Living Hazzardously

Little pieces of our journey with Jesus

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Gravel in a bucket

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This morning after breakfast, Jess looks at me with her peaceful eyes and asks, “Can you roll your shoulders like this?” as she rolls her shoulders, I mimicked her motions with a simple “Yup, sure can!” then she asked “When you do it, does it make any popping?” I just looked at her and giggled “Oh I wish it was just popping, for me its like gravel shaken in a bucket”

I have more work than I can get accomplished up here, I haven’t been able to catch up for months and I still can’t seem to get to regular check-ups on furnaces… this week? Same old thing, calling customers and telling them “Thank you for being patient, but I won’t be able to get to you this week, again…”

I had a Dr appointment this past Friday, after a long week of working, and I knew what I would hear… “Yup, you still need a knee replacement” to which I say, “Is there anything we can do to delay the inevitable?” With Jess by my side we decided to move forward on “the sandwich” as he put it… an injection of steroids followed by chicken gel and then another steroid injection… 

As we talked, we discussed what the future will bring and why I should have never had the previous two knee scopes, and how those scopes have destroyed my knee. We talked about how long I will be unable to perform my work and what the future will hold for us. And as a “one man shop” how I need to find help that doesn’t really exist in the north woods… Getting a knee replacement now would pretty much end Spring Lake Heating and Air, as I would be laid up for 6 months, and perhaps a year before I can do my job in a half way decent manner…Maybe even longer before I can not crawl around on my knees. 

When I hit 40, my eyes no longer worked as I thought they should, but I adapted with the use of modern technology called the “magnifier app” on my phone. At 45, I noticed my shoulders started to ache when I used the 36’ pipe wrenches. At 50 I had a big party, and could no longer bend down to tie my shoes. At 51 I noticed I needed to use my arms to stand up from kneeling… At 52, 53, 54, 55, 56, 57… THE SCOPE… 2 knee operations and carpel tunnel surgery on both hands. 58? well that’s today, I’m hoping to hit 60 before a knee replacement and praying I don’t destroy my other knee from overuse… life is funny, or is it hard?

So on my hunt for the right younger man to mentor into HVAC begins. I’ve learned so much as I was just another “tool” for corporate America. I know how to not destroy my body from overuse, I know corporate America only cares about what you can give them and I’ve learned that family needs to be valued more in our culture. But I have also learned that the work ethics of the GEN-X have indeed been replaced, the new focus seems to be on “self” rather than serving… serving family, serving spouse, serving children, serving those in need. I don’t want to bang the gong of “the new generation is so much worse than my generation” but on the flip side, the new generations generally don’t seem to have that same self motivation to accomplish whatever it takes to be a success… maybe I am misguided and wrong?

So where does this leave me? What was my point? Well, I guess I just want to end with this… Friday we went to the DR, Jess is so awesome as she asks great questions and records all the details. I stated what our goals are and the Dr gives us what options may work best, “TEAM WORK MAKES THE DREAM WORK”… After the Dr we stop for a quick lunch on our 2.5 hour drive home. My knee is aching from the injection, we arrive at Sam’s Place to prepare a room for the new guy that we are picking up on Saturday. Saturday we drove down to find “the new guy”.

“Ok, we are looking for a small wooden shed” and right on que, there it is. As he stands with his 4 bags, we can see he is ready to depart the small wooden shed with no insulation, no kitchen, no water or plumbing. Winter is closing in fast, minus 40 is just around the corner… after we set him up in his new room, finish the hours of paperwork and jump in the van to head home…

I pick up the work phone & dial a phone number… “Hi John? Charlie here, I know it’s getting late but I have all the parts we need and I know you need to pack up the cabin for the winter, so I am headed your way tonight still, I kind of got delayed… no, I’m still coming, I should be there by 6 pm, ohh it’s no problem at all, see you soon!”

After I wrap up my last bit of work for the night, Jess and I reflect on the last two days and decide… It’s all worth it! Tomorrow is Sunday and God always provides for us. He sustains us and gives us everything we need. I just wish I didn’t have so many cars and trucks that require my attention. Did I mention winter is coming and the plow truck isn’t running? Well, I guess I can run the bobcat until I can fix the truck. Now, ask me next week if it’s all worth it? All I have to do is see the hope, the relief from “shed life” a safe clean home with meals, and a gentle word from one of our residents “thanks” and I will say to Jess again, “its definitely worth it”

Lev 25:35 ‘Now in case a countryman of yours becomes poor and his means among you falter, then you are to sustain him, like a stranger or a resident, so that he may live with you.

