Living Hazzardously

Little pieces of our journey with Jesus

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nobody missed him

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I was reading today about a man named Chase. Chase was not from our area but could easily be one of many folks around your very own neighborhood. He could have been the retired “hermit” in the north woods, the “bum” you saw outside Target today, the woman pushing a stroller that holds all her worldly possessions as she walked along the road, or the grandmother that got scammed for all she had in life. 

Chase was challenged in this world to “fit in” he wasn’t trying to be “odd” he wasn’t trying to be a burden, he wasn’t trying to scare you and he wasn’t trying to “ruin your neighborhood”…  He did get into trouble, he did steal from time to time, he did ask you to help him… He did smell funky, he did look unkept, He did have value. 

Chase died alone, behind a Target store, nobody knew he was dead, nobody missed him. He was discovered days later, by accident. 

This story is all too common, our system is broken, so many “un-homed persons” are given a huge check each month. Spending this check in only a few days, maybe getting a motel room for a night to shower and sleep like royalty. As they slip over to the local homeless shelter to wash clothes for free, get a free meal from the mission or local “community action” group. Eventually, this outcast will head back over to the corner of the county park, set up as a “tent city”… Month after month, year after year until one day, after seeking shelter in a fish house in the back yard of a local person, they quietly die and are discovered days or weeks later as the owner starts setting up his spear house for that big muskie. 

Yes, many times this person will take advantage of everyone. Whether you are trying to help them or just ignore them, so often they will burn every bridge. BUT there is always that one “inconvenient truth”… Our government will pay them to be homeless! That’s right! Living on the streets is much more profitable that taking up residency in a home where people care and love them….

If I can get $1000.00 and get handouts for dinner, free clothes, as many tents and blankets as I want… Or, go to a house and pay $600.00 in rent, that only leaves $400.00 for smokes, food, utilities and “habits”… Loosing all the free stuff? Living in the county park for free, the freedom to go anywhere at anytime, folks buying you a meal at a restaurant you cant  afford…. You might learn pretty fast how to manipulate the world too. 

Don’t get me wrong, every homeless person we encounter that chooses to be on the streets has a counterpart that works to get off the streets…  It’s not a one size fits all equation. 

But the reality is this, it’s a challenge to be homeless, but many would rather be homeless and have the monthly paycheck than to live in a house or apartment and give that paycheck to a landlord. 

I think our government should start attending “co-dependent” counseling and learn a bit about “enabling”. I am no “expert” by any stretch, but the solution is not more money poured into a system that clearly doesn’t work! 

What was the ancient proverb? “Doing the exact same thing over and over and expecting different results each time is the true definition of insanity”?

Sam’s Place is one place that is trying to make a difference. We are not operating on some big budget, In fact it costs Jess and I every month to keep our doors open, yes, I pay to keep it going. One day we know we will reach a net zero, one day we know we will get to the point of making a difference and hopefully we will one day be able to reduce our rent price and meet those folks that “don’t fit into society”… I hope one day read about the Chases of this world, and how a small act of caring and kindness helped them overcome the challenges they face daily and become a vital part of society that gives back to the next person in the line of despair and solitude. 

Not everyone that dies alone behind Target has to be there or should be there! 

A young man that was brilliant, started his masters degree, excelled in mathematics, theoretical math, but struggled to fit into the society around him. A man of 60 plus, another brilliant mind, who lived behind his mothers house in a camper for two years, but never fit into the cookie cutter world we have. Another man who finished his degree with top honors and found himself alone and hearing voices, losing touch with reality, collecting pop cans. A mother who can’t get along with people, not receiving help because she doesn’t exactly fit the bill, she is almost to the point of getting help but doesn’t qualify. The motivated person who did some bad drugs and now lives with the constant looming cloud they may very well one day slip away into a psychosis that never ends. 

We can’t help everyone, and not everyone can be helped by Sam’s Place, but we can help 15, we can help some become stable, independent and some to just be safe and loved. 

Sam’s Place can’t change the entire world, but it can help change the lives of those we serve. Maybe one day, we can help more “brothers and sister” that are ready to come in out of the rain, a retired “man or lady” that is looking to find a home that doesn’t break the bank, a “cousin” that suffers from childhood trauma and needs a safe, secure place to live… At Sam’s Place, we don’t just take the ones that are homeless, outcast and don’t fit in, we take anyone that is looking for a loving home, but they must want to succeed, be safe and live clean. 

God blessed you, if you can read this, God has blessed you. C

The lawn chair that stole me beer

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I just don’t know what year it was but I remember the situation like it was only yesterday. I was sitting in a lawn chair, I don’t remember where, I just remember saying “WHY?”

