Living Hazzardously

Little pieces of our journey with Jesus

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 “JUDGE RIGHTLY”

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My wife is the greatest gift I have ever had, but even she comes with “struggles”… I know I am perfect and bring her no grief, struggles or frustrations… I am perfect! Or am I blind?

I have had my struggles in life and some folks may still refer to me as a struggle for them (what? me??). Why does it seem the most demanding relationships are the ones we value the most? The hardest  relationships are the ones we seem to never give up on.. and never quit?

I noticed many years ago that we all have a tendency to view our actions from a perspective of our own intent, yet we seem to view others’ intent by their actions… What does this look like played out in a relationship? Let’s dive into this frustration today, head long and eyes wide shut.

Today we are going to name our characters Jim and Jane. 

Jim walks in and declares “Can someone please stop putting the dogs outside every time I need to get something done? Can’t you just watch them for a minute?”

Jim is assuming the dogs are put outside (Jane’s action) to make Jane’s life easier (Jane’s intent)…  

Jane puts the dogs outside (Jane’s action) to watch how the dogs love to be with Jim during the chores (Jane’s intent)… 

Jim judged her intent from her action.

Jane judged her actions on her intent.

We can easily switch everything, Names, scenarios, intents and actions… But what do we see? The person making the actions will nearly always measure the outcome by intent and the person experiencing the others actions will nearly always measure intent of the actions based on how they experience the actions… How do we come to a common ground? How do we “JUDGE RIGHTLY”

It’s even more complicated when we experience things multiple times, and see common outcomes based on our preconceptions. Is one better than the other? Maybe.. Maybe not… the important thing for Jim is to try to see it from her perspective and remembering that Jane is not his enemy… or maybe she is his enemy and she is not a faithful partner? Do we always give the benefit of the doubt? Should we assume the worst? Should we not care? 

All these outcomes are hard to navigate, and harder to discern! I used to trust everyone, But my naivete has caught up to my reality and I am now a person that doesn’t trust others until they prove otherwise. There was a long time I believed the opposite, I believed that if somebody wasn’t happy in a situation, they would go talk to the other person and “clear the air”. 

When I married Jess in 2015, I was a person of total distrust, I trusted nobody and never gave people a chance to prove otherwise… she has melted that cold hard heart. Now with God & Jess’s help, I can trust again…

I think about the journey I have been on and How God has sustained me, and how I have turned my back on God many times to trust myself rather than trusting in God…. What a long road.

I have found God is able to rightly judge me, my actions, my intent and that of others in my life. This has lifted a great burden from my shoulders. Much like “Pilgrim” from the John Bunyan book “Pilgrim’s Progress”. The amazing thing is like the John who penned the book of Revelation, this John was also in prison when he penned his book. 

If these men (and many others) can find joy, hope and trust in prison, we can find trust in our homes.

Today, assume the person’s actions that caused you adversity were from a place of purely good intent. Assume the person is your friend and is looking for the best for you. Assume your actions can be misinterpreted as the other person experiences the fall out of your actions. Remember, only God can rightly see all that is in a person’s heart, but if our default is to assume our closest relationships are people that only want what’s best for us, we will all be happier, live longer and be deeper in love… 

May the Lord our God teach you to trust.

Charlie

TRIGGER WARNING! 

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Imagine it’s November 23rd the Vikes win over the Lions 44-38! Or maybe the 2021 Bucks suffered a come-back of the Celtics? Or a Monday night in 2003 when Indianapolis was at Tampa Bay with just over 5 minutes left and Peyton returned the ball on a 29 yard interception! …

Every Monday Night I would prepare for the game by picking up a case of Michelob Golden Draft, a bag of chips & dip, or cooking a tasty sausage & cheese dip or perhaps a deep fried turkey… I would spend hours in delightful anticipation of this event. I never missed a Monday night football game, or a 7th inning stretch…

or that long awaited Minnesota North Stars hat trick making #14 for my man Dino Ciccarelli!

I could never understand why they would schedule holidays on game days. Why wouldn’t they just move the holidays so we can watch the game without any competitions for my attention?

Or maybe it was different for you? Maybe you stopped off at the bar after work to unwind and have a beer after driving your garbage truck through the alleys of Minneapolis only to realize… that beer lasted 8 hours…

Maybe you just wanted peace, calm, rest… maybe your mind was racing so fast and the world had expectations you could never achieve, make more money, complete a DIY project, fix the things your kids broke today, mow that lawn and don’t forget, it’s Christmas day tomorrow… Tomorrow? Game day? Wow, that week went fast..