Have a blessed day, C

The lawn chair that stole me beer

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I just don’t know what year it was but I remember the situation like it was only yesterday. I was sitting in a lawn chair, I don’t remember where, I just remember saying “WHY?”

Rewind to the late 1990’s, I was a garbage man. I was working for an outfit in Eagan MN and living in Anoka MN, a distance of about 40 miles, directly through the heart of the city.

After driving to work at 2 am, I would hop into my 50,000 lbs truck and hurl it through the back alleys and driveways of the Minneapolis and St Paul metro area, reaching speeds of 20 miles per hour past telephone poles that are inches away from the mirrors, stopping and dragging dumpsters out into the alley across snow banks and avoiding racoons and rats on a daily basis… I could tell you hundreds of stories… The prostitute trying to stay warm on a cold winter night. The cat carcass that was obviously served for dinner the night before… So much more… but I am not here to tell the horror stories of hauling trash on the UofM campus where the hot tub party was in full swing as I backed into the dumpster at 4:30 am…. Or ending my day at about 1 pm, just to drive another hour to get home… or maybe not drive home. Maybe I decided to stop off with the guys for a cold beverage… finally heading home at 7pm…

That is not the story I am here to tell you about, I’m here to tell you about the hope I was given in a new life.

I continued this pattern of consuming the “COLD LIBATIONS” well past my garbage days, into my new career of HVAC. Day after day, Night after night…Monday night football means a case of Michelob Golden and snacky foods, a bag of chips, a fresh smoked goose or a deep fried turkey… Some days the boys would be with me and others I went alone, but never would I miss a Monday night football game… I told myself “this is the one night out of seven that’s MINE!

MY NIGHT, truth be told, I was able to not drink most evenings, instead I would fix the house, take the boys camping and still drink every other night I could. I would tell myself “as long as I don’t start drinking alone, I am not a drunk bum or alchy”. I remembered my father, and how every Wednesday night he had his “ONE DAY”. The one day he would turn onto a bike path on the way home down the parkway, or run into every curb with that right front tire, making a miscalculation on every turn….  I never knew I would be like him, drunk one night a week. I wouldn’t know how much I drank and “DIDNT GET DRUNK” until my eyes were opened to the truth. 

The eye opening started one night in Eagan, at a “buddies” house, eating deep fried anything, drinking until it was time to leave as Monday night football concluded for the night. I was living in Ramsey at that point, just a few miles further now. I wasn’t drunk, I just had a few. I was feeling sick, I must have eaten something that didn’t settle. I struggled to see the road as it was moving all over the place on that clear summer evening. As I crossed the river on MN77 (Cedar Ave) I felt the welling up from deep inside, but like the good drunk I had become, slowly and steadily, I overcame the issue, grabbing a jacket to mop up the mess I just made all over the steering wheel, dash board and seat… I GOT THIS MAN!!! 

I sat years later, reflecting on that night, reflecting on my class reunion, reflecting on my wallet…Remeber? I was sitting in the lawn chair, and I asked “WHY?” I sat holding a half downed can of Budweiser, I looked at it and said “WHY”. I set it down, I looked at it, I remembered all the good times I had because of the bottle, can or mixer… never have I had a moment so clear in my life… never touched a drop after that, but the temptation, coercion and manipulations were just starting… The sideways look from the guys you work with when you say “No thanks, I don’t go to bars” like it’s some sort of perverse character flaw. The gal at work that’s flirtatious and asks you out to have drinks at her place… The ex wife that screams “YOU USED TO BE FUN BEFORE YOU QUIT DRINKING”… 

And still, the Lord held my hand stronger and whispered softly… “I won’t stop you, but you have the choice to not drink, to change your life, to be a good father, to be clean”

That last beer was probably around the year 2008, I am only guessing from circumstances I remember in our life. So I’m not exactly positive what year or what date, It wasn’t a date I thought to mark down, record or celebrate like so many other folks can do. To me? I just stopped drinking in a super natural way that can only be credited to the Lord of Lords, King of Kings, the almighty God, creator of heaven and earth, creator of me and you! I take no credit aside from giving up the fight and listening to the “TRUTH”. A small voice that called me out of darkness and into the light. 

