Living Hazzardously

Little pieces of our journey with Jesus

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nobody missed him

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I was reading today about a man named Chase. Chase was not from our area but could easily be one of many folks around your very own neighborhood. He could have been the retired “hermit” in the north woods, the “bum” you saw outside Target today, the woman pushing a stroller that holds all her worldly possessions as she walked along the road, or the grandmother that got scammed for all she had in life. 

Chase was challenged in this world to “fit in” he wasn’t trying to be “odd” he wasn’t trying to be a burden, he wasn’t trying to scare you and he wasn’t trying to “ruin your neighborhood”…  He did get into trouble, he did steal from time to time, he did ask you to help him… He did smell funky, he did look unkept, He did have value. 

Chase died alone, behind a Target store, nobody knew he was dead, nobody missed him. He was discovered days later, by accident. 

This story is all too common, our system is broken, so many “un-homed persons” are given a huge check each month. Spending this check in only a few days, maybe getting a motel room for a night to shower and sleep like royalty. As they slip over to the local homeless shelter to wash clothes for free, get a free meal from the mission or local “community action” group. Eventually, this outcast will head back over to the corner of the county park, set up as a “tent city”… Month after month, year after year until one day, after seeking shelter in a fish house in the back yard of a local person, they quietly die and are discovered days or weeks later as the owner starts setting up his spear house for that big muskie. 

Yes, many times this person will take advantage of everyone. Whether you are trying to help them or just ignore them, so often they will burn every bridge. BUT there is always that one “inconvenient truth”… Our government will pay them to be homeless! That’s right! Living on the streets is much more profitable that taking up residency in a home where people care and love them….

If I can get $1000.00 and get handouts for dinner, free clothes, as many tents and blankets as I want… Or, go to a house and pay $600.00 in rent, that only leaves $400.00 for smokes, food, utilities and “habits”… Loosing all the free stuff? Living in the county park for free, the freedom to go anywhere at anytime, folks buying you a meal at a restaurant you cant  afford…. You might learn pretty fast how to manipulate the world too. 

Don’t get me wrong, every homeless person we encounter that chooses to be on the streets has a counterpart that works to get off the streets…  It’s not a one size fits all equation. 

But the reality is this, it’s a challenge to be homeless, but many would rather be homeless and have the monthly paycheck than to live in a house or apartment and give that paycheck to a landlord. 

I think our government should start attending “co-dependent” counseling and learn a bit about “enabling”. I am no “expert” by any stretch, but the solution is not more money poured into a system that clearly doesn’t work! 

What was the ancient proverb? “Doing the exact same thing over and over and expecting different results each time is the true definition of insanity”?

Sam’s Place is one place that is trying to make a difference. We are not operating on some big budget, In fact it costs Jess and I every month to keep our doors open, yes, I pay to keep it going. One day we know we will reach a net zero, one day we know we will get to the point of making a difference and hopefully we will one day be able to reduce our rent price and meet those folks that “don’t fit into society”… I hope one day read about the Chases of this world, and how a small act of caring and kindness helped them overcome the challenges they face daily and become a vital part of society that gives back to the next person in the line of despair and solitude. 

Not everyone that dies alone behind Target has to be there or should be there! 

A young man that was brilliant, started his masters degree, excelled in mathematics, theoretical math, but struggled to fit into the society around him. A man of 60 plus, another brilliant mind, who lived behind his mothers house in a camper for two years, but never fit into the cookie cutter world we have. Another man who finished his degree with top honors and found himself alone and hearing voices, losing touch with reality, collecting pop cans. A mother who can’t get along with people, not receiving help because she doesn’t exactly fit the bill, she is almost to the point of getting help but doesn’t qualify. The motivated person who did some bad drugs and now lives with the constant looming cloud they may very well one day slip away into a psychosis that never ends. 

We can’t help everyone, and not everyone can be helped by Sam’s Place, but we can help 15, we can help some become stable, independent and some to just be safe and loved. 

