Living Hazzardously

Little pieces of our journey with Jesus

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AHHH SWEET ROMANCE!!

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AHHH SWEET ROMANCE!!

As we headed into Home Depot for our very first time, Sam tagged in behind us and Jacob walked beside us but Al blasted the path and was super excited with all the lights and Christmas decorations. The year was 2014 and I was just learning the nuances of this family dynamic. It only took me about two or maybe three trips with Al to discover my massive mistake that day, a mistake I see happen over and over again as people meet Al the first time. 

As we started about the store for a simple trip, or so I thought, I sensed that I had already made a mistake, but I had no clue what or how big it was. You see, I thought I knew how to react to Al and his childish excitement he displayed at the lights. Jess had already started the “regulation” process with Al, but I was just so happy that Al was excited to be out that I perpetuated the excitement, just a little. What I didn’t know was why and how…. Like so many others when they meet Al, they see him as a happy, sweet and kind person with great manners, which is all true but with a huge “but” attached to that statement…. Al does not self-regulate, he amps up and if left unchecked, the obsessive side takes over without notice and he becomes quickly “out of control.”

What do I mean out of control? We see him at church, and he is always so sweet and kind and respectful! What you may not see is lying in wait just under the careful desire he has to show respect, it can turn in a moment and the next thing you know, we are swiftly exiting the church without saying goodbye to anyone. Jess told me once “You just don’t know how many times I have had to leave somewhere because Al was out of control, we would just drive to a park or somewhere that the police wouldn’t get called on us and Al would be screaming and smashing stuff, a couple times I had to call the police or bring him to the police station!”

It may seem like he is simply a sweet young man that is so kindhearted, but the truth is, he cannot control his thoughts alone, he needs constant oversight, redirection and reminders to keep him safe and rational. To be honest, I was not prepared to be a stepdad to Al, he is so much more than I thought I was signing up for! I can honestly say I do not regret being his stepdad. Even after being insulted, punched and kicked… he is still my boy, and I love him.

And why did I title this post sweet romance? Simple, it’s not romance that blinded me of the role I was taking on, it wasn’t Jesse’s pure heart and loving smile… it wasn’t romance that kept me involved…. It was God giving me a new heart, a new reason in life, a “repurposing” if you will. Although Jess certainly played a role, and we are still very romantic, that’s all great but if that’s all it was? I can now honestly admit I would have turned tail and run for the hills like any other sane single man these days. I was “twitterpated”, sure, but it was going to take more than that! God gave me a new life, a second chance, a new beginning… so that makes three times I have been “born”, I guess. 

The days are long, but the years are short. 

Please follow this post as I detail how I became the stepdad to Al and Sam

The day I got a scar so big that I wept.

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The day I got a scar so big that I wept. 

 There comes a day in a man’s life when he takes a look at the “fork in the road”, mine is from a few years ago. Maybe it was the wrong fork? I don’t think so! … The fork in the road for me led me to this very day. I could live regretful and feel sorry, or I can look at it as a painful opportunity that led me to a prosperous life…  The reality is twofold… 

1st: The fork in my road was not a choice, it was a closed road in one direction and a rocky path in the other direction. 

2nd: Prosperity takes many forms, this form is Autism..

It’s no secret my divorce was a grueling and terrible experience, it truly does defeat a man in short order. BUT… it also brought me a new life. It’s not something I “wanted”, it’s not something I was seeking out and it’s certainly not something I would want for one of my boys. But there it is, the boys and I became scar covered and battered. Yet we dug in and overcame… I tell them “It’s just what Hazzards do!”

I did my best in those trying times, we gave up cable tv, we had no options for broadcast tv. I maintained an internet connection for the boys to help them with schoolwork. We ate rice and beans more times than I can count! We asked the county for help with food, to no avail. We didn’t “qualify” because we didn’t have disconnect notices for gas, electric or water. I was doing what I needed to do to meet the financial demands of those days, that means… rice and beans. It’s what Hazzards do, we survive.

My loyal dog never went hungry either, I just worked harder and longer. When the boys were away to visit their mother every other weekend, I would work, go for bike rides, walk the town and do whatever I could to stay sane… me and the boys did everything together, all the time… to be apart for even a few hours was a challenge, weekends were “our times”… camping, exploring, doing, building and everything, we lived for the days we didn’t go to school or work..

What does this have to do with Autism? Well, the good Lord was preparing my three sons and myself for a future challenge, a challenge we knew nothing about. And so, our stubbornness was at its apex, and it was found to be insufficient. I had finally learned how to live in the hope that God provides. Because I had nothing left, I was finally broken, not defeated, just fully dependent on my God, after all, HE is bigger than my problems. 