I hope my testimony finds you well. I pray you can know the hope I had on that fate filled lawn chair, somewhere in Minnesota when I looked at that can of beer and said one simple word “WHY?”

May God richly bless you on the beautiful Sunday morning. C

Think positive

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Do you remember the line from a long time ago? In the movie “Charlie and the Chocolate factory”?… if you remember it, sing it with me… “THINK POSITIVE…”

My oldest son played the part of Grampa in the high school play back in Bell Plaine… For many years that is exactly what I did, I just had positive thoughts, replacing the negative with the positive. It actually works well. 

BUT, there are times that positive thoughts simply means you are not looking at the situation realistically. Sometimes, a good old fashioned dose of pessimism is exactly what the situation calls for… Sometimes, there isn’t a really bright side. Sometimes, the negative is what you need so you can make corrections. Sometimes reality is a perspective that is not so jolly and positive. Sometimes, change is probably for the best.

For the most part I look at the world with a perspective that my cup is actually full. Because half with water and the other half with air, is actually full.

Think about that, it’s always full of something and to me, that’s “opportunity”… maybe to grow, maybe to move, maybe to withdraw, maybe to engage?…. One thing I know for certain, God has always provided better for me when I have moved in faith to his calling… listening to that still, small voice, hearing God’s words clearly and then stepping out, when it’s time.

When I was growing up, my father taught me many hard lessons. When he wasn’t screaming profanities and breaking stuff that he would later blame us kids… He would collect and store even more “stuff” in the hoarder house,  on the north side of MPLS. One thing I did learn is how to work, how to value work, how to never give up and how to never quit… If I didn’t learn these lessons, there was a swift reach for that wire coat hanger, i felt it across my backside to remind me what the best choices are for me. 

I learned these and many more lessons in life and then put these lessons into practice. It wasn’t all bad and it taught me a great deal of self discipline. I remember a quote, I think from Ben Franklin, could be wrong, but it went something like this… “Most folks are afraid of opportunity because it comes dressed in overalls and looks like work”. So to me, the world looked like one big opportunity and I was never afraid of digging in and getting dirty… This has served me well for over 50 years now… and that has been good… but now….  My body hurts… When I say “hurts” I mean it hurts in ways I don’t understand, in places I didn’t know existed and from things I have been doing my whole life. It’s like I have been betrayed by father time and he is getting a good laugh out of watching me struggle. Time is nobody’s friend, when it comes down to the brass tacks.

So back to the Willy Wonka Chocolate Factory… change is necessary from time to time, some change we make ends up with bad choices, we should be quick to adjust and change. Correct our trajectory. Yet others are seasonal and we may be there longer, we may get comfortable and compliant. Sometimes we just fight with God until that one day, we finally give in and move away… it can be very painful, but I have found if we stop fighting the change as soon as we know its time, things go much better. The sooner we can get back to serving God the way he has asked us to serve him, the better. Rest in the wisdom of the Lord and not on your own understanding. Things just go better. Putting off all bitterness, seek first to understand and then to be understood. 

I realize change is needed, I know I can not keep going forever, I just pray the Lord sends the right “younger man” to us, so that he may learn this business and take it over. If not, I have a bunch of equipment to sell, give away or toss out… one day, but I am not quitting yet. I have realized I’m not able to replace two furnaces in one day like I was doing only a few short years ago… nowadays? I take breaks! Never did that before. I take a lunch break too! It’s oddly refreshing. I only work 6-8 hours before calling it a day (sometimes)… I retreat to my home where my faithful foot massager is waiting for my daily dose of “ohh that’s a new pain!”

Change in life is the one thing that never changes.

So I say good bye to that which was and say hello to that great new tomorrow, with open arms, no regrets, no bitterness, only joy filled anticipation of what God has in store for us… as in Jess and I… 

God bless you all this day. We love you all and hope your next change is not filled with pain, but a joy that surpasses all understanding. C