Living Hazzardously

Little pieces of our journey with Jesus

Pages

Grand babies, Gods gift to us…

by Leave a Comment

In memory of all the grandparents taht have gone on before us:

Jess and I made a quick trip to the cities yesterday, we saw our son, his wife and the sweetest little grand daughter… on the way home I was able to connect with my brother and we had a spot of dinner together… That’s what I call a great day… Family!

Why do we feel this deep connection with a person we only met 6 months ago? How can my heart melt so quickly for a little girl whom I have seen so few times? 

I think it must be the gift that God gives his children, GRANPARENTHOOD. How can we understand God’s love for us if we never become grandparents? How can we truly understand God’s love for us? Well, obviously… WE CANT… But through becoming a grandparent, we can start to understand.

I believe there is a type of love that is even deeper, the love that God feels for us!

What did this little girl do to earn my love? What will she become that can make me love her more? That answer is clear… NOTHING! But can she grow up and turn away from Grandpa? The answer to that is painfully yes… I hope to never experience that but I also know it can and does happen, sometimes it’s our fault, and sometimes not. With our relationship with God,  it’s never God’s fault, only our own.

Grandpa cant fully understand the Love of God… And even though Grandpa can’t fully understand, he can get an idea of what that love is really like.  Now, let’s put that into play:

God loves us so much that he promised to buy us a pony… no wait, sorry, that’s me as a grandpa… God loved us so much that he sacrificed himself to remedy our rejection of himself. That we may have an eternal gift that we could not earn, we can not maintain, and we can not destroy. Its an indestructable Gift, a gift we can reject.

My love for my granddaughter is something I can’t explain. In fact, I have that love for 4 little people. I can’t describe it in a reasonable way but I can tell you it is nothing in comparison to the love of God for his children.

Today is the first day of the rest of your life, it’s a good day to meet God and see how much he loves you. 

The sun is strong in the western sky at night, before the cold and dark sets in and chillls our bones. But today the sun rose in the east marking a beautiful new day that we can come to the Lord our God and say… Here I am God, please show me the sunrise as a reminder of your goodness and let me get to know you today. 

Feeling blessed to have these wonderful grands in our life, C.

Bits and Pieces

by Leave a Comment

Its no secret that I deal with a great deal of childhood trauma. Although I was formed in a life of trauma, trauma doesnt defining who I have become. Nowadays, I try to recognize how I may help others. Others that have had the same or similar type of experiences… I try to meet them on the journey of life, so that we may both find success in spite of our pasts. 

It seems like every so often I am reminded of a memory of yet another “something” I endured as a child. This weeks memory was… Looking back on the days of living in a rat infested home on the Northside of Minneapolis… some of the ways my father “euthanized” these creatures… I had blocked it out for years, but it came back to me the other day, the smell, sights and sounds is not something I want to publish in a public blog, sedistic, cruel and not humane, just torture! Not something I choose to remember but rather an event I wished I had never been around for. 

I talk to my younger brother and talk through the details from time to time, just to remember the details of our troubled past. This helps to clarify it wasn’t just “some kid, making stuff up in his head”…realizing what I had seen, heard, smelled and felt, this is somehow freeing…. And in other ways its damning…. My past what made me who I am but it is not the essence of who I am.

As I sat at Sam’s Place the other day, having a spot of lunch. I was talking to a couple of our guys, one of them triggered this memory from my childhood… Later I confirmed with my brother the experience we had as small boys growing up in the house of horrors… If it had just been rats, I suppose I could have overlooked it easier. But the cats, so many cats and the way he did it… and what he did to my poor little pup, “Tobias winslow the third” (the picture is not my pup, but looks just like him)

A bedlington terrier and poodle mix. I sat for hours with himgrowing up, we just hung out… but I couldn’t take him with in my later teens life of rebellion when I moved into the phase of life called “the couch days”

My pup was a super sweet fella, he was always happy to see me when ever I could get back home, but then there was the last time I came home to be greeted by the fuzzy little guy… I found him blocked into his dog house with a piece of plywood, mom said he had been block in for days, in the summer heat. I  ripped the dog house open to find my pup alive but looking like he should not be living… infections had invaded his skin, he was covered in poo but he was still my buddy, the only “person” that was always happy to see me… I cried. For hours I cried. How could this be that my little gray pup would be treated this way… and I felt the guilt from not being there to protect him from the man that abused or took advantage of every creature in his world. 

This is not where I want to leave the story, there is redemption and  victory. My father was filled with pride, but even he became humble in his last days, as he faced the inevitable call of the timeless outcome…. we must all one day see face to face… Death visited my pup as an act of mercy, I saw the most beautiful creature of my life abused, neglected and it was my fault for not being there when he needed me, my loyal, little, fuzzy grey pup… 

These events have shaped my life, not dictated my path, I may have experienced these events as a child but as a man I can choose to rise above them and see the pain others are in. I want to meet others and let them know its not who they are, it doesnt need to define them… there is victory if you truely want to find it, it just looks different, but it only comes from Jesus. 

So what is my message today?

No more victims, today I only see the victor in you. 

 Its simple…but so difficult. I believe there is Victory in Jesus, not because I choose to have victory but rather I surender my victimhood to Jesus and he nailed it to the cross! So that I may take part in his Victory! You can too. 

