Living Hazzardously

Little pieces of our journey with Jesus

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Truth or Trust Fail

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I saw a movie trailer the other day starring Kevin Bacon and  Amanda Seyfried. Kevin made a claim “You broke the rules, there are no more rules anymore” This really struck a chord in my life… On one hand, we need to build sound and safe parameters to our lives for our safety and the safety of those we love. As a man, we have been given the responsibility of the protection of our families. Protection? From what? Maybe the horrible scene playing out in the Carolinas? Maybe from the fires in Maui? Maybe we should be testing fire hydrants in Cali?

What areas of protection do you see lacking in your world? Do we provide protections for others? WHO IS OUR CHARGE OF PROTECTION?

As the cofounder of Sam’s Place, Jess and I talk alot about how we can provide protection, how we can keep our residents safe…  safe, safe from what? I think back to the old movies like “Predator”. How would I protect anyone from that? I’m not a superhero… Well, I’m not super concerned about that type of threat, but I am concerned about other threats that are more realistic. Fires, floods and cold weather are real concerns… Locked doors, cameras monitoring who is “coming and going” are just a couple ways I can address safety, or maybe it’s the new boilers, electrical panels and a new roof? 

These are all great ways to provide protection, but what about the threats that we cant see? You know, the threats from within the mind? A few years back I got the opportunity to learn a bit about schizophrenia… It’s a difficult disorder. Imagine not being able to determine truth, hearing voices, seeing people and not knowing what is real. How do I protect someone from that? How horrible is it to allow a person to go on believing things that are not real? I guess if it doesn’t matter what a person believes then they can just imagine the reality they want? NO! That’s evil! 

I could go deep and prove my point here but in the end, If you don’t believe that objective truth matters, you will believe whatever you want to believe, regardless of facts, truth, reality and reason. If that’s true for you, I hope someone is looking out for you and protecting you from the reality of objective truth.

Back to trust, trust is knowing the person you trust will always do what is best for you in the long run. Trust is about putting others ahead of you and valuing the good outcome for them over your own desires… Think of it like the instructions on an aircraft, putting the mask on those that cant help themselves first is how is wrong and puts everyone at a higher risk of death. Taking care of the caregiver is how you take care of both people. BUT THAT SEEMS SELFISH. Until you are helping that person later, after the crash…

But what do you do when things are “WRONG” ? What do you do when trust is broken? What do you do when the one that is supposed to put you first with the lifesaving oxygen mask puts it on themselves and never helps you with yours, or worse, they put on the mask because they are saving themselves? What if the men in the Titanic got into the lifeboats to help the women and children get in but then they just stayed in the boat and did not help the women and children… 

The Movies are filled with scenes about trust fails, like life, the breach of trust is difficult… it destroys relationships faster than any other situation… 

If the plane had one too few masks, or the Titanic had too few boats… Where do you suppose you would see Jesus? Behind the mask? In the boat? No, he would be high and lifted up on that cross for you. For me. 

I’m so glad to realize that after I put the mask on my boys, help Jess into the boat, and stand at the end of life’s journey, I will always have company… The Men that take their jobs serious and Jesus. They will all be standing at the rails, watching the ones they love floating away to safety. 

Trust is a life’s journey, yet we all fail sometimes. Charlie

 “JUDGE RIGHTLY”

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My wife is the greatest gift I have ever had, but even she comes with “struggles”… I know I am perfect and bring her no grief, struggles or frustrations… I am perfect! Or am I blind?

I have had my struggles in life and some folks may still refer to me as a struggle for them (what? me??). Why does it seem the most demanding relationships are the ones we value the most? The hardest  relationships are the ones we seem to never give up on.. and never quit?

I noticed many years ago that we all have a tendency to view our actions from a perspective of our own intent, yet we seem to view others’ intent by their actions… What does this look like played out in a relationship? Let’s dive into this frustration today, head long and eyes wide shut.

Today we are going to name our characters Jim and Jane. 

Jim walks in and declares “Can someone please stop putting the dogs outside every time I need to get something done? Can’t you just watch them for a minute?”

Jim is assuming the dogs are put outside (Jane’s action) to make Jane’s life easier (Jane’s intent)…  

Jane puts the dogs outside (Jane’s action) to watch how the dogs love to be with Jim during the chores (Jane’s intent)… 

Jim judged her intent from her action.

Jane judged her actions on her intent.

We can easily switch everything, Names, scenarios, intents and actions… But what do we see? The person making the actions will nearly always measure the outcome by intent and the person experiencing the others actions will nearly always measure intent of the actions based on how they experience the actions… How do we come to a common ground? How do we “JUDGE RIGHTLY”

It’s even more complicated when we experience things multiple times, and see common outcomes based on our preconceptions. Is one better than the other? Maybe.. Maybe not… the important thing for Jim is to try to see it from her perspective and remembering that Jane is not his enemy… or maybe she is his enemy and she is not a faithful partner? Do we always give the benefit of the doubt? Should we assume the worst? Should we not care? 

