Living Hazzardously

Little pieces of our journey with Jesus

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The Smile, The Dash

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I remember seeing a photo, probably at the end of the war. A man hanging on the entrance to a train.  Looking at the platform. Another man held a woman in a firm embrace. Her feet in the air. A loving kiss. The man on the train had a genuine smile. The two on the platform reunited. A man and woman, in love. Welcomed home after what had probably been a few years of war overseas. 

Or the picture of a woman running to the waiting arms of a man. A hand made sign hanging outside reads “Welcome home Hector” A small boy close on the heels of his mother, racing to the loving arms of the man that would return home, changed forever, but home at last. A big smile on all three would be recorded forever. 

In times square, faces, faces and more faces all with smiles. 

A petty officer dances on the streets as a nearby gal watches with a joy filled smile. 

The look on a person’s face tells a story that words struggle to convey.  “A picture is worth a thousand words” pops into my head. 

For me? I don’t remember moments that made my generation dance in the streets, kissing a stranger in Times Square, or confetti flung from windows high above the streets as the “world celebrates” a single event.

Instead, I remember: 

Iran-Iraq War, Fall of the Berlin Wall, Tiananmen Square Massacre, AIDS Epidemic, Chernobyl Disaster, Exxon Valdez Oil Spill, Olympics Boycott,  Iran Hostage Crisis, Emergence of disco, Breakup of the Beatles, Elvis Dies, Ted Bundy, Watergate and the end of the Vietnam Conflict. 

That doesn’t mean we didn’t have things that made me smile. I honestly believe there was a better platform for my “boomer” friends. Don’t get me wrong, Boomers had their fair share of hard times… but gen X?  We had “World Hunger” & “AIDS” celebrations. We are the “Forgotten, Latchkey” generation. So what made us smile? Ask any genX about “MTV” and fond memories are almost always the response. Or say the words “Asteroids” and see a bit of a grin start to form. Or ask them what it is about the phrase “gag me with a spoon” Ask them if they knew any “headbangers” or maybe ask them about which of the “brat pack” they most identify with… 

Every generation has something to smile about, some are big events with streets of confetti, some are sneaking cigarettes and watching MTV before your friend’s dad gets home and tells everyone to get outside and not come home until the street lights are on. 

I see the smiles recorded in history on a train platform, in times Square, On a big screen watching the Breakfast Club… and I realized something… all those before us, all those after us and even ourselves, we all have a smile to talk about. We all have a fond memory, of something. We can all share something that was valuable… but, like so many before us, we will all pass into the land of memories. Collected in a shoebox, a hard drive. Maybe a slab of granite in some StPaul suburb, a mothers last effort to preserve that memory engraved into a headstone, forgotten after only a generation or two… a year connected to another year by only a small “dash”… a dash that represents all the smiles of joy, screams of sorrow, groans of discomfort and days of remembering. 

So many years before me, so many years after me, so many memories in my “dash” I want my dash to be one of joy to those I have influenced, I want my dash to be remembered for the next 40 years by anyone I meet as a memory filled with a smile on their face. I will be forgotten one day, one day I will simply be a picture in a shoe box that hears the words “Mommy? Who is this man? Is he my great, great grandpa? He has a nice smile!” 

I pray your legacy outlives your life and that your smile makes another person’s smile just a little bit warmer. 

God Bless, and “Rock on dude”, Charlie

Crawl spaces, everyone has one somewhere

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I was told once that farmers see cows from the “udder-side”, x-ray techs see people from the “in-side” but in my line of work, I see a lot of houses from the “under-side”.

How do we as Christians see people? Do we see the broken days of failed marriages? Or the messes and destruction from bad choices as parents?  Maybe we see the failures caused by years of selfishness and unforgiveness? 

How should we see people? Should we “FORGIVE AND FORGET?” Should we “LOOK FOR THE BRIGHT SIDE”? Or maybe we should look at the world through “ROSE COLORED GLASSES”?

I think Jesus showed us this example very clearly: 

King David was an adulterous murderer.

Mathew was a thief against his own people.

Saul who became Paul was a bureaucratic murderer that used others to kill his opponents.

Moses was slow of speech and humble.

Adam failed in protecting his wife and then threw her under the bus.

The woman at the well was, not a pinnacle of society. 

Jesus never said “live and let live” Jesus never said, “Well, that’s their truth” Jesus never said “lets just agree to disagree” instead he spoke truth though a profit, convicting David… Instead Jesus called the thief out of a tree for dinner. Instead he confronted and asked “why are you persecuting me?” Instead he used a sinner to free his people. Instead he had consequences of being put out of the garden that are in place to this very day. Instead he told her to stop sinning. Jesus judged everyone, calling some “whitewashed tombs filled with dead mans bones”

A donkey talked to the man that was beating him… God used the Donkey to judge this man and for correction. Maybe the next time you think some “donkey” is talking to you and telling you how you need to change…. LISTEN, before he kicks you, in your butt.

I think about this stuff when my body wreaths in pain as I descend a scuttle hole under a house, tools and replacement pump in hand, to provide comfort to those that are struggling that day. How often do we pass by opportunities in our daily jobs, travels and interactions just to say later… “That “person” was so much less human than I am.” Or “That person did “such and such”!” Or we simply just think…. “If they were as good as myself (you fill in your own words here)”

Donkeys are not stubborn, they are cautious, too bad we don’t follow the example of the “donkey” and show some caution when we start forming thoughts of others… We really don’t know the journey they are on. BUT… I also think it’s safe to say… don’t drive 20 under the speed limit until you get to the passing zone and then speed up to 10 over the limit just to slow down at the next no passing zone GRRRRRR (sorry, personal rant there).