Sam’s Place can’t change the entire world, but it can help change the lives of those we serve. Maybe one day, we can help more “brothers and sister” that are ready to come in out of the rain, a retired “man or lady” that is looking to find a home that doesn’t break the bank, a “cousin” that suffers from childhood trauma and needs a safe, secure place to live… At Sam’s Place, we don’t just take the ones that are homeless, outcast and don’t fit in, we take anyone that is looking for a loving home, but they must want to succeed, be safe and live clean. 

God blessed you, if you can read this, God has blessed you. C

The lawn chair that stole me beer

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I just don’t know what year it was but I remember the situation like it was only yesterday. I was sitting in a lawn chair, I don’t remember where, I just remember saying “WHY?”

Rewind to the late 1990’s, I was a garbage man. I was working for an outfit in Eagan MN and living in Anoka MN, a distance of about 40 miles, directly through the heart of the city.

After driving to work at 2 am, I would hop into my 50,000 lbs truck and hurl it through the back alleys and driveways of the Minneapolis and St Paul metro area, reaching speeds of 20 miles per hour past telephone poles that are inches away from the mirrors, stopping and dragging dumpsters out into the alley across snow banks and avoiding racoons and rats on a daily basis… I could tell you hundreds of stories… The prostitute trying to stay warm on a cold winter night. The cat carcass that was obviously served for dinner the night before… So much more… but I am not here to tell the horror stories of hauling trash on the UofM campus where the hot tub party was in full swing as I backed into the dumpster at 4:30 am…. Or ending my day at about 1 pm, just to drive another hour to get home… or maybe not drive home. Maybe I decided to stop off with the guys for a cold beverage… finally heading home at 7pm…

That is not the story I am here to tell you about, I’m here to tell you about the hope I was given in a new life.

I continued this pattern of consuming the “COLD LIBATIONS” well past my garbage days, into my new career of HVAC. Day after day, Night after night…Monday night football means a case of Michelob Golden and snacky foods, a bag of chips, a fresh smoked goose or a deep fried turkey… Some days the boys would be with me and others I went alone, but never would I miss a Monday night football game… I told myself “this is the one night out of seven that’s MINE!

MY NIGHT, truth be told, I was able to not drink most evenings, instead I would fix the house, take the boys camping and still drink every other night I could. I would tell myself “as long as I don’t start drinking alone, I am not a drunk bum or alchy”. I remembered my father, and how every Wednesday night he had his “ONE DAY”. The one day he would turn onto a bike path on the way home down the parkway, or run into every curb with that right front tire, making a miscalculation on every turn….  I never knew I would be like him, drunk one night a week. I wouldn’t know how much I drank and “DIDNT GET DRUNK” until my eyes were opened to the truth. 

The eye opening started one night in Eagan, at a “buddies” house, eating deep fried anything, drinking until it was time to leave as Monday night football concluded for the night. I was living in Ramsey at that point, just a few miles further now. I wasn’t drunk, I just had a few. I was feeling sick, I must have eaten something that didn’t settle. I struggled to see the road as it was moving all over the place on that clear summer evening. As I crossed the river on MN77 (Cedar Ave) I felt the welling up from deep inside, but like the good drunk I had become, slowly and steadily, I overcame the issue, grabbing a jacket to mop up the mess I just made all over the steering wheel, dash board and seat… I GOT THIS MAN!!! 

I sat years later, reflecting on that night, reflecting on my class reunion, reflecting on my wallet…Remeber? I was sitting in the lawn chair, and I asked “WHY?” I sat holding a half downed can of Budweiser, I looked at it and said “WHY”. I set it down, I looked at it, I remembered all the good times I had because of the bottle, can or mixer… never have I had a moment so clear in my life… never touched a drop after that, but the temptation, coercion and manipulations were just starting… The sideways look from the guys you work with when you say “No thanks, I don’t go to bars” like it’s some sort of perverse character flaw. The gal at work that’s flirtatious and asks you out to have drinks at her place… The ex wife that screams “YOU USED TO BE FUN BEFORE YOU QUIT DRINKING”… 

And still, the Lord held my hand stronger and whispered softly… “I won’t stop you, but you have the choice to not drink, to change your life, to be a good father, to be clean”

That last beer was probably around the year 2008, I am only guessing from circumstances I remember in our life. So I’m not exactly positive what year or what date, It wasn’t a date I thought to mark down, record or celebrate like so many other folks can do. To me? I just stopped drinking in a super natural way that can only be credited to the Lord of Lords, King of Kings, the almighty God, creator of heaven and earth, creator of me and you! I take no credit aside from giving up the fight and listening to the “TRUTH”. A small voice that called me out of darkness and into the light. 

