Living Hazzardously

Little pieces of our journey with Jesus

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All the toils under the sun

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So, it’s Sunday again and I have missed writing so much. I hope you too have missed reading my words, you truly are appreciated. We have been traveling and I don’t have my laptop working right now.

Jess and I took a needed trip out to Wyoming to visit our sweet grand, she is doing great and Miranda is glowing with the new baby due this fall… We never saw Alex as he was in Portugal. Sorry son, but we got to see Sophia, so we are happy now. Jacob and Abigail stopped in as they were home hunting in the Denver area but that too was a short visit as they buzzed back and forth, they are busy planning for July 20, marriage day… Wait, MARRIAGE? But he is our baby boy dressed up in the costumes of lions and sitting on carnival rides, is he too young? Nope, I blinked and now he is a man… sadness starts to drift across my aging face, as our youngest abandons Jess and I for his new “adulting” life. 

I had the honor of filling in for a pastor in Bigfork while he took the day off, I presented Sam’s Place to the congregation and I talked about the “Good Samaritan”, I think it went great and it felt so wonderful to preach again, it’s been so many years since my last opportunity. Then another missed blog post was when Jess and I presented Sam’s Place to another Bigfork congregation, together we did eight minutes but alone I did 25 minutes. We are always looking for more opportunities to present our mission in churches. Thank you Lord for the opportunity so far. If you know a church that would allow me to deliver this message, I would be honored to visit (even if its across country, I love road trips).

The balance of rest and work has become a larger part of my life as I continue to struggle with the never ceasing pain riddling this broken and aging body. Too much work? I shut down with pain… Too much rest? I shut down with pain. This is what it is like in my lonely struggle with this fibro? When Jess and I cuddle on the couch and she leans against my ribs, it is like laying on rocks, large rocks that press in on every point, causing so much pain that you literally can not relax, the pain increases on every point of pressure, and it’s not even a hard pressure, sometimes it’s the light touch of her hand that can cause me pain… I take it as long as I can but eventually, I do need to move. Sometimes just crossing my legs at the calf is pain invoking and I can only sit still for about ten minutes before reposition. Sitting in church on a cushioned seat takes about 15 minutes before the pain exceeds the threshold. Too much walking is better than too much standing. Every part of my body hurts most of the time, a balance of movement and rest is all I can do to manage this situation.

I remember back when it all started, it was mostly in my back, I knew so little and had no idea why I was in severe pain and the pain always increased with less movement. I was taking 8-12 200mg tablets of Ibuprofen a day and eventually even that stopped helping. So I started looking deeper, looking at diet, exercise, rest, reading, reading and more reading. As I started honing in on the symptoms, I discovered a thing called “Fibromyalgia” and reading about this, I started to understand, started to determine the reason for my pain and found I am a classical case of Fibro. 

Summer hits and I start to sweat, profusely! I don’t like summer, I don’t like the heat, I like cold and people “hate on me” for that. But I can promise you this, If you live with my condition, 50 degrees outside would start sounding perfect…. And direct sunlight would become your enemy and the least desired location for eating dinner would be that patio she loves so much…  patios with no roofs make me cringe. 

My research has pointed to “childhood trauma” and seems to be the number one contributor. My story of childhood is a sad and long tale. I still have a hard time traveling down the annals of history to revisit. A childhood of physical abuse, sexual abuse, paternal rejection, maternal substance abuse and so much more. My younger brother and I lived a life no child should have been exposed to… I don’t want a pity party, But this is a hell of a way to live. My younger brother and I pretty much got the shaft, and we never even realized it. Products of GEN-X means we were told to get out of the house at practically day break and not show up again until the street lights came on. Snowball fights that left ice chuck divots on our heads, pine cone fights that knocked out my tooth, and bike jumps on banana seat bikes that were never tall enough until you could clear the grand canyon with a 5’ approach ramp. This was all normal stuff and we never questioned where we could get lunch… There was always a friend’s house that had no parents home during lunch hour, water was always readily available out of any neighborhood garden hose, except for the old lady Gladys, She didn’t appreciate our front porch gifts and ding-dong-ditch-it.

Back to fibro, PTSD is a real thing for me and manifests as fibro today. There is no cure as it seems to be an autoimmune response to the developmental years creating a self defense response to trauma… Trauma? It’s such a long list that folks start to doubt the validity of my historical claims. I may share in this blog one day, but probably just in a memoir someday. It’s taken so many years to heal that I still have a hard time reliving all my “Mr Jones events” to get me to this point in my life. A scared little boy, frozen in time, that’s how I feel.  