All these outcomes are hard to navigate, and harder to discern! I used to trust everyone, But my naivete has caught up to my reality and I am now a person that doesn’t trust others until they prove otherwise. There was a long time I believed the opposite, I believed that if somebody wasn’t happy in a situation, they would go talk to the other person and “clear the air”. 

When I married Jess in 2015, I was a person of total distrust, I trusted nobody and never gave people a chance to prove otherwise… she has melted that cold hard heart. Now with God & Jess’s help, I can trust again…

I think about the journey I have been on and How God has sustained me, and how I have turned my back on God many times to trust myself rather than trusting in God…. What a long road.

I have found God is able to rightly judge me, my actions, my intent and that of others in my life. This has lifted a great burden from my shoulders. Much like “Pilgrim” from the John Bunyan book “Pilgrim’s Progress”. The amazing thing is like the John who penned the book of Revelation, this John was also in prison when he penned his book. 

If these men (and many others) can find joy, hope and trust in prison, we can find trust in our homes.

Today, assume the person’s actions that caused you adversity were from a place of purely good intent. Assume the person is your friend and is looking for the best for you. Assume your actions can be misinterpreted as the other person experiences the fall out of your actions. Remember, only God can rightly see all that is in a person’s heart, but if our default is to assume our closest relationships are people that only want what’s best for us, we will all be happier, live longer and be deeper in love… 

May the Lord our God teach you to trust.

Charlie

TRIGGER WARNING! 

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Imagine it’s November 23rd the Vikes win over the Lions 44-38! Or maybe the 2021 Bucks suffered a come-back of the Celtics? Or a Monday night in 2003 when Indianapolis was at Tampa Bay with just over 5 minutes left and Peyton returned the ball on a 29 yard interception! …

Every Monday Night I would prepare for the game by picking up a case of Michelob Golden Draft, a bag of chips & dip, or cooking a tasty sausage & cheese dip or perhaps a deep fried turkey… I would spend hours in delightful anticipation of this event. I never missed a Monday night football game, or a 7th inning stretch…

or that long awaited Minnesota North Stars hat trick making #14 for my man Dino Ciccarelli!

I could never understand why they would schedule holidays on game days. Why wouldn’t they just move the holidays so we can watch the game without any competitions for my attention?

Or maybe it was different for you? Maybe you stopped off at the bar after work to unwind and have a beer after driving your garbage truck through the alleys of Minneapolis only to realize… that beer lasted 8 hours…

Maybe you just wanted peace, calm, rest… maybe your mind was racing so fast and the world had expectations you could never achieve, make more money, complete a DIY project, fix the things your kids broke today, mow that lawn and don’t forget, it’s Christmas day tomorrow… Tomorrow? Game day? Wow, that week went fast..

Years later I asked myself a simple question: “What is your favorite memory of growing up?” the answer may surprise you… It didn’t involve any millionaire sports hero, it didn’t involve my favorite sports announcer and it certainly wasn’t watching public dollars getting poured into reinflation of a dome. If I had to pick just one memory that I can look back on and say “that memory, right there!” I would have to say it was probably climbing the old red maple tree in our backyard,

hiding from the hell I knew as reality… It was one of the few places in my life that no one could get to me, I always climbed higher and became more invisible in the big red leaves and strength of the diagonal branches.

It’s kind of ironic that I worked so hard to be unseen. It didn’t matter if I was home or at school, I drew the undesired attention of those who sought to hurt me. You can only stay out of the spotlight when you have no value… value? Yes, value! To those that bully you because you make an easy target. To those that exploit you because  you are productive. To those that profit from you because your brain works faster at troubleshooting. Literally, anything including “tearing you down because they are trying to puff up themselves”. I had a lot of “value” over my life, just not the way I would have liked to be valued. So how does this tie into sports?

If you are a sports fan, you may want to stop reading this post now and wait for my next post as you may never want to talk to me again, if you continue to read.

2005, “Love boat, sex party” on Lake Minnetonka, seventeen Vikings… in plain sight of minors.

2001 Moss pushes meter maid with car.

COUNTLESS DWI’s

Drugs, Felony Drugs, even selling drugs!

2000-2013 the MN Vikings tied a new record with the Bengals for the top number of NFL players to be arrested… hitting 40

MLB collusion scandals to restrain players salaries.

Cocaine.

Steroids.

Biogenesis scandal.

“Sign stealing” (just another way of cheating)

1994-95 strike because a million