Rewind to the late 1990’s, I was a garbage man. I was working for an outfit in Eagan MN and living in Anoka MN, a distance of about 40 miles, directly through the heart of the city.

After driving to work at 2 am, I would hop into my 50,000 lbs truck and hurl it through the back alleys and driveways of the Minneapolis and St Paul metro area, reaching speeds of 20 miles per hour past telephone poles that are inches away from the mirrors, stopping and dragging dumpsters out into the alley across snow banks and avoiding racoons and rats on a daily basis… I could tell you hundreds of stories… The prostitute trying to stay warm on a cold winter night. The cat carcass that was obviously served for dinner the night before… So much more… but I am not here to tell the horror stories of hauling trash on the UofM campus where the hot tub party was in full swing as I backed into the dumpster at 4:30 am…. Or ending my day at about 1 pm, just to drive another hour to get home… or maybe not drive home. Maybe I decided to stop off with the guys for a cold beverage… finally heading home at 7pm…

That is not the story I am here to tell you about, I’m here to tell you about the hope I was given in a new life.

I continued this pattern of consuming the “COLD LIBATIONS” well past my garbage days, into my new career of HVAC. Day after day, Night after night…Monday night football means a case of Michelob Golden and snacky foods, a bag of chips, a fresh smoked goose or a deep fried turkey… Some days the boys would be with me and others I went alone, but never would I miss a Monday night football game… I told myself “this is the one night out of seven that’s MINE!

MY NIGHT, truth be told, I was able to not drink most evenings, instead I would fix the house, take the boys camping and still drink every other night I could. I would tell myself “as long as I don’t start drinking alone, I am not a drunk bum or alchy”. I remembered my father, and how every Wednesday night he had his “ONE DAY”. The one day he would turn onto a bike path on the way home down the parkway, or run into every curb with that right front tire, making a miscalculation on every turn….  I never knew I would be like him, drunk one night a week. I wouldn’t know how much I drank and “DIDNT GET DRUNK” until my eyes were opened to the truth. 

The eye opening started one night in Eagan, at a “buddies” house, eating deep fried anything, drinking until it was time to leave as Monday night football concluded for the night. I was living in Ramsey at that point, just a few miles further now. I wasn’t drunk, I just had a few. I was feeling sick, I must have eaten something that didn’t settle. I struggled to see the road as it was moving all over the place on that clear summer evening. As I crossed the river on MN77 (Cedar Ave) I felt the welling up from deep inside, but like the good drunk I had become, slowly and steadily, I overcame the issue, grabbing a jacket to mop up the mess I just made all over the steering wheel, dash board and seat… I GOT THIS MAN!!! 

I sat years later, reflecting on that night, reflecting on my class reunion, reflecting on my wallet…Remeber? I was sitting in the lawn chair, and I asked “WHY?” I sat holding a half downed can of Budweiser, I looked at it and said “WHY”. I set it down, I looked at it, I remembered all the good times I had because of the bottle, can or mixer… never have I had a moment so clear in my life… never touched a drop after that, but the temptation, coercion and manipulations were just starting… The sideways look from the guys you work with when you say “No thanks, I don’t go to bars” like it’s some sort of perverse character flaw. The gal at work that’s flirtatious and asks you out to have drinks at her place… The ex wife that screams “YOU USED TO BE FUN BEFORE YOU QUIT DRINKING”… 

And still, the Lord held my hand stronger and whispered softly… “I won’t stop you, but you have the choice to not drink, to change your life, to be a good father, to be clean”

That last beer was probably around the year 2008, I am only guessing from circumstances I remember in our life. So I’m not exactly positive what year or what date, It wasn’t a date I thought to mark down, record or celebrate like so many other folks can do. To me? I just stopped drinking in a super natural way that can only be credited to the Lord of Lords, King of Kings, the almighty God, creator of heaven and earth, creator of me and you! I take no credit aside from giving up the fight and listening to the “TRUTH”. A small voice that called me out of darkness and into the light. 

I hope my testimony finds you well. I pray you can know the hope I had on that fate filled lawn chair, somewhere in Minnesota when I looked at that can of beer and said one simple word “WHY?”

May God richly bless you on the beautiful Sunday morning. C

Raw and uncensored.

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My life was so often like the pro-wresting matches of the 1980 era, It looked raw, uncensored and spontaneous but in reality, God had me right where he wanted me, learning the lessons of my mistakes and experiencing the troubles I would one day put into use for HIS will.

