Living Hazzardously

Little pieces of our journey with Jesus

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Enlightened? Party of one!

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Cash! Like the man in black, Johnny Cash.

That is my best guess at how he got his name, the “best doggone dog in the north”

When Jess and I first started dating I got a dog named Cash, he was a German Shepherd Dog and he had a few training issues, some of which I was never fully able to resolve, he was over two years old when I got him. Cash was bold, he was not the type of Dog you could just walk up to, he needed time to calm down, but after that he was so sweet and so trustworthy…. The problem was it was on his timetable. I have a very dear friend, a big “tough guy” that loves dogs as well, but he never fully trusted old Cash, even years later.

Al met Cash and immediately cash liked Al. I never had to worry about Cash and Al. They were best buds almost instantly. So this big GSD liked Al? Well, kinda not really actually. Als mannerisms were a language to a Dog that is hard for us humans to understand. The way Al moved and held his hands in relation to his body made Cash lay down and pee every time we went to visit. That’s right, Cash would lay down and pee all over Jess carpet whenever he was around Al… It took me a bit of watching to understand just why my “BIG GSD CASH” would cower and pee with Al but with my “BIG DOG LOVING FRIEND”, Cash would nip and show some level of dominance and aggression. 

There I am, learning about Al and Cash. I have had many dogs and I am pretty good about reading body language, aggression and submission. Al on the other hand did everything “wrong” in showing control, dominance and hierarchy. Al would stand over cash, arms raised and “lunge” back and forth (at least that’s what Cash thought). For Al, this was just his mannerism and Als normal daily stims, but to Cash? Al was the boss, the “alpha”, I watched closely at every interaction, making sure to read the body language of Cash and prepared to jump in and “save” Al from what seems to me to be a very risky behavior. But never once did we see aggression displayed towards Al. Others? OHH YES! Other dogs? DEFINITELY!! (I worked on this for Cashes entire life, and we did resolve nearly all his issues)

As I learned and watched I also discovered a lot about Al and how to interact with Al myself. Al does not react the same as he did back then, I have worked with Al to not approach an unknown dog with hands in the air and lunge back and forth, never put your hands on top of a dogs head you don’t know and NEVER HUG a dog that you don’t know. All the things you are not supposed to do is what Al did with Cash… I think that GSD had a special sense with Al to know he should submit rather than attack. In my opinion, it’s nothing short of watching a miracle.

In my “black and white” world of simple right and wrongs, Al has blurred that defining line and helped me see from a blurry set of glasses that things are so often not what you may have determined to be as they really are…. Enlightened? Party of one!

Our Creator built a way in the minds of dogs to just “know” somethings, well, I suppose I am still learning every day. May God richly bless your day.

AHHH SWEET ROMANCE!!

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AHHH SWEET ROMANCE!!

As we headed into Home Depot for our very first time, Sam tagged in behind us and Jacob walked beside us but Al blasted the path and was super excited with all the lights and Christmas decorations. The year was 2014 and I was just learning the nuances of this family dynamic. It only took me about two or maybe three trips with Al to discover my massive mistake that day, a mistake I see happen over and over again as people meet Al the first time. 

As we started about the store for a simple trip, or so I thought, I sensed that I had already made a mistake, but I had no clue what or how big it was. You see, I thought I knew how to react to Al and his childish excitement he displayed at the lights. Jess had already started the “regulation” process with Al, but I was just so happy that Al was excited to be out that I perpetuated the excitement, just a little. What I didn’t know was why and how…. Like so many others when they meet Al, they see him as a happy, sweet and kind person with great manners, which is all true but with a huge “but” attached to that statement…. Al does not self-regulate, he amps up and if left unchecked, the obsessive side takes over without notice and he becomes quickly “out of control.”

What do I mean out of control? We see him at church, and he is always so sweet and kind and respectful! What you may not see is lying in wait just under the careful desire he has to show respect, it can turn in a moment and the next thing you know, we are swiftly exiting the church without saying goodbye to anyone. Jess told me once “You just don’t know how many times I have had to leave somewhere because Al was out of control, we would just drive to a park or somewhere that the police wouldn’t get called on us and Al would be screaming and smashing stuff, a couple times I had to call the police or bring him to the police station!”