Fibro today dictates my daily activity, most days it looks like this: I can work hard but need to take a break mid day or I will be shot by 2pm, a situation that can take up to two days of recovery, but If I take a break, I am usually good for at least 5-6 pm. It’s no secret I like to work, God has given me the unique skill set that lets me accomplish a lot of tasks, If I don’t stay active every day, I will become riddled with even more pain, that pain from not staying active is far worse than overworking, so it’s a balance everyday, even on vacations, I need to work somehow… Beach vacations are an absolute nightmare for me… sun, warmth and sitting… I would rather do anything else than sit in the sun, including mucking the cow barn alone on my hands and knees. . but there is a road of hope ahead

The book of Eccleseastes saved my life years ago with the wisdom written on those pages, yes, I mean it literally saved my life.  Today that amazing book guides my thoughts and actions so much.. All a man’s labor under the sun is futility without GOD… but the balance of work and rest is so vital “a single hand filled with rest is better than all the accomplishments of two hands put together”

So the important thing here is to respect work and not forsake rest, to love creation and reflect on God all day. I would encourage you to read through this book of wisdom and truly ask God to reveal his goodness to your heart. 

“How long before I can move in?”

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We are asked from time to time, “how long before I can move in?” or move back in? This place sounds like the place I want to live! Sam’s Place is coming along, slowly! Some stories about those who have lived here in the past are pretty horrible, the water leaks… the food… we hope to do better and ask for your help to do this…

It has been a good but long week, as I struggle to find enough time, I plead my case for help. We finally got our electricity back on and I have resolved many roof leaks, still have one to go before I start the next phase of roof repairs” . It is actually just managing the conditions and starting a standard of upkeep, unfortunately, we are just going to patch things together this year.

Jess is working hard to establish a 501c3. but taking “food handling” classes and taking tests and licensing and calls and administration for Spring Lake Heating and answering the work phone and being a mother and being a wife and looking gorgeous (she really doesn’t have to work hard for that last one) …

Al is excited to have his Basketball tourney… and in his words… “That’s all that matters, right Charlie?”

Things are going well, although a bit slower than we had hoped, our goal is to get partially occupied by mid to late fall of this year. Jess and I are taking a very overdue trip to see our baby granddaughter, this week. We can’t take Al as it’s just too stressful for him more than once every couple years and even then, he doesn’t really enjoy driving across the country and flying is not an option with Al, In fact, boating on our pontoon is too much movement for him as well… All things We are working on but it takes years of conditioning, it takes a lot of time!

Our Piggies are growing so fast and when I return, they will be moved into the summer forage area from the starter pen. The broiler chickens are feathered out so they can move into the summer tractor today! The Guinee’s are disappearing one by one, no trace but seems to be at night. We haven’t a clue but I am starting to think it has to be that owl is back, silent, deadly, no trace!

We have been filling our dumpster to the brim and I am certain we have become our garbage man’s least favorite stop on Fridays… but we got to clean out the trash, and so we keep filling it up…

So anyway, today is a short read, but let me tell you this… I REALLY APPRECIATE YOU ALL!! The time you take to read our blog means more than you know, the support we have seen in this chapter is so motivating, but even so, it’s a daunting task.

It’s not what you take with you when you leave this world, it’s what you leave behind… What’s your legacy?

Charlie and Jess Hazzard

What a beautiful mess

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What a beautiful mess! I know this is a huge undertaking and I know how disciplined I will need to stay in order to accomplish what needs to be done. Or at least I think I do… 

So far, I have moved all the beds, chairs, dressers, lamps & old tv sets out of the first wing… The first wing is now empty of furniture! The previous era has come to an end and the new is beginning. I have discovered that no mask can truly combat Carpet soaked in cat pee, ohh how I despise cat pee.

This week I have been working on emptying all the rooms and getting things ready for paint, disconnecting the old boilers so I can pressure test the radiators. Good news, they held pressure for two days straight. Now I can start planning the new heating plant, prepping rooms for paint, floor repairs and cleaning, cleaning, cleaning…  I have some trim to replace and floors to seal, holes to patch and cracks to cure. I may move them old cast iron radiators into the hall to get the rooms ready for painting and flooring, shouldn’t be too bad as each one has unions. 

