Living Hazzardously

Little pieces of our journey with Jesus

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The painful start.

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Many years ago a man and wife along with two daughters showed me care, or maybe I should just call it what it is… they loved me… but why? I was a problem child! Drugs, drinking  and all that comes with being a troubled abused child. The love they showed never left my side and in fact, The love they showed has influenced my every decision, never knowing when they would reappear from my memories and reminding me I am worth loving. 

Today I remember the day I went to visit them in the great north woods at the vacation spot, years away and never talking but I never forgot. The day I stopped was the day I picked up a new puppy in Bemidji, me, my boys and a  new puppy… but no wife, I had entered into a chapter of pain. I remember sitting, and crying as my boys were distracted outside by the same girls from my adolescent neighborhood… it was my first weekend of a new glorious life. Eventually my life would be blessed by my dream girl, Jess. They breathed hope and love back into a lifeless corpse of a man, again, taking from the pot of love that overflowed and dipping a portion of hope from the lifelong experiences of walking in God’s guidance. 

That night… one broken man, three young boys, a guitar and a small white German Shepherd pup quietly wept in a tent. Camping was always our go to for fun, and the small state park south of Deer River now holds a private place in my heart as the beginning of my new life. Ironically, this is near the headwaters of the mighty Mississippi river, two separate journeys, one to the golf of America and the other? well its only a few miles from that vacation spot where I found hope in life, from a couple, a second time. 

Today I remember Dan, as he went to be with the Lord yesterday. I recognize his time, compassion and his quiet hope… his love for his girls and the wife he adored. One hand on the shifter of his van, one hand held a newspaper and a heart that was held by Jesus.

Today your fight is over and you get to meet our creator face to face, your legacy lives on in my life as I give back that which was given to me. Your love and concern for a dirtbag, drunk, pill popping, loser of a boy. Your belief in me has always been a light in my dark hard heart, a light that I can not contain, a light so bright that I need to give it to those who can not appreciate what you did, what God did in your life and what you gave to me. If I had one wish in my short life, it would be to change one boy like me. To help change one life, to help another love God and serve others. 

Rest in peace my mentor and friend. See you soon! Say hi to my sister, mother and all those that are waiting for us to come home.

C.

Success in failure

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As we sat deep in the woods overlooking the ravine, a twig snaps, leaves crunch and out steps the largest buck I have ever seen, It had to score around 350, perfectly balanced and a body that easily hit 290 lbs. The most majestic buck I have ever seen! I coached my son: as we gazed upon the monster… “slowly” I whispered. He slowly raised his shotgun filled with a finely tuned sabot round, dead eye! Can’t miss! Once in a lifetime! Taking Aim, he breathes in, holds for a moment and slowly releases his breath… his first ever White tail is about to drop on the spot. He gently squeezed the trigger, not jerking a bit, steady and true, just like we practiced. And then in an instance, it’s over, I woke up in the comfort of my bed realizing it was a dream. I never had the opportunity to watch my sons succeed in deer hunting, at least not like in my dream. 

Years later I sit and remember the feeling they shared as they all found success in failure. Learning how to fail is a much better lesson than dropping the big one first time out. Failure is by far a better way to learn than success. But sometimes we need a little success to have the motivation to fail. I remember my first time hunting, I was 18, in winter Wisconsin. So many good and bad things about that trip. Rolled a friend’s fathers truck, over drinking and shot a monster 12 point… I still have that mount. Never a day goes by where I don’t see that mount and remember the person I was, and the things I did… Success? Perhaps… Failure? MOST CERTAINLY!!  

I don’t dwell on my mistakes like I used to, after all, that was 40 years ago. I have grown a lot from that fate filled day. I respect people more and I don’t drink or do drugs anymore… Instead, I have turned my life over to doing GOD’S will and not my own… ohh I’m still in there, waiting to screw things up and learn a new or previously learned lesson… there is no end to my failures, but I look at things different now, I can see the hand of God leading me, and when I let go of that hand, I can hear the still calm voice of my Lord say: “Charlie, I am” and once again I reach out to the everlasting Father that has kept me alive to this day. 

My life? HA, I’m on borrowed time! I think back to the movies of a man that gives his life to servanthood because another man saved his life. So now, he gives his life to serving that man in a debt of gratitude.  A debt he can not repay! Debts we can not actually conceive in its fullness. A debt I gladly turn over to serve the one that saved me… and yet, we forget!