It may seem like he is simply a sweet young man that is so kindhearted, but the truth is, he cannot control his thoughts alone, he needs constant oversight, redirection and reminders to keep him safe and rational. To be honest, I was not prepared to be a stepdad to Al, he is so much more than I thought I was signing up for! I can honestly say I do not regret being his stepdad. Even after being insulted, punched and kicked… he is still my boy, and I love him.

And why did I title this post sweet romance? Simple, it’s not romance that blinded me of the role I was taking on, it wasn’t Jesse’s pure heart and loving smile… it wasn’t romance that kept me involved…. It was God giving me a new heart, a new reason in life, a “repurposing” if you will. Although Jess certainly played a role, and we are still very romantic, that’s all great but if that’s all it was? I can now honestly admit I would have turned tail and run for the hills like any other sane single man these days. I was “twitterpated”, sure, but it was going to take more than that! God gave me a new life, a second chance, a new beginning… so that makes three times I have been “born”, I guess. 

The days are long, but the years are short. 

Please follow this post as I detail how I became the stepdad to Al and Sam

The day I got a scar so big that I wept.

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The day I got a scar so big that I wept. 

 There comes a day in a man’s life when he takes a look at the “fork in the road”, mine is from a few years ago. Maybe it was the wrong fork? I don’t think so! … The fork in the road for me led me to this very day. I could live regretful and feel sorry, or I can look at it as a painful opportunity that led me to a prosperous life…  The reality is twofold… 

1st: The fork in my road was not a choice, it was a closed road in one direction and a rocky path in the other direction. 

2nd: Prosperity takes many forms, this form is Autism..

It’s no secret my divorce was a grueling and terrible experience, it truly does defeat a man in short order. BUT… it also brought me a new life. It’s not something I “wanted”, it’s not something I was seeking out and it’s certainly not something I would want for one of my boys. But there it is, the boys and I became scar covered and battered. Yet we dug in and overcame… I tell them “It’s just what Hazzards do!”

I did my best in those trying times, we gave up cable tv, we had no options for broadcast tv. I maintained an internet connection for the boys to help them with schoolwork. We ate rice and beans more times than I can count! We asked the county for help with food, to no avail. We didn’t “qualify” because we didn’t have disconnect notices for gas, electric or water. I was doing what I needed to do to meet the financial demands of those days, that means… rice and beans. It’s what Hazzards do, we survive.

My loyal dog never went hungry either, I just worked harder and longer. When the boys were away to visit their mother every other weekend, I would work, go for bike rides, walk the town and do whatever I could to stay sane… me and the boys did everything together, all the time… to be apart for even a few hours was a challenge, weekends were “our times”… camping, exploring, doing, building and everything, we lived for the days we didn’t go to school or work..

What does this have to do with Autism? Well, the good Lord was preparing my three sons and myself for a future challenge, a challenge we knew nothing about. And so, our stubbornness was at its apex, and it was found to be insufficient. I had finally learned how to live in the hope that God provides. Because I had nothing left, I was finally broken, not defeated, just fully dependent on my God, after all, HE is bigger than my problems. 

Fast forward to the summer or maybe the fall of 2014, I happened to be at church choir practice at the same time as the “catalyst” to my new life was also there, her name is Jessica. She too had a life of difficult years and together we became a force to be reckoned with! That was 2015. The start to a story I was not anticipating. A life that makes me question everything I have done and everything I plan to do.

Over the next few weeks, I hope to blog about what it’s like to become a stepfather to a son with autism. I hope to share our challenges and victories as well as sharing in our defeats. I want to share this in a way that is respectful and honest. I want to share this with all the emotions we have had, but not go too crazy. I want to share the scars and defeats as well as the major victories and the little wins. 

We hope this Blog finds you well today, LIvinghazzardously.