Fast forward to the summer or maybe the fall of 2014, I happened to be at church choir practice at the same time as the “catalyst” to my new life was also there, her name is Jessica. She too had a life of difficult years and together we became a force to be reckoned with! That was 2015. The start to a story I was not anticipating. A life that makes me question everything I have done and everything I plan to do.

Over the next few weeks, I hope to blog about what it’s like to become a stepfather to a son with autism. I hope to share our challenges and victories as well as sharing in our defeats. I want to share this in a way that is respectful and honest. I want to share this with all the emotions we have had, but not go too crazy. I want to share the scars and defeats as well as the major victories and the little wins. 

We hope this Blog finds you well today, LIvinghazzardously.

MIND EQUALS BLOWN!!

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The day that spelling hurt my head.

I have dyslexia and I have discovered a thing called “auto-correct” or another form is “spell check” BUT, what is Dyslexia? Is it stupidity? Is it a learning disability? Or is it just the way things are? Like a hair color? or personality traits?

The MAYO defined it as:

“Dyslexia is a learning disorder that involves difficulty reading due to problems identifying speech sounds and learning how they relate to letters and words (decoding). Also called a reading disability, dyslexia is a result of individual differences in areas of the brain that process language.

Dyslexia is not due to problems with intelligence, hearing or vision. Most children with dyslexia can succeed in school with tutoring or a specialized education program. Emotional support also plays an important role.

Though there’s no cure for dyslexia, early assessment and intervention result in the best outcome. Sometimes dyslexia goes undiagnosed for years and isn’t recognized until adulthood, but it’s never too late to seek help.”

CURE!??!!! I DONT WANT A CURE! I SAY HOGWASH! Dyslexia is a much-needed form of information processing for my talents, if you took it away from me, I would be crushed!!! Sure, it makes things harder in academia, but let’s be honest, school is a very short time in life (unless you become a teacher I guess). I attended school until I could “drop out” in my sophomore year of high school, how stupid? Well, let me tell you a secret… In the Eighth grade I earned a 2 year all-expense paid ride at the UofM but never used it. For me school was terribly slow repetition and mundane. My IQ was measured many years ago and it was actually very high. (stating facts, to prove my point, not bragging) SO WHY DID I DROP OUT?

I made the decision to drop out after 10th grade geometry, I was so excited to start this wonderful world of shapes and magic. Instead, I was forced into a chair, and we started reviewing basic math. For a few weeks I tried really hard to sit in the class and learn but all we did was basic math skills… AND I MEAN BASIC! I was so disappointed and discouraged that I just gave up, I dropped out of school and started experimenting with what destroyed my life for many years to come. That is the topic of future blogs.

I have been doing my own research on dyslexia and have found some breakthrough information that has helped me learn how to better function in my very unique world and how I see things. Dyslexia can better be described using a threefold approach. I will try to explain this complex pattern of thoughts in a simple and short manner. I know I will misrepresent this information as some folks understand it and may leave out other information that, yet others may understand better. My point is not to perfectly explain the Dyslexic person in every situation but rather to represent my challenges in my own experiences.

When I say the sentence “The sky is blue” we can see basically three distinct ways to process that sentence. The first is to look at the words and think of the words as they make up the sentence (word thinking). The second, and probably the most common way, is to visualize the “blue sky” (picture thinking). BUT the dyslexic person may see both words and pictures with an enhancement… 3D thinking. Thinking. Seeing the words and the picture but in a 3-dimensional way. Seeing the words from front, back, top and bottom. This is why I can never seem to master spelling. I see words and letters from all sides as if they are objects as well as words. But wait, there is more: I see the picture of a blue sky from three dimensions as well.

MIND EQUALS BLOWN!

So, for me it is like seeing every sentence, word, idea, thought and concept as a three-dimensional computer-generated display. Think of the “Iron Man” computer, it displays a three-dimensional interactive interface that can be spun, twisted, expanded and changed… So, I can see what I want to make, do or feel but I can’t explain it in common language. 

Mayo got it all wrong! Dyslexia is not a deficiency and certainly not a disability, it’s an enhancement. And gives me the ability to create things in my head and troubleshoot things that some are unable to even understand. Does this make me superhuman? Better? Superior? Well, no but it does make me better at what I do. And to be frank, I love my disab-yslexia. And so does Jessica, because she is a word thinker and together, we are perfect, apart we fall short. I thank the Lord for my disability.

I pray you feel our Lord has richly bless you this beautiful day, Living Hazzardously.