Eventually these three boys learned to love hunting and found success on their own timeline, and learned the lessons they needed to learn. Years later Sam and Al joined my family… The only one I never got to share in hunting success was Sam… we went out a few times but I don’t think he was ever truly interested in woodsy stuff. I took Al out hunting porcupines one year. He was successful in how he stood there as I pulled the trigger, no flinching, screaming and no freaking out. I kept him focused on the object and he found success in my pulling the trigger… incase You don’t know, balloon pops are Als biggest phobia, and it’s a major deal to have him out hunting. 

I am thankful God has a use for me. That keeps me motivated! Much like the success he gave me in hunting for the first time. In this, I could teach life lessons to 5 boys, and many more if we count Boy Scouts. I wonder how all my Boys Scouts are doing today, are they successful because of my failures? I sure hope so!!

Have a blessed day today, tomorrow I bring 5 fat hogs into the slaughter house to be processed into food for our family and friends. I STILL HAVE A HOG IF YOU ARE INTERESTED.

God Bless, Charlie.

in-between

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I am sitting here on a calm Saturday morning, it is 5:37 am.  Jess is wiped out and decides she needs a bit more sleep, so she has gone back to bed.  Al isn’t up yet and my three pups are interested in getting morning pets. This morning we will meet with our kids on Zoom, after that I will be headed to Sam’s Place for a work day, there is still plenty to do. I keep telling myself, “just a bit more work”… “Keep going, it will be done very soon”, I bought a pop machine, now I need to learn how that works… 

Have you ever taken on a task that feels like you are pushing a rope up into the floor above you? We never thought filling this building with clients would take so long… Finding the right clients is not an easy task, we know there are perfect clients for Sam’s Place. Slowly we are finding them. It’s slow, and arduous work, Jess is a spectacular director!

Vetting, that’s what it’s called… interviewing humans, asking questions, determining if this Sam’s Place is right for them as well as if they are right for Sam’s Place. We can’t just take everyone! Some folks have walkers, wheelchairs or balance issues… We have stairs, narrow doors and no elevator. We are tasked with determining the correct fit, vetting those who may not be stabilized with their medications. Finding the balance that fits for everyone, finding balance for the client and the clients already living here… as well as future clients… What’s best for them? For us? And for others?  Can we meet the needs based on our environment? Our staffing? Our purpose? 

I’m reminded of the 12 disciples of Jesus, I think about Jesus vetting them… who gets to be let in and who isn’t let in? Did Jesus make a mistake when he let Judas into the group? Should he have done a better job vetting the man who hastfully drew a sword and cut off the servant’s ear? What about the ones Jesus rejected? Are they wanted? Why did Jesus reject some and not others? Are they the Social rejects? You know the ones… they have issues.

What about the ones that are accepted by society? They look good to the community! They are wearing the right clothes. They have normal hair. They don’t cause any concern of tarnishing our reputations…. Not everyone fits everywhere, and that’s ok.

We do background checks, read diagnostic assessments, scan files, review reports and collect release of information forms. We get signatures, make phone calls, explain criteria… 

Maybe if Jesus had just done his due diligence in vetting his disciples, things would not have gotten so messy…  Or would they? You see, people are messy, humans are not perfect, and no vetting procedures are perfect. Jess reminds me “Everyone deserves a chance” and I remind her “We can’t ignore the past”. We do vetting as a team, I think we do pretty good but still can improve a  lot.

Jesus said to forgive as many as 7 times 70, is that a good model for Sam’s Place? Let’s be real, that’s probably not a good idea.

Easter, Good Friday, Maundy Thursday… but today is Saturday, what is Saturday called? Jesus was in the tomb today. Today, the day in between.  I think the disciples were probably confused, trying to understand what just happened and thinking about what the future would bring. Will I be next? Are the priests going to hunt me down as well? Did I do a good job “vetting” my friends? Am I going to remain faithful if I get tortured to the point of death? Even death on a cross? Where should I go? What should I do? Who can I trust?

Are the Faithful that wouldn’t deny Jesus? Are we the faithful? Are we the ones that hold strong, remain diligent? I get it that we need to be careful in our vetting for Sam’s Place, and I believe Jesus did his vetting perfectly. 

So, it’s Saturday, the day “in-the- middle” Like the middle child, forgotten, ignored and not as important… It’s only the day in “between the days” that gets all the attention. The day that holds the other two days in great tension… together and yet apart.

Sam’s Place is also the “middle Child”. It’s the place where folks live that don’t need all the help and attention yet may need more help than nothing, it’s the inbetween land, the land that is forgotten, it’s our calling! Helping others to help themselves, just a little bit.

We are serving an Easter meal at Sam’s Place at 2 pm. We opened it up to the world and invited some folks from the community. We invited anyone that has no place to go. We opened it up to the “in-between” folks. We opened it up to you! 

The joy of Easter should be shared, we hope you join us.