Each day, start with being a victor over something, even if its just getting out of bed… GET UP! Feel that? Its victory! Now lets work on making your bed, even if its just putting the bed spread over the messy sheet, you can do it, do it every day and claim that as your victory until its becomes a normal part of life. Maybe a month, or even longer, now take that next step, put the pillow straight. Maybe the sheet is next? Find victory in something, anything! One step at a time, you got this… I believe in you even if you dont. Keep stepping, dont give up! So what, you didnt succeed at your goal today, but what did you succeeed in dong? Lets focus on that instead! There you go, step up tomorrow. Keep going, even if its something small, be intentional, DO IT!

This my friend is how you can beat it, with Jesus all things are not just possible, they are worth it. 

God Bless my friend, you got this, C.

A Valentines day Story

by Leave a Comment

It was cloudy that night. The young cowboy with chisled features was in no mood to chat. He just traveled a million miles over the ocean by way of street car. He spent his last penny on a shave and hair cut. The face of this cowboy said it all as he strolled into town for the first time after his heart was broken by the girl of his dreams. He didnt know his life was about to get a lot more complicated, the last hing this old cowpoke needed was to find love, in the town where romance had failed him…

I dug into the history of Valentine’s day a bit while thinking about what I should write about. I found a dark wormhole… I won’t get into the dark sides of this “romantic holiday”. Instead I will do a quick summary and bring it back together in the end with a beautiful true story. 

Valentine’s Day originated: 

  1. Ancient Roman rituals
    1. Lupercalia
    2. Matchmaking
  2. Christian Martyr named Valentine (or Valentinus)
    1. Secret Marriages
    2. The First “Valentine”
    3. Establishment of “Valentines Day” in 5th century, by  Pope Gelasius
  3. Slow Shift to “Romance” in the Middle Ages
    1. Poet Geoffrey Chaucer ca 1382 poem “Parliament of Fowls”, where he described birds choosing their mates on St. Valentine’s Day.
    2.  A ca 1415 poem written by Charles, Duke of Orléans, to his wife while he was imprisoned in the Tower of London.
  4. Modern Global celebration of romance
    1. In the 18th century, friends and lovers in Great Britain exchanged small tokens and handwritten notes. 
    2.  In the 1840s, Esther A. Howland began mass-producing elaborate lace-trimmed cards in the U.S..
  5. Mass Production & Global Industry
    1. Today, over 145 million cards are exchanged annually in the U.S. alone. 
    2. Cupid

But is love romance? Is romance Love? Is romance important? Is love important? Should we care? Is Charlie a helpless romantic or an overanalytical stick in the mud? 

Romance: An intense, emotional & temporary feeling driven by passion, attraction, and ego.  Romance focuses on excitement and fantasies.

Love: A steady, selfless, and lasting commitment. Love focuses on connection, security and relationship.

Romance can exist without love. Love can exist without romance. 

Romance and Love are in many ways linked only because they get confused on where one ends and the other starts. Many times romance can lead to love, but romance can not sustain relationships, the purpose of romance is attraction (or is the purpose of attraction,  romance?)…Either way, it’s the laws of attraction that fuel romance.. but… Love? That’s a mystery… True love is defined as “self sacrificial offering and freely putting another’s needs, above your own needs, to the sole benefit of another”

Self Sacrifice? For another?  Is that even reasonable?… The bible says this: A man must “love” his wife, as Jesus loves the church (the church is the people , not the organization or the building) and GAVE HIMSELF UP FOR her…. So, Love is to give up self to the point of death (as Jesus did), for the sole benefit of another!!! WHAT ABOUT ME?? The Bible also said “Love your neighbor as yourself”.  Doesn’t that mean that self must come first so that I can love my neighbor?? Well, if you love your neighbor as much as you love yourself, doesn’t that mean you should both have the same food? Clothing? Warmth? Vacations? Cars? … Everyone having the same thing is Socialism, right?… No comrade, that’s not socialism. To give what you have to those in need, it’s called love…. Notice the command is not  “Force those that have more than others to give to others until you think it’s fair!” the command is inward, not outward, so this command is to your heart, to my heart, to measure self, not others… 

Ok, enough with this definition stuff, right?!!

Love, the love God gives us is self sacrificial, undeserved, unearned, we can no more deserve this love, nor can anyone do anything to stop God from loving us. God said: we can love because he (Jesus) first loved us… He loved us before we could love Him or others. We did nothing to earn this love, in fact, we have earned rath, punishment & JUSTICE! Because we disobeyed the law of God, Yet he loved us so much, that he gave us a way to be reconciled to Himself for eternity. God Gave his son as “payment” for what we have done, to be punished for our wrong doings. If we try to pay for our own wrong doings, we would spend forever in Hell (Yes, there is a real place called “Hell” and it is for those who reject God, so they can spend eternity exactly where they want, away, apart, separated from GOD”, it’s not beautiful, but God will give you what you want) 

The Story of God’s love for you and me is amazing. Do you know the reason God loves you? It’s easy, he Created you and gave you a reason to live. Do you know God? I hope so, because I know God, and He Loves me personally. He Wants you to know him.

God Bless, C.