Every once in a while when I start to write, I decide it might be a bit too raw, too uncensored… I start to write, I stop writing… Some days I write to only myself, my own therapy or maybe to not forget.  I don’t write to feel sorry for myself but I do write to remember the pain I have gotten through, and sometimes I write to help myself process… Other-times I just need to put it on paper (or a screen) to just slow my brain down and see what I am thinking, then I can look and say to myself: yes that was painful or yes, that was who I was…

To truly help another person, I believe you first need to be able to relate to that person, to understand at some level, to have empathy. I believe you first need to be able to feel. I have lived a lot of pain, caused a lot of pain and helped some to get past their pain, but I don’t believe I am done, at least not yet, I have many more people I can help, so onward I push, forward I move, listening to the prompts of God, following his lead. 

One of the most prominent sayings in my life aside from the serenity prayer is: “HURT PEOPLE, HURT PEOPLE” when a person is hurting, they are so much more likely to hurt others, it takes a great deal of wisdom, maturity and life experience to rise above the pain we hold in our lives and close to our hearts so we don’t continue to hurt others. But the real question is how! HOW DO WE GET THERE? Is it from being hurt so much and so deeply that we become numb? Is it from will power to just move past? Is it from the advice of others to, as the Bob Newhart skit said… “Just stop it, or I will bury you alive in a box”

I think it is by the grace of God that we can even start in the direction to help others, we kind of need to surrender, and find purpose and value in our new goal of helping others. Or maybe you are like I was… only interested in myself? I used to think of myself a lot more than I thought of others (and to be honest, I still do), and when I did I usually started to think “Poor me” and anxiety would set in. I have found that when we dedicate ourselves to helping others become better rather than sitting and stewing about our own lives, we become happy. Or at the very least we become less depressed, that’s a good start.

Today I am distracted by other thoughts, thoughts of a new grand baby soon and what I am going to do as I get older and my body keeps telling me I cant continue at this pace any longer, like I used to… I was reminded of that this past week while installing a 4-head Mini-split system…

I was feeding the line through a header, around a corner and up through the floor of the closet, today my arm aches from pushing on one side of the wall, going to the other side and pulling, twisting and sending it through the floor, then getting down off the bucket I’m using as a ladder (a ladder won’t fit into the space I am working) and going up the flight of stairs to straighten out the copper tubing we call a line set, so I can repeat the process again at least 50 times (well maybe only 40). That was done three times with three different line sets, the fourth was much easier…today is my third day of recovery. The two man job, done by one man, is hard on this old man.

I love my job, I have never worked a job I love more than owning an HVAC company, but its hard work, I wish so often I could find a younger man to teach this trade to, but it seems, I am one of many business owners that have given up on trying to teach their trade to… a replacement. It just doesn’t seem worth the bother anymore as most younger guys don’t want to work, earn a living and take pride in a skill… they seem more interested in working for the minimum amount of time, then trying to get unemployment… My apologies for sounding like a disgruntled business owner and perpetuating generational divide, but as a Gen X, well, lets just say, we all seem to be feral. 

Let us not forget our past, or else, we will be doomed to relive it!

One of my biggest missions as Jess and I run Sam’s Place is to provide the guidance that others may need to live the most productive life possible for each person at Sam’s Place. I am certainly not perfect, but I do believe that with the Lord’s hand on my shoulder, we can make a difference for some, just not all. 

Circling back to my writing, I realize that what I write about may seem low, sad and somedays happy and joyfull, but I always want my messages to be filled with hope and not despair. I want my message to you to be one of future success and not one of past failure. I want my message to be filled with expectation of goodness in your life rather than a message of doom because of what you are going through. You see, I believe if God can do for me what he has done and continues to do for me, he can help, save and prosper (for his glory) any and everyone, if we can just learn to help others on our own journey. 

So on this beautiful Sunday morning of pre “labor-day” weekend I hope you find the joy and excitement we feel in our home as we expectantly wait for God’s miraculous hand in our life. 

Matthew 9:35-38

English Standard Version

The Harvest Is Plentiful, the Laborers Few

35 And Jesus went throughout all the cities and villages, teaching in their synagogues and proclaiming the gospel of the kingdom and healing every disease and every affliction. 36 When he saw the crowds, he had compassion for them, because they were harassed and helpless, like sheep without a shepherd. 37 Then he said to his disciples, “The harvest is plentiful, but the laborers are few; 38 therefore pray earnestly to the Lord of the harvest to send out laborers into his harvest.”

Have a blessed week all, C.

PS. If you have not yet had a chance to donate to Jess birthday fundraiser, today would be a good day to do just that. Either on Facebook at Samsplacebf or our website Samsplacenorth.com every dollar donated is matched one for one. We are a 501c3 charity, so all donations are a tax deduction for you.