Living Hazzardously

Little pieces of our journey with Jesus

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I’m quitting, tomorrow! 

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These days I wake up early in the morning, drag my ugly mug downstairs for a cup of joe, let the dogs out while it brews and take a minute to reflect on life. Eventually I find my way to the couch where I spend the next 15 minutes sipping coffee and stimulating my brain until I can have rational thoughts… then my brain comes alive and I start to sort all the things of life!

Two categories, relevant to my family and irrelevant… Once I have all the things of life sorted, I “take out the trash” … I have been doing this as a learned process of anxiety relief for many years. It’s hard for people to look at me today and imagine the level of crippling anxiety I once had… 

Crippled in fear, the future of my three sons was in the bllance. Without sleep, I would get up at 11pm, take Titan (my white GSD) for a walk. I knew I would not enter the bar if I had my pup with me… 

I would walk outside the bars of Belle Plaine MN and listen to the patrons tying one on… night after night I would stop, listen and think “One drink!!??” I could just slip away into the world of self medication and lose all my pain? Realizing the truth, I would walk the town until the bars closed, then I would be reminded why I needed to take every thought captive. They stumbled out and swerved all the way home… 

Doctors, Lawyers, tradesmen, husbands and fathers… inhibitions lowered and drowning the pain of their own life one shot at a time… 

I would return home, take a look at my sleeping sons and remember “I am not alive to feel good, But rather, to be the father I have been called to be!” and the next morning, my day would start, in a similar manner to how I start today… I thank God every day that he sustained me by surrounding me with good men, Godly men. They probably don’t know just how much they mean to me because how do you say it? How do you tell a man that they saved your life by saying “HI”…. Mike, Chuck, Keith, Kevin, Chris, Jay, Todd, Ruan, David, Jon & so many more, I cant list them all….. men of God, men I hardly knew, men that believed in me and spoke truth, passers by… exposing me to life and stability…. 

I would practice taking every thought captive, how to think positively, how to trust God, moments turned into minutes which turned into hours which turned into days, weeks, months and years… 

One of the many lessons I learned was this: “Get up, make your bed”.

I hear Jordan Peterson is using this lesson in his interviews, I don’t remember him asking permission from me but that’s ok, I can let it slide, for now. The idea is, when you get up in the morning, MAKE YOUR BED, and count that as a success. You can make your bed? Straighten out a drawer in your room! You cant do that? Do half! The point is to start somewhere and make that a habit. Something that improves your life, even if its just rinsing out your coffee cup when you are done, do something! Count that as success and build from there to straighten out your life. Add another simple thing in a week, or a month, just start somewhere and build from that point. 

Set a goal, make your goal ATTAINABLE… that means make it realistic and something you can do, and then do it! It must be MEASURABLE, you need to be able to actually have something that can be measured, not arbitrary. It must be REPEATABLE, it needs to be something in your life that you can actually do every day, don’t pick something like “clean my desk drawer” if you are not at work every day. It needs to be PERSONAL, not something others would notice, this is about you, not the world. And then you need to DO IT. 

It’s amazing how this can make your life manageable and the freedom you feel from success is empowering, and when you fail, because we all do, start over, start over and become successful again. 

For me it started in Ecclesiastes 3:8,, with the realization there was a time for every season… A time for hate and a time for love. Our seasons come and go, and there is a time for everything, under heaven. 

Don’t quit today, quit tomorrow, just never today. A paradox, because it never actually gets here. Today is the tomorrow you were dreading yesterday. Today never comes. Failure and quitting are tomorrow’s tasks, not today’s. 

God Bless, C.

Where are “Joshua and Caleb?”

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When men stand up and be mentors to other men.

So often I see women’s groups flourish at studying the bible, helping each other out and being social… but men? I haven’t been in a men’s group for over ten years, not because I am not interested but rather because men’s groups always seem to be the same story… If your church has a men’s group, it’s likely serving widows (which is great), a basketball game on Thursdays (which is healthy) or a men’s breakfast that happens every few months (nothing wrong with this either). Or maybe I am missing something?

I had a man tell me his story about trying to start a men’s group that digs deep and studies the word of God. He was met with negativity, complicated requirements and very little encouragement from leadership… Shortly after his failed attempt, the same guys that explained how the idea was “stupid” started to develop a “men’s group”. This group did “guy stuff” shooting, fishing, sports… He watched a group of guys put together a “fun day” with a short devotional at the end, but was never asked to participate at any level… Have you ever experienced this? I did some digging and sadly I discovered this is very common.  

What is it about men? Are the only things we care about is the latest sports score? The largest walleye? And how the “buffoon” made them laugh in the last episode of “the Simpsons’ or Family Guy” or “Al Bundy insults everyone” … Is that who men have become now? 

I called some area churches a while back, asked one simple question: “Do you have any men’s groups at your church?” The answer was no, universally every church I was able to connect with and every man I asked was a simple no, and some answers sounded like they had never even heard of a men’s group to study the bible. 

December 20, 2025, I dove into a topic that is important to me, “Exploring Masculine Identity Struggles”… I cant give you all the details, but lets just say, being a man these days is definitely not “PC”… The common issues are 

  • Persistent feelings of pretending
  • Guessing rather than confident decisions
  • Anxiety about being inadequate
  • Craving order but never finding it
  • Difficulty in meeting standards for fear of criticism
  • Not being supported in emotional reactions causing shut down

In short, men need men to find healthy masculine pathways, feedback that supports growth and accountability of balance between assertiveness and softness… 

Fast forward to today, I have asked so many guys… “Would you be interested in helping us out at Sams Place by mentoring or helping lead a bible study?” Where are the men that the bible talks about with “IRON SHARPENS IRON” Where are the men of God, the strong, valiant and fierce men of God? 

Where are “Joshua and Caleb”? The man who led the Israelites across the Jordan into the promised land as leaders who serve the people and represent a model of faith, military leadership, and covenant obedience…. 

When men step out, back and down from the roles God has appointed to  them to do, things go wrong. 

Joshua and Caleb who returned and reported after 40 days of scouting: The land is good and favorable. The other ten came back and reported about the giants and there was no way to win? They had “defeated themselves” even before they started.

Are we men of God like Caleb & Joshua or the other ten, fearful of failure… that is entirely up to you. I suggest we stand up today and say “HERE AM I, SEND ME”.

We are never too messed up (like Sampson), Poor of speech (like Moses), foolish (like a talking DONKEY) or criminal (like the murderous King David) to be used by our God…

May the peace that supasses all understanding be with you today, C.

Bits and Pieces

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Its no secret that I deal with a great deal of childhood trauma. Although I was formed in a life of trauma, trauma doesnt defining who I have become. Nowadays, I try to recognize how I may help others. Others that have had the same or similar type of experiences… I try to meet them on the journey of life, so that we may both find success in spite of our pasts. 

It seems like every so often I am reminded of a memory of yet another “something” I endured as a child. This weeks memory was… Looking back on the days of living in a rat infested home on the Northside of Minneapolis… some of the ways my father “euthanized” these creatures… I had blocked it out for years, but it came back to me the other day, the smell, sights and sounds is not something I want to publish in a public blog, sedistic, cruel and not humane, just torture! Not something I choose to remember but rather an event I wished I had never been around for. 

I talk to my younger brother and talk through the details from time to time, just to remember the details of our troubled past. This helps to clarify it wasn’t just “some kid, making stuff up in his head”…realizing what I had seen, heard, smelled and felt, this is somehow freeing…. And in other ways its damning…. My past what made me who I am but it is not the essence of who I am.

As I sat at Sam’s Place the other day, having a spot of lunch. I was talking to a couple of our guys, one of them triggered this memory from my childhood… Later I confirmed with my brother the experience we had as small boys growing up in the house of horrors… If it had just been rats, I suppose I could have overlooked it easier. But the cats, so many cats and the way he did it… and what he did to my poor little pup, “Tobias winslow the third” (the picture is not my pup, but looks just like him)

A bedlington terrier and poodle mix. I sat for hours with himgrowing up, we just hung out… but I couldn’t take him with in my later teens life of rebellion when I moved into the phase of life called “the couch days”

My pup was a super sweet fella, he was always happy to see me when ever I could get back home, but then there was the last time I came home to be greeted by the fuzzy little guy… I found him blocked into his dog house with a piece of plywood, mom said he had been block in for days, in the summer heat. I  ripped the dog house open to find my pup alive but looking like he should not be living… infections had invaded his skin, he was covered in poo but he was still my buddy, the only “person” that was always happy to see me… I cried. For hours I cried. How could this be that my little gray pup would be treated this way… and I felt the guilt from not being there to protect him from the man that abused or took advantage of every creature in his world. 

This is not where I want to leave the story, there is redemption and  victory. My father was filled with pride, but even he became humble in his last days, as he faced the inevitable call of the timeless outcome…. we must all one day see face to face… Death visited my pup as an act of mercy, I saw the most beautiful creature of my life abused, neglected and it was my fault for not being there when he needed me, my loyal, little, fuzzy grey pup… 

These events have shaped my life, not dictated my path, I may have experienced these events as a child but as a man I can choose to rise above them and see the pain others are in. I want to meet others and let them know its not who they are, it doesnt need to define them… there is victory if you truely want to find it, it just looks different, but it only comes from Jesus. 

So what is my message today?

No more victims, today I only see the victor in you. 

 Its simple…but so difficult. I believe there is Victory in Jesus, not because I choose to have victory but rather I surender my victimhood to Jesus and he nailed it to the cross! So that I may take part in his Victory! You can too. 

Each day, start with being a victor over something, even if its just getting out of bed… GET UP! Feel that? Its victory! Now lets work on making your bed, even if its just putting the bed spread over the messy sheet, you can do it, do it every day and claim that as your victory until its becomes a normal part of life. Maybe a month, or even longer, now take that next step, put the pillow straight. Maybe the sheet is next? Find victory in something, anything! One step at a time, you got this… I believe in you even if you dont. Keep stepping, dont give up! So what, you didnt succeed at your goal today, but what did you succeeed in dong? Lets focus on that instead! There you go, step up tomorrow. Keep going, even if its something small, be intentional, DO IT!

This my friend is how you can beat it, with Jesus all things are not just possible, they are worth it. 

God Bless my friend, you got this, C.