Years later I asked myself a simple question: “What is your favorite memory of growing up?” the answer may surprise you… It didn’t involve any millionaire sports hero, it didn’t involve my favorite sports announcer and it certainly wasn’t watching public dollars getting poured into reinflation of a dome. If I had to pick just one memory that I can look back on and say “that memory, right there!” I would have to say it was probably climbing the old red maple tree in our backyard,

hiding from the hell I knew as reality… It was one of the few places in my life that no one could get to me, I always climbed higher and became more invisible in the big red leaves and strength of the diagonal branches.

It’s kind of ironic that I worked so hard to be unseen. It didn’t matter if I was home or at school, I drew the undesired attention of those who sought to hurt me. You can only stay out of the spotlight when you have no value… value? Yes, value! To those that bully you because you make an easy target. To those that exploit you because  you are productive. To those that profit from you because your brain works faster at troubleshooting. Literally, anything including “tearing you down because they are trying to puff up themselves”. I had a lot of “value” over my life, just not the way I would have liked to be valued. So how does this tie into sports?

If you are a sports fan, you may want to stop reading this post now and wait for my next post as you may never want to talk to me again, if you continue to read.

2005, “Love boat, sex party” on Lake Minnetonka, seventeen Vikings… in plain sight of minors.

2001 Moss pushes meter maid with car.

COUNTLESS DWI’s

Drugs, Felony Drugs, even selling drugs!

2000-2013 the MN Vikings tied a new record with the Bengals for the top number of NFL players to be arrested… hitting 40

MLB collusion scandals to restrain players salaries.

Cocaine.

Steroids.

Biogenesis scandal.

“Sign stealing” (just another way of cheating)

1994-95 strike because a million dollars isn’t enough…

2018 IIHF World Junior Championship. Ends with  5 players arrested for SA

New York Rangers felony drug possession of crack cocaine.

The list goes on for what seems forever, with high end lawyers buying down charges and turning felonies into misdemeanors for the high value players. Excuses like “You just don’t know the stress these players are under” or “Well, Boys will be Boys, But they sure play a good game…”

I’m not here to say stop watching the game, I certainly understand there are excellent players that love the game and can be good mentors. I’m not here to “FLIP” your opinion… I just wanted to say, I believe there are better venues to find mentors for our future men in this world than to look at professional sports where “self exaltation” is demanded and “glory to self” is highly sought after.

I turned my back on sports many years ago. I have been insulted and called many cruel names by my “Friends” for not watching sports. Family inferring I am not much of a man because I don’t watch sports… I have heard it all… one of my favorites “Stop being such a prude! It’s just a fun game for entertainment”  

Well, It may be just a game, but it may be a bigger problem? I have seen families skip church all summer so as to not miss the baseball game in town. I have seen Men destroy their families because Monday night football with the guys is more important than that night of sledding with the kids. I have seen wives cry over the decision to watch the world series rather than spend their anniversary focusing on the marriage. I have witnessed so much pain, caused by men when they put “PRO-SPORTS” first. 

Here are a few things you should NEVER hear, but I would not be surprised if I did: 

On the way to an open heart surgery: “We need to hurry, the game is starting in a few hours!”

On the death bed: “Ohh how I wish I had spent less time with my grandkids so I could see more games”

“If only I hadn’t wasted my time helping my children, I could have been holding a beer and watching the game!”

“I think watching a bunch of criminals toss a pig skin is more valuable to me than living a decent life of helping the less fortunate overcome life challenges”

I’m not trying to paint a picture of only the “bad”, but I do want to put into perspective the value of sports in life, I am certainly not trying to insult or belittle anyone… I only want to pen my reasons for my radical change in life, how I came to this conclusion and to turn my back on sports…

I personally would rather spend time with those I love and those who need help rather than watch a game that will be forgotten and has no future value. But maybe I am the odd duck out.

  • A survey of 370 American men and women found that the most common regrets were related to relationships with people in their lives. 

Surprised? I couldn’t find anyone say they regret spending time with family and not watching sports…

I don’t think anyone has ever said, “I wish I had watched more millionaires complain about how they deserve more money.” or “I wish I had watched more games that have no value in life aside from making rich people richer and poor people drink more beer!”

So, now that you have my opinion as to why I stopped watching the game & why I don’t think the game should be so highly valued in men’s lives, I leave you with one more thought…

Have you ever jumped up and shown excitement over that touchdown? 

Have you ever been disappointed with the Twins at the end of the world series?