We are on the hunt for an economical vinyl plank (or something) to just cover the floor. If the floors last 5 years? Fantastic! If not? We will address that in the future, today is all about “price”. I have always been a “value shopper” and never have I been a “price hunter” … it’s oddly strange and goes against my natural desire. The best value is my normal… never just the bottom line. Being a small business owner, I understand value. Every so often I get a customer that is a “price hunter”. When price is all that matters, it’s hard to sell value.

I thought a short history lesson may be fun. I sat down this morning and studied the abstract, just to get a decent feel for what has gone on in the past. 

This is a story of a piece of land in Northern Itasca County… In the beginning the land was filled with rich large PINE timber

In the year 1906 the land was deeded from the United States to Ed Shultis, in 1908 it became the third addition to the village of Bigfork. Around 1912 an easement was established by Minneapolis and Rainy railroad; this is now the foot bridge crossing the river near the north end of town, don’t get it mistaken with the old railroad trestle. 

In 1938-41 The cornerstone was set for a rural Hospital. The first doctor was hired, his name was Dr Bender (I’m not sure if he practiced Chiropractics or not). North Itasca Hospital Association opened what is possibly the first rural hospital in Minnesota; we are still trying to “verify” this.

In 1957 an addition was made off the east side of the building, adding 4 beds, a Dr office, a Dentist office & a kitchen.

In 1965 the new hospital opened, and this hospital was closed. The building was then sold to Leisure Hills Inc. For many years the building was operated as a retirement facility which is extremely surprising as there is no elevator, chair lift or ramp to get into the lower level for dinner.  

From 1981-2024 the building had at least three new owners and was named “Riverside Residence”. The old building sat there year after year waiting for someone to come along and love it back to health, the electrical just kept getting older, the roofing just leaked more, and the carpet just absorbed more cat pee. Windows would give into the constant nagging winters and lack of paint would allow the water to take away the only barrier between the Minnesota cold and the warmth of the cast iron radiators that were working overtime. 

Some call it fate, I call it “divine appointment” 

On March 6, 2024, at approximately 2pm, I walked into the building for the first time and met the owner. I noticed a few guys, one I knew as “Coffee Cup Ron” his room was just to the left of the front door, he looked tired and weak as he made his way into his small room and sat down on the bed, I saw him later on my way out again in a “near collapsed state” on one of the nearby chairs. As the owner brought me downstairs to the boiler room, I had observed a few areas of the building that were “interesting”. I stepped past the makeshift double doors into the boiler room, and I gasped at what I saw. There, in the middle of a crowded room sat four boilers, three oil and one propane (the propane boiler isn’t connected to anything) The three boilers that were connected were in an extremely distressed condition, anything but a safe condition and I feared for the residents that had no options but to continue living directly above a virtual time bomb. 

A closer inspection revealed one boiler had an attempted repair using epoxy on a cracked section of the cast iron boiler… epoxy? The owner commented she had a handyman make an attempt at repairing this… I shuddered a bit at that thought. I have seen the destructive power of boilers that were operated improperly, I have seen it and I have the utmost respect for this scenario. I tried to not show fear on my face, but that was hard. In my veins I felt a slight chill as I recounted my qualifications as a chief boiler operator and the responsibility that title holds. 

 The building was dotted with small electric heaters, doors to bathrooms were locked but I could see the sewage leaking out from under the door. The floors were wet more than dry and later I would discover it is in part a sewer back up and in part leaking water lines that had been patched over the years and never actually repaired.

As I revealed the truth about her boilers, the owner broke down into tears.  As I explained, the only way to fix this is a full replacement of the system, she slumped down in despair. It was at that very moment I was completely overwhelmed with the one thought: I knew I needed to go home and talk to Jess; I knew we needed to figure out a way to buy this building, I knew we needed to fix it up, I knew we needed to provide a better home for the guys living there.

I won’t reveal more of that day and the emotions that led to the horrible situation.  I was starting to better understand. It must have been so hard to struggle to keep going every day, thinking about the difficulties she had to deal with, to just to manage this monster of a building, to see how much she cared for the guys living there. This was truly heartwarming. Covid was harder than some may think, covid was a back breaker and she was crushed. 

As time went on, Jess and I both understood it was our mission to lead this building back into a usable condition and so we took God’s lead and jumped in. Jumping into a beautiful mess. But that cat pee is a killer.