Living Hazzardously

Little pieces of our journey with Jesus

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All the toils under the sun

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So, it’s Sunday again and I have missed writing so much. I hope you too have missed reading my words, you truly are appreciated. We have been traveling and I don’t have my laptop working right now.

Jess and I took a needed trip out to Wyoming to visit our sweet grand, she is doing great and Miranda is glowing with the new baby due this fall… We never saw Alex as he was in Portugal. Sorry son, but we got to see Sophia, so we are happy now. Jacob and Abigail stopped in as they were home hunting in the Denver area but that too was a short visit as they buzzed back and forth, they are busy planning for July 20, marriage day… Wait, MARRIAGE? But he is our baby boy dressed up in the costumes of lions and sitting on carnival rides, is he too young? Nope, I blinked and now he is a man… sadness starts to drift across my aging face, as our youngest abandons Jess and I for his new “adulting” life. 

I had the honor of filling in for a pastor in Bigfork while he took the day off, I presented Sam’s Place to the congregation and I talked about the “Good Samaritan”, I think it went great and it felt so wonderful to preach again, it’s been so many years since my last opportunity. Then another missed blog post was when Jess and I presented Sam’s Place to another Bigfork congregation, together we did eight minutes but alone I did 25 minutes. We are always looking for more opportunities to present our mission in churches. Thank you Lord for the opportunity so far. If you know a church that would allow me to deliver this message, I would be honored to visit (even if its across country, I love road trips).

The balance of rest and work has become a larger part of my life as I continue to struggle with the never ceasing pain riddling this broken and aging body. Too much work? I shut down with pain… Too much rest? I shut down with pain. This is what it is like in my lonely struggle with this fibro? When Jess and I cuddle on the couch and she leans against my ribs, it is like laying on rocks, large rocks that press in on every point, causing so much pain that you literally can not relax, the pain increases on every point of pressure, and it’s not even a hard pressure, sometimes it’s the light touch of her hand that can cause me pain… I take it as long as I can but eventually, I do need to move. Sometimes just crossing my legs at the calf is pain invoking and I can only sit still for about ten minutes before reposition. Sitting in church on a cushioned seat takes about 15 minutes before the pain exceeds the threshold. Too much walking is better than too much standing. Every part of my body hurts most of the time, a balance of movement and rest is all I can do to manage this situation.

I remember back when it all started, it was mostly in my back, I knew so little and had no idea why I was in severe pain and the pain always increased with less movement. I was taking 8-12 200mg tablets of Ibuprofen a day and eventually even that stopped helping. So I started looking deeper, looking at diet, exercise, rest, reading, reading and more reading. As I started honing in on the symptoms, I discovered a thing called “Fibromyalgia” and reading about this, I started to understand, started to determine the reason for my pain and found I am a classical case of Fibro. 

Summer hits and I start to sweat, profusely! I don’t like summer, I don’t like the heat, I like cold and people “hate on me” for that. But I can promise you this, If you live with my condition, 50 degrees outside would start sounding perfect…. And direct sunlight would become your enemy and the least desired location for eating dinner would be that patio she loves so much…  patios with no roofs make me cringe. 

My research has pointed to “childhood trauma” and seems to be the number one contributor. My story of childhood is a sad and long tale. I still have a hard time traveling down the annals of history to revisit. A childhood of physical abuse, sexual abuse, paternal rejection, maternal substance abuse and so much more. My younger brother and I lived a life no child should have been exposed to… I don’t want a pity party, But this is a hell of a way to live. My younger brother and I pretty much got the shaft, and we never even realized it. Products of GEN-X means we were told to get out of the house at practically day break and not show up again until the street lights came on. Snowball fights that left ice chuck divots on our heads, pine cone fights that knocked out my tooth, and bike jumps on banana seat bikes that were never tall enough until you could clear the grand canyon with a 5’ approach ramp. This was all normal stuff and we never questioned where we could get lunch… There was always a friend’s house that had no parents home during lunch hour, water was always readily available out of any neighborhood garden hose, except for the old lady Gladys, She didn’t appreciate our front porch gifts and ding-dong-ditch-it.