This week I was learning a bit about CPTSD and PTSD… PTSD can be caused from a singular event, it can cause nightmares and mess up the daily lives of people, but today I want to mention CPTSD (Complex PTSD). 

From what I understand, so far, CPTSD is a childhood trauma response. Generally caused from betrayal and trust issues that form deep in the early stages of development of a child.. In other words, those that you should be able to trust the most, causing repeated trauma, betrayal and abandonment. This type of PTSD is different in many ways and needs to be dealt with properly, this PTSD causes extreme issues into adulthood… the physical, emotional and spiritual trauma, all linked to trust, betrayal and abandonment. For me, this has manifest in Fibromyalgia, a constant physical pain in every part of my body… It is by far the hardest thing in life for me to manage. Keeping myself busy is the best physical therapy I have found… Antidepressants helped with the pain for a short time, but caused a huge weight gain that seems harder than it should be to regain the BMI of my youth… This condition actually has increased my pain now. 

I guess my point is a parable of the old “Don’t judge a man until you have walked a mile in his shoes” Don’t judge, until… The bible says “do not judge” or does it? The Bible is all about judgment, we have to judge, it’s impossible not to judge… When someone is being abused, we should judge! When someone steals, we should judge! When we decide to turn right vs left…. We judge! We need to judge “rightly” for the right reasons, the right motives, the right purposes… Judging rightly can be difficult, but necessary! 

So, back to crawl spaces. Nobody says “I sure wish I could crawl under that house… I love tight spaces filled with dirt, mice and spiders. I love it when I can hear a raccoon scurry away but it’s too tight to turn and see it charging me… just like with people, sometimes we just need to stop and avoid the worst of crawl spaces because they are just too dark, too dirty and too dangerous. Sometimes we just need to help those that were forced into that crawl space, lend a hand, provide light, or just let them know we are there and there is still a way out… 

I have been in every type of crawl space, steam tunnels with rats, wet trenches by lakes, hand digging a place for ductwork to fit… I’ve been dirty with asbestos, dust and sand, every crack and crevice of my clothing filled, eyes covered with spider webs and once I got face to face with a snake.

Crawl spaces are like people, the one place nobody wants to see, because it reveals the worst places in life. Its not fun to go there but sometimes it’s just unavoidable. 

My Prayer for you today is that God, the ultimate mechanic, can enter your dirtiest crawlspace, clean it up and make it a glorious space to actually visit and work. Charlie

 “JUDGE RIGHTLY”

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My wife is the greatest gift I have ever had, but even she comes with “struggles”… I know I am perfect and bring her no grief, struggles or frustrations… I am perfect! Or am I blind?

I have had my struggles in life and some folks may still refer to me as a struggle for them (what? me??). Why does it seem the most demanding relationships are the ones we value the most? The hardest  relationships are the ones we seem to never give up on.. and never quit?

I noticed many years ago that we all have a tendency to view our actions from a perspective of our own intent, yet we seem to view others’ intent by their actions… What does this look like played out in a relationship? Let’s dive into this frustration today, head long and eyes wide shut.

Today we are going to name our characters Jim and Jane. 

Jim walks in and declares “Can someone please stop putting the dogs outside every time I need to get something done? Can’t you just watch them for a minute?”

Jim is assuming the dogs are put outside (Jane’s action) to make Jane’s life easier (Jane’s intent)…  

Jane puts the dogs outside (Jane’s action) to watch how the dogs love to be with Jim during the chores (Jane’s intent)… 

Jim judged her intent from her action.

Jane judged her actions on her intent.

We can easily switch everything, Names, scenarios, intents and actions… But what do we see? The person making the actions will nearly always measure the outcome by intent and the person experiencing the others actions will nearly always measure intent of the actions based on how they experience the actions… How do we come to a common ground? How do we “JUDGE RIGHTLY”

It’s even more complicated when we experience things multiple times, and see common outcomes based on our preconceptions. Is one better than the other? Maybe.. Maybe not… the important thing for Jim is to try to see it from her perspective and remembering that Jane is not his enemy… or maybe she is his enemy and she is not a faithful partner? Do we always give the benefit of the doubt? Should we assume the worst? Should we not care? 

All these outcomes are hard to navigate, and harder to discern! I used to trust everyone, But my naivete has caught up to my reality and I am now a person that doesn’t trust others until they prove otherwise. There was a long time I believed the opposite, I believed that if somebody wasn’t happy in a situation, they would go talk to the other person and “clear the air”. 

When I married Jess in 2015, I was a person of total distrust, I trusted nobody and never gave people a chance to prove otherwise… she has melted that cold hard heart. Now with God & Jess’s help, I can trust again…

I think about the journey I have been on and How God has sustained me, and how I have turned my back on God many times to trust myself rather than trusting in God…. What a long road.

I have found God is able to rightly judge me, my actions, my intent and that of others in my life. This has lifted a great burden from my shoulders. Much like “Pilgrim” from the John Bunyan book “Pilgrim’s Progress”. The amazing thing is like the John who penned the book of Revelation, this John was also in prison when he penned his book. 

If these men (and many others) can find joy, hope and trust in prison, we can find trust in our homes.

Today, assume the person’s actions that caused you adversity were from a place of purely good intent. Assume the person is your friend and is looking for the best for you. Assume your actions can be misinterpreted as the other person experiences the fall out of your actions. Remember, only God can rightly see all that is in a person’s heart, but if our default is to assume our closest relationships are people that only want what’s best for us, we will all be happier, live longer and be deeper in love… 

May the Lord our God teach you to trust.

Charlie