I hope my testimony finds you well. I pray you can know the hope I had on that fate filled lawn chair, somewhere in Minnesota when I looked at that can of beer and said one simple word “WHY?”

May God richly bless you on the beautiful Sunday morning. C

Think positive

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Do you remember the line from a long time ago? In the movie “Charlie and the Chocolate factory”?… if you remember it, sing it with me… “THINK POSITIVE…”

My oldest son played the part of Grampa in the high school play back in Bell Plaine… For many years that is exactly what I did, I just had positive thoughts, replacing the negative with the positive. It actually works well. 

BUT, there are times that positive thoughts simply means you are not looking at the situation realistically. Sometimes, a good old fashioned dose of pessimism is exactly what the situation calls for… Sometimes, there isn’t a really bright side. Sometimes, the negative is what you need so you can make corrections. Sometimes reality is a perspective that is not so jolly and positive. Sometimes, change is probably for the best.

For the most part I look at the world with a perspective that my cup is actually full. Because half with water and the other half with air, is actually full.

Think about that, it’s always full of something and to me, that’s “opportunity”… maybe to grow, maybe to move, maybe to withdraw, maybe to engage?…. One thing I know for certain, God has always provided better for me when I have moved in faith to his calling… listening to that still, small voice, hearing God’s words clearly and then stepping out, when it’s time.

When I was growing up, my father taught me many hard lessons. When he wasn’t screaming profanities and breaking stuff that he would later blame us kids… He would collect and store even more “stuff” in the hoarder house,  on the north side of MPLS. One thing I did learn is how to work, how to value work, how to never give up and how to never quit… If I didn’t learn these lessons, there was a swift reach for that wire coat hanger, i felt it across my backside to remind me what the best choices are for me. 

I learned these and many more lessons in life and then put these lessons into practice. It wasn’t all bad and it taught me a great deal of self discipline. I remember a quote, I think from Ben Franklin, could be wrong, but it went something like this… “Most folks are afraid of opportunity because it comes dressed in overalls and looks like work”. So to me, the world looked like one big opportunity and I was never afraid of digging in and getting dirty… This has served me well for over 50 years now… and that has been good… but now….  My body hurts… When I say “hurts” I mean it hurts in ways I don’t understand, in places I didn’t know existed and from things I have been doing my whole life. It’s like I have been betrayed by father time and he is getting a good laugh out of watching me struggle. Time is nobody’s friend, when it comes down to the brass tacks.

So back to the Willy Wonka Chocolate Factory… change is necessary from time to time, some change we make ends up with bad choices, we should be quick to adjust and change. Correct our trajectory. Yet others are seasonal and we may be there longer, we may get comfortable and compliant. Sometimes we just fight with God until that one day, we finally give in and move away… it can be very painful, but I have found if we stop fighting the change as soon as we know its time, things go much better. The sooner we can get back to serving God the way he has asked us to serve him, the better. Rest in the wisdom of the Lord and not on your own understanding. Things just go better. Putting off all bitterness, seek first to understand and then to be understood. 

I realize change is needed, I know I can not keep going forever, I just pray the Lord sends the right “younger man” to us, so that he may learn this business and take it over. If not, I have a bunch of equipment to sell, give away or toss out… one day, but I am not quitting yet. I have realized I’m not able to replace two furnaces in one day like I was doing only a few short years ago… nowadays? I take breaks! Never did that before. I take a lunch break too! It’s oddly refreshing. I only work 6-8 hours before calling it a day (sometimes)… I retreat to my home where my faithful foot massager is waiting for my daily dose of “ohh that’s a new pain!”

Change in life is the one thing that never changes.

So I say good bye to that which was and say hello to that great new tomorrow, with open arms, no regrets, no bitterness, only joy filled anticipation of what God has in store for us… as in Jess and I… 

God bless you all this day. We love you all and hope your next change is not filled with pain, but a joy that surpasses all understanding. C