AHHH SWEET ROMANCE!!
As we headed into Home Depot for our very first time, Sam tagged in behind us and Jacob walked beside us but Al blasted the path and was super excited with all the lights and Christmas decorations. The year was 2014 and I was just learning the nuances of this family dynamic. It only took me about two or maybe three trips with Al to discover my massive mistake that day, a mistake I see happen over and over again as people meet Al the first time.
As we started about the store for a simple trip, or so I thought, I sensed that I had already made a mistake, but I had no clue what or how big it was. You see, I thought I knew how to react to Al and his childish excitement he displayed at the lights. Jess had already started the “regulation” process with Al, but I was just so happy that Al was excited to be out that I perpetuated the excitement, just a little. What I didn’t know was why and how…. Like so many others when they meet Al, they see him as a happy, sweet and kind person with great manners, which is all true but with a huge “but” attached to that statement…. Al does not self-regulate, he amps up and if left unchecked, the obsessive side takes over without notice and he becomes quickly “out of control.”
What do I mean out of control? We see him at church, and he is always so sweet and kind and respectful! What you may not see is lying in wait just under the careful desire he has to show respect, it can turn in a moment and the next thing you know, we are swiftly exiting the church without saying goodbye to anyone. Jess told me once “You just don’t know how many times I have had to leave somewhere because Al was out of control, we would just drive to a park or somewhere that the police wouldn’t get called on us and Al would be screaming and smashing stuff, a couple times I had to call the police or bring him to the police station!”
It may seem like he is simply a sweet young man that is so kindhearted, but the truth is, he cannot control his thoughts alone, he needs constant oversight, redirection and reminders to keep him safe and rational. To be honest, I was not prepared to be a stepdad to Al, he is so much more than I thought I was signing up for! I can honestly say I do not regret being his stepdad. Even after being insulted, punched and kicked… he is still my boy, and I love him.
And why did I title this post sweet romance? Simple, it’s not romance that blinded me of the role I was taking on, it wasn’t Jesse’s pure heart and loving smile… it wasn’t romance that kept me involved…. It was God giving me a new heart, a new reason in life, a “repurposing” if you will. Although Jess certainly played a role, and we are still very romantic, that’s all great but if that’s all it was? I can now honestly admit I would have turned tail and run for the hills like any other sane single man these days. I was “twitterpated”, sure, but it was going to take more than that! God gave me a new life, a second chance, a new beginning… so that makes three times I have been “born”, I guess.
The days are long, but the years are short.
Please follow this post as I detail how I became the stepdad to Al and Sam