Do you think those things are more important than your salvation? Your kids’ salvation? Or even a stranger’s last meal? Is the game really something to invest more emotional energy into than the fact that God has provided a way to live, with Him, for eternity?

 Don’t get me wrong, I’m not saying to not “watch” the game today, I’m only saying…. It’s not the most important thing happening today… pick up that phone and call that person that only wants to be remembered, that person that is sitting in the living room and wonders if anyone cares…

maybe, just maybe, go watch the game with them, and let them know how important they actually are.

Take that game in! Keep an eternal perspective! Don’t put the game first, put the people in your life first and the game in its rightful place. 

Serving with Joy, Charlie.

Humiliated, Humbled or Humble

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In our society the word “humbled” often means putting someone in their place: Ex. “I sure humbled Jack! I showed him his place in life!” I don’t know if this is the best way to win folks over to your side, by “putting them in their place”. I think there are better ways, but I also understand “There is a time for every purpose, under heaven!” (I can hear the tune, can you). I have done this so many times in my life, putting them in their place feels good, for a minute. To be honest, sometimes it’s the only thing left in some situations. I usually reserve this approach to the defense of others. 

Is it ok to “call out” a person for treating another person in a less than Christian manner? I think it is not just ok, I see it as our duty in life as a Christian. I think the Bible is very clear that we should not back off of this! Approaching it with love, kindness and understanding… but never “not address injustice”.

Or maybe you are more like Moses?

Humbling yourself before the Lord? In other words, knowing  the truth of where you actually fit into the narrative? I think we all like the idea of knowing the truth of where we actually fit in hierarchies and social orders. We may not like it or maybe we won’t even accept it, we may strive to change it or we just sit back and whine a bit… but I do think we should find comfort in truth, even uncomfortable truth.

Well, yesterday I sat down in the hallway at Sam’S Place… I just sat down and felt the need to pray, not for anything, not about anything but just sit down and say “THANK YOU GOD”. thank you for all the hands that help, thank you for the purpose in life, thank you for everything you are accomplishing here, thank you for the volunteers, donations and help.

I realize that God is ultimately the one driving the bus, and I realize I am given the job of tour guide. I realize that everyone on the bus sees me standing in front and giving the speech of where we are and describing the scene outside… But I can’t control where the bus goes. Or how fast we are going. Or even the bumps, lanes and hills… All I can do is pay attention to where we are and do my best to translate the scene to those that are taking the tour with us. 

So, back to the hallway, I sat down, remembered the tour… the volunteers that painted, the skilled labor, the unskilled labor… THE DREAMS WE HAVE vs THE REALITY WE GET! As I sat there, my friend Wayne approached from the stairway behind me, placed his hand on my shoulder, just knowing people care is enough to sustain me and give me hope. I know God is ever present in this project. Is that what humility feels like? Making me well up inside with the joy that surpasses all understanding? GOD has this. I just need to climb those steps, one more time. 

I felt God’s presence at Sam’s Place yesterday, as I have many days before, but yesterday was somehow different. I couldn’t help but wonder who it was that stopped in their day and prayed for me, but I know somebody had done just that. There was some faith filled prayer warrior out there, praying for me, and I knew it. So I too stopped, and I just said “Thank you”.

I don’t pray often enough, that I know… I also don’t pray that God teaches me “humility” or “patience” or “faith”… perhaps I should? But those prayers are life lessons I try to avoid, I trust God gives me what I need to do his will, so I pray that often. “Teach me your will, Reveal your will and Provide for me the means to carry out your will” I figure, that’s enough for now.

So, for today, I ask you to pray for us to be successful in wrapping up at Sam’s Place, we are very close to opening the first wing, VERY close… but I think the next step may need more prayer than all the days that have led us to this point in time… filling this old building with people to love and care for. 

How do we take the next step? What is the next step?

I am reminded of this verse:

James 1:27 Pure and undefiled religion in the sight of our God and Father is this: to visit orphans and widows in their distress, and to keep oneself unstained by the world.

The way I read this verse is that there are folks that have nobody left (widows) and folks that nobody takes care of (orphans), regardless of age, regardless of social status, regardless of ability… to “visit” them doesn’t mean to go to where they live and have them cook dinner for me… it means to cloth them, feed them, give them a home, To LOVE your your neighbor as yourself… to give and provide…….. “ I was hungry and you gave me something to eat, I was thirsty and you gave me something to drink, I was a stranger and you invited me in, I needed clothes and you clothed me, I was sick and you looked after me, I was in prison and you came to visit me.”

The humble heart is a thing of beauty.

Merry Christmas, Charlie.