great father is present

A good father is a positive role model

A great father is a positive role model

A good father is a friend to his kids

A great father is a great friend to his kids

All in all, there are many principles to be followed in these statements, and none of them are bad, they are all levels of good fathering…

Dr Google says :

The key difference [between a good and great father] lies in the level of active engagement and the depth of the relationship with their children. 

The world is measured by the world, and basically the difference is found in the “degree of goodness” a father has for his kids. 

“A good father is good to his kids and a great father is gooder to his kids”

But the bible sees it very differently… The bible says “fathers” with no distinction between “good” and “great”. So what does it mean to be a father in the bible? Here are a few key illustrations from scripture:

raising them in the Lord’s instruction

 guiding children towards a right path

 righteous and wise, highlighting the impact of a father’s example

 leading with reverence for God

You can clearly see the Bible has turned the relationship of

“father / child”

to

“father/God, child/God, father/child”

and does not talk about the child and father without God, a great father is a three way relationship putting God at the center and father/child on each side.

“father/GOD/child”

If you want to be a good father, be good to your kids, if you want to be a great father, be gooder to your kids but if you want to be the father you are called to be… put God in that relationship first and always point back to God. 

“Which of you, if your son asks for bread, will give him a stone? Or if he asks for a fish, will give him a snake?

If you think you are a good father, God says you are actually evil (by comparison or actually evil by human standards, it matters not). “evil” and you still make good choices for your kids…

A godly father should be our goal, not a good father and not a great father. We should be friendly, not friends. We should be models, not peers. We should be God focused, not person focused. Take back the role of father today and serve your children well, teach them in the ways of the Lord first. 

May God richly bless your sacrificial service to your family today as you discover God’s sacrificial service to you. 

Special side note: There are a group of men that give extra, not all are “GOOD” but remember the “step fathers” who make a decision every day to be a father to a child that usually rejects that man daily, remember those men that “step in” as a father…

C

The authority to destroy a boy

by

My entire life has been marked by authority! Do I have authority? Do you have authority? Do they have authority? All great questions, different connotations, but all around authority… but what is authority? How do we get it? Maintain it? Give it? 

The definition of authority is :

The power or right to give orders, make decisions, enforce obedience. A person or organization having power or control in a particular, typically political or administrative, sphere.

The power of yielding to authority or the power of wielding true authority is the only thing that gives authority any value. This is a difficult balance for the person with authority, because with authority comes power, with greater authority comes greater power… power corrupts and greater power corrupts greater… So does authority mean corruption? This is where I want to park today… authority that is used improperly. 

When I was a child in school, I got my grades on a card every semester. I would need to bring that card home, have a parent sign off that they saw it and bring it back. But whose authority was it if I refused? May father? He would have beaten me first and then asked questions… my mother? She was hooked on pain killers this year and she wasn’t really in touch with the world… myself? Yes, there it was, I somehow needed to take charge and figure out a way to get a signature without getting a beating…. I was too young for that authority… so I lost that report card, I made the school redo that report card and things went much better…

You see, the words on that report card from one music teacher would have driven my father into a rage and I would have once again been beaten with a wire coat hanger, I knew if he saw what she wrote about me, my underwear would surely have been stuck to my backside with the bloody stripes of a wire coat hanger, and the next step would be going into the laundry tub to soak the underwear off those bloody stripes in order to use the toilet. So what were those fateful words from a seventh grade music teacher? 

Let’s back up a year, the year was my 6th grade, a summer that changed me forever, my neighbor molested me, my grandfather died, my mother was hooked on pills and I entered JR High. My first 6 grades were in a private school, Immanuel Lutheran Grade School. I was a custodian’s assistant and played basketball. Everything was going fine! I started 7th grade, got picked on, got in typical Jr High fights and was awarded a 2 year all expense paid scholarship at the UofM… tuition, fees, books and housing (I never went to college, that scholarship was wasted) so back to my music teacher. What could be so bad on a report card? Well, I kept that report card, I never actually lost it and I still have it today as a reminder that words can cause more damage than a knife.

 “Charlie is not much use to us!”… 

Those words set me on a path of self destruction and eventually led me to be the man I am today, no regerts! (intentionally misspelled). I remember those words almost as clearly as the words my father spoke with colorful expletives… He exclaimed “you (meaning me) are the worst thing that ever happened to me (meaning me)” of course that’s not the actual quote, it contained many words that should never see the light of day in my blog, but the intent is fully understood when I clasp that phrase in quotes for you.

Back to authority, today God has given me authority in many areas of life: My family. My business. Sam’s Place. Operating our farm… and so much more. But with authority comes responsibility, and with great authority comes great responsibility… that responsibility should never be taken lightly, for we will all be judged by God on what we have done with what has been given to us, as stewards, because in reality, it’s not our authority, it’s Gods!

So this day, remember this, if you are given authority over twenty dollars, and you use it to cause harm to yourself or others… you will not escape the responsibility of that authority. One day I will answer for my actions and I have a shield to protect me from what I have done and what I deserve… That comes with the responsibility of surrendering not just my failures, but also my success… because I can do nothing good apart from HIM who saved me! So give praise where it is due, and not to men, for nothing good has ever been done aside from the father ordaining that good to happen. Nothing good has ever been done in Charlie’s name, except that God has done it though me.

What are you going to do today that is honorable, good and delightful in Gods eyes?

C.