Living Hazzardously

Little pieces of our journey with Jesus

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Is it a battle of the mind, and the soul?

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It was Easter weekend, we anticipated the arrival of two grands and the four parents and one special other-grandmother … Ham, Potatoes, Green bean casserole… so much food! We had been prepping and buying and making ready, and we had big plans. The weather started to shift and we were caught in a vicious winter storm that would end everything…  The snow storm hit and we were inundated with so much, now extra, food…. More than I could manage, and it all needed to be cooked and made ready…But now our guests, grands & kids are staying home…NO GUESTS, but food enough for 20… If we didn’t finish preparing it, it would all go bad…

 It’s now been 3 full weeks. That Easter Sunday hit more like MOAB (mother of all bombs) and the shock wave still isn’t over. The season of stress as we continue to work through the pain, wave after miserable wave.

The snow stopped and Jess started to have a low grade persistent fever, every day, all day, up to 102…  after 4 days we went to the ER… A few tests, nothing, just go home and wait… 

Next was the doctor at the clinic, just a few days later…A bunch more tests,  just go home and see if it keeps troubling you… 

A few more days have passed and … Back to the ER… a team of testing and monitoring, Just go home and see….

A few more days, I demanded to see someone,  anyone in internal medicine…. We still know nothing

Blood tests, CT scan, more blood tests, urine tests, blood tests, referrals, tests, draw more blood, pokes, prodding, BP cuffs and O2 readings… Tick borne, meningitis, kidney and liver and bladder and UTI and heart and lungs and blood …. nothing….

A referral to one specialist… “ok we have you set to see the Dr in November”… WHAT????

Another specialist was August… ARE YOU KIDDING??

Primary care Dr was only in mid May? No wait, that appointment just got taken while we talked, now it’s late May…. Ummm, she can’t wait that long, she can barely get out of bed… It’s mid April, and that’s a month out.

Three weeks of “nothing”, Jess is just starting to feel a bit better. She can only be on her feet for short periods, then it’s time to sit down. I had the privilege of coming home a couple nights ago and found Jess making dinner. She looked so tired and weak. I could see in her eyes, she was beat and exhausted, making dinner was too much. This took out anything she had left, she was empty physically. Jess just fell into my arms and said “I don’t want to be sick anymore.”  I held her and we cried together. 

I’m tired. I don’t want her to drive still because she gets so tired, I don’t know how quick her reflexes are on these deer covered roads… so we push on. 

This entire thing is because of me, I’m convinced of that. You see, a few days before she got so sick, I had to tell her some rather distasteful news… “Jess, the Dr called and I have cancer”… she went dead silent, we had been stressed all day about some problems at Sam’s Place and we hadn’t really been treating each other in the most mindful way… Stress had wiggled into our relationship and we both became easily offended… How stupid is that? The person we trust the most, and we get snotty with each other… Neither of us had done anything “BIG”, it was just that stupid stuff like putting the toilet paper on backwards or not putting the steak knives away “correct”… 

And then the cancer. I’m as nervous as a long tailed cat in a room full of rocking chairs. Don’t get me wrong, it’s not the “bad” kind, but it was the first time either of us had been diagnosed with something this dramatic. The prognosis is excellent, we caught it early, but it’s still cancer. 

I find it hard this week to keep a positive outlook… I know the word of God tells us to trust him, and that he is dependable. It’s easy to intellectually see the situation and know God is in control… But then there is the weak, sinful part of me that screams out “ENOUGH, I CANT TAKE THIS MUCH!!” and I realize, Jesus on the night he was betrayed, showed love for his enemies, and he gave his life so that his enemies might have eternal life…

I struggle with negative thoughts. WOE IS ME! God Forgive this foolish man and draw us into the joy of our LORD. 

Trusting God though the fire today, C.

Minnesota ice age.

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The snow drones on like a persistent and spoiled child throwing a temper tantrum in the Walmart check out aisle. “MOM!!!! I WANT….” You know the one, screaming, calling mom names and hitting anyone in reach, slamming products onto the floor and making a huge messy scene, all because mom said “NO”

Winter never seems to understand his presence is like nails on a chalk board. But who is the brat causing a disturbance? Me? You? Us? Them? Ya, it’s got to be them!! You and I would never have a hissy fit over an old man named Winter, or the not so distant cousin named “icy roads” WOULD WE?

So we complain about the snow and the cold, in the midst of a global warming catastrophe, we complain about the cold and snow. As if our complaining will change the course of time and produce a more pleasing outcome of warm sand beaches and sun drentched umbrella decorated cocktails….

A man in the bible named Job (biblical name Job is pronounced “Jobe”) talked about the cold descending from the north, most agree he would be talking about the post flood ice age that was brought on by atmospheric interferences of the Sun’s power to heat the earth… How silly to complain about the weather. 

This week I felt like Job of the bible. Except I’m not as righteous as he. I got news, my day was changed, life changing news actually, the kind of news that makes a person sit back and re-evaluate everything, reflect on goals and re-consider choices.  Then the weather hit, Easter weekend was ruined, I still had to cook up 2 large hams, all the potatoes and everything else to feed 8 at home and 12-15 at Sams Place. Now WE spend the day cooking so that the food can be stored and used in other ways. 10 pounds of taters, green bean casserole, cheesy taters and gravy, over a gallon of gravy, way over a gallon. 

Like a mortar round that was perfectly on target…. Then more thuds as mortars kept coming, situations, news sickness and distress… when will it stop! My knee needs to be replaced and today the pain is a five or six…. My foot is killing me, I hope the Dr can figure out what thats about. My Fibro is flaring and the whole body hurts.

Everything bad just kept hitting me on que, not giving a minute to breath… Trouble at Sams place was next… It just kept coming! I looked out the window, I need to fix the chicken water thats frozen… I cant even see the coop because of the heavy snow fall…. the snow!

I won’t share all the news we got that day nor will I share all our struggles, at least not today… maybe in a future blog. Pushed to my limit, the day never showed mercy and attacked me!! Spoiled and relentless, the day never ended. One thing after another. The kids are not coming! Quickly change plans! I don’t get to see my grands or my boys or my DIL’s… and then it was there… I finally found it, the end of my rope.

A swift proclamation, I heard my mouth utter “GOD HAS DESERTED ME!”

Deserted me?… GOD?? What did I just say? 

My mind flashed back to a man that questioned God, his name is Job.

JOB 1:13-19. Job lost everything! sons, daughters, livestock, servants… the only thing he did not loose? one employee, the man that brought the news of Job loosing EVERTHING HE HAD! (sumarized)

Job 1:20 Then Job got up, tore his robe, and shaved his head; then he fell to the ground and worshiped. 21 He said,

“Naked I came from my mother’s womb,
And naked I shall return there.
The Lord gave and the Lord has taken away.
Blessed be the name of the Lord.”

22 Despite all this, Job did not sin, nor did he blame God.

How is it possible, I blame the Lord? And just like that, I sinned. 

It’s a humbling moment to see just how weak I am and how quickly I blamed God for my lack of faith… I immediately realized my failure, I turned to my wife and said I was wrong to think this and I’m sorry for being weak. In the stillness of my heart I asked the Lord for his forgiveness, and he granted it to me. 

I’m glad I live in the time of grace. I’m glad that God is not unforgiving, I am glad that when I sin, God makes a way of reconciliation and forgiveness. 

Praise the Lord that he has set me free and He is always my KING!

In sack cloth and ashes, C.

No Kings! 

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The end times as written in the book of revelation speaks so much to me as I reflect on the things around me today. Good has become evil and evil has become good. Confusion and division are more common than not. Listening to words that tickle the ears and not wanting words of truth. My truth, your truth, his truth and her truth, as if we can just decide what is true because we like this or that. It’s disheartening to think about, but as a Christian man, I “KNOW”, I don’t “think”… But how can I be so sure? How can you know for certain? Is there a way to “KNOW”

The internet definitions: 

Absolute truth refers to facts that are immutable, universal, and independent of personal beliefs, cultures, or perspectives. It remains true at all times and in all places. 

Subjective truth is a concept where the validity of a statement depends on the personal feelings, perspectives, or experiences of an individual. Unlike objective truth, it varies from person to person

Absolute truth is not subjective because it is based on reality, which remains true regardless of personal belief, culture, or perspective. It is discovered, not invented, and remains unchanging over time.

The object to which we determine objective truth is reality itself, the external world of facts, and logical consistency.

This may shock you…  but I believe there is “absolute truth”… And in fact everyone alive or dead believes in absolute truth regardless of personal claims that truth is subjective. 

Simply put, if you look deep into the facts of this world, you will find God, not the gods of self made religions but rather the God of the bible that has revealed himself through the very creation you can not deny, as you are part of that very creation!

In other words, you are proof that God is real and that you are a product of his creation…reality!! Regardless of your personal beliefs, God exists and He alone created you. 

Today’s blog post is my challenge for you to KNOW the truth, don’t say  “I think I’m right” or “I feel Im Right” just “KNOW” the truth… God has written truth and spoken truth to all creation. 

Be still and KNOW that I am God (ps 46:10) Is a challenge to stop striving to prove what you want to be true and embrace the TRUTH as the creator has already given proof to us all. 

Romans 1:18 For the wrath of God is revealed from heaven against all ungodliness and unrighteousness of people who suppress the truth in unrighteousness, 19 because that which is known about God is evident within them; for God made it evident to them. 20 For since the creation of the world His invisible attributes, that is, His eternal power and divine nature, have been clearly perceived, being understood by what has been made, so that they are without excuse. 21 For even though they knew God, they did not honor Him as God or give thanks, but they became futile in their reasonings, and their senseless hearts were darkened. 22 Claiming to be wise, they became fools, 23 and they exchanged the glory of the incorruptible God for an image in the form of corruptible mankind, of birds, four-footed animals, and crawling creatures.

There is only one KING, and there will only ever be one king, anyone who fights an earthly king, fights God, anyone who exalts themself as king also fights God. How foolish are we to think we can create a world without God.

For more depth on this, look up my blog “Stop kicking the Goads…” published Nov 22, 2025.

I hope this post has stopped you in your stride and made you think about the truth we all need to KNOW.

God Bless, C.