Back to fibro, PTSD is a real thing for me and manifests as fibro today. There is no cure as it seems to be an autoimmune response to the developmental years creating a self defense response to trauma… Trauma? It’s such a long list that folks start to doubt the validity of my historical claims. I may share in this blog one day, but probably just in a memoir someday. It’s taken so many years to heal that I still have a hard time reliving all my “Mr Jones events” to get me to this point in my life. A scared little boy, frozen in time, that’s how I feel.  

Fibro today dictates my daily activity, most days it looks like this: I can work hard but need to take a break mid day or I will be shot by 2pm, a situation that can take up to two days of recovery, but If I take a break, I am usually good for at least 5-6 pm. It’s no secret I like to work, God has given me the unique skill set that lets me accomplish a lot of tasks, If I don’t stay active every day, I will become riddled with even more pain, that pain from not staying active is far worse than overworking, so it’s a balance everyday, even on vacations, I need to work somehow… Beach vacations are an absolute nightmare for me… sun, warmth and sitting… I would rather do anything else than sit in the sun, including mucking the cow barn alone on my hands and knees. . but there is a road of hope ahead

The book of Eccleseastes saved my life years ago with the wisdom written on those pages, yes, I mean it literally saved my life.  Today that amazing book guides my thoughts and actions so much.. All a man’s labor under the sun is futility without GOD… but the balance of work and rest is so vital “a single hand filled with rest is better than all the accomplishments of two hands put together”

So the important thing here is to respect work and not forsake rest, to love creation and reflect on God all day. I would encourage you to read through this book of wisdom and truly ask God to reveal his goodness to your heart. 

“How long before I can move in?”

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We are asked from time to time, “how long before I can move in?” or move back in? This place sounds like the place I want to live! Sam’s Place is coming along, slowly! Some stories about those who have lived here in the past are pretty horrible, the water leaks… the food… we hope to do better and ask for your help to do this…

It has been a good but long week, as I struggle to find enough time, I plead my case for help. We finally got our electricity back on and I have resolved many roof leaks, still have one to go before I start the next phase of roof repairs” . It is actually just managing the conditions and starting a standard of upkeep, unfortunately, we are just going to patch things together this year.

Jess is working hard to establish a 501c3. but taking “food handling” classes and taking tests and licensing and calls and administration for Spring Lake Heating and answering the work phone and being a mother and being a wife and looking gorgeous (she really doesn’t have to work hard for that last one) …

Al is excited to have his Basketball tourney… and in his words… “That’s all that matters, right Charlie?”

Things are going well, although a bit slower than we had hoped, our goal is to get partially occupied by mid to late fall of this year. Jess and I are taking a very overdue trip to see our baby granddaughter, this week. We can’t take Al as it’s just too stressful for him more than once every couple years and even then, he doesn’t really enjoy driving across the country and flying is not an option with Al, In fact, boating on our pontoon is too much movement for him as well… All things We are working on but it takes years of conditioning, it takes a lot of time!

Our Piggies are growing so fast and when I return, they will be moved into the summer forage area from the starter pen. The broiler chickens are feathered out so they can move into the summer tractor today! The Guinee’s are disappearing one by one, no trace but seems to be at night. We haven’t a clue but I am starting to think it has to be that owl is back, silent, deadly, no trace!

We have been filling our dumpster to the brim and I am certain we have become our garbage man’s least favorite stop on Fridays… but we got to clean out the trash, and so we keep filling it up…

So anyway, today is a short read, but let me tell you this… I REALLY APPRECIATE YOU ALL!! The time you take to read our blog means more than you know, the support we have seen in this chapter is so motivating, but even so, it’s a daunting task.

It’s not what you take with you when you leave this world, it’s what you leave behind… What’s your legacy?

Charlie and Jess Hazzard

Sewers and windows

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Week one, done! Jess has her work cut out for her as we start to write business plans, seek out grants, donations and start the “non-profit” side of things. We have so much to do, we will hopefully get to the bank this week and open a trust account for donations until we can transfer this directly to the non-profit organization. Up to this point, this venture is all out of our pocket. So far, we have been able to start Sam’s Place on cash only… but that’s not going to last long. Please make donations payable to “Sam’s Place”.

We started this week with exploration, discovery and calculations. We now have a much better idea of what we are up against. The best money spent this week went to “Scooters”, professional, courteous and fast service, they listened to me and made my day so much better.  Thank you, Randy, it’s clean and dry now, still smells like _____ but that’s how it goes. 

I removed one window and verified the construction techniques of the double hung, counterbalanced windows in the original building and took measurements for replacements. We conducted some price comparisons; I was so pleased to discover that Lakeside Lumber & Hardware (our local lumber yard) is competitive on pricing. We truly believe in supporting the local businesses in every way. This just adds to my assertion to continue to support them. We may need to stretch our funds but it’s so nice to know that local spending is still our best option. It’s going to take some time to really get stuff done around here but so far, I am not really surprised at our findings. 

In 1957 there were two meters installed in the lower level, one was labeled “dentist” and the other labeled “doctor”. One was bypassed with a 12-gauge wire and a fuse block (very creative but not real safe), the other still had the meter installed. Lovdahl Electric has already started to replace three fuse panels. The goal is to eliminate a “multitude” of potential fires and subverting insurance claims. We found one circuit that was chopped out by cutting the pipe full of wires… but reinstalling the fuses… so the live wires were just sitting in the end of the pipe, waiting for the most opportune time to reveal this dangerous short cut to the least expectant victim. I’m wondering if I should plan for future Air Conditioning in the building or try to save a few bucks to spend three times as much in the future… I think now is smarter.

I will admit, we have had one surprise so far and it seems to be one of our biggest challenges… INSURANCE! I have discovered that insurance is really only available to those who “don’t need it”… getting insurance has been so expensive and troublesome. Most companies won’t even return our inquiries when they hear “Yes, we currently have fused panels and not breaker panels” (that is being corrected already) We signed on with the company I have been using for many years, a man I have known from my days in Belle Plaine. Currently it’s a short-term policy until we can occupy the building (a vacant building is crazy to get covered) but even after that, the costs and requirements are over the top.

Good news is the sprinkler system is good for a few more years… just don’t paint the sprinkler heads.

We will be stripping/ripping carpet off the floors, patching the floors, walls & ceilings. Painting walls and ceilings as soon as possible. Egg shell white is our goal for everything inside, maybe one day we can add color but in the words of my sons “TODAY IS NOT THAT DAY” 

The building will be addressed in “Phases” so we can start to open asap. 

  • First phase is the upper level of the original building. 7 rooms and the front entry.
  • Second phase is the lower level of the addition. Kitchen and laundry area.
  • Third Phase is the upper level of the addition. 6 rooms and rear entry.
  • Fourth Phase is the lower level of the original building, this will be a large suite, a corner room and a staff office/ overnight bunk.
  • Fifth phase is the exterior, shutters and color.
  • Sixth Phase is landscape. A beautiful garden for sitting and relaxing, a privacy fence along the sides of the garden and a picket fence between the garden and the stunning view of the river. Adding a parking lot in the rear and security measures as well as better storm water drainage
  • Seventh phase is adding “ADA” access. A wheelchair lift is probably the answer. Something similar to the chair lift in City Hall would be best. Does anyone have one laying around? We would be happy to get that donation!
  • Eight phase is…. more dreams….

This is my “priority list” but some of this will definitely be overlapping. For instance, I will be installing new boilers before this fall, making changes to the roof so we don’t continue to see the storms inside the building and making temporary ceiling repairs for our licensing.

We have found some “replacement” plumbing fixtures that need to be replaced and repaired. Cats have been allowed into some spaces and they have left behind the scent of their “domestic life” in the carpets. Plenty of cleaning, minor repairs, locks to change and all the normal things one might expect.

Our disappointment so far is limited to discovering all the documents, pictures or historical items of any type have been removed. This was a serious let down for us as we had such big dreams of a “Museum wall” in the cafe. We are hoping to appeal to the community to provide anything! Your help in this is priceless, we hope to build this back into our dream. 

We clearly see the struggles over the years to keep this fantastic part of the community in good operating condition. It has taken its toll and makes me sad that this building will need to have so much of its history replaced. At “Sam’s Place” we are dedicated to making this happen and making it happen is what we will do.

I am hoping to post a few pictures in my next blog. Stay tuned for more adventures.

Thank you for the support, Sam’s Place & Livinghazzadously.

Sam’s Place ℅ Jess and Charlie Hazzard

50145 County Road 4

Spring Lake MN 56680

Email: springlakejess@gmail.com Blog: Sam’s Place (livinghazzardously.com)

Call or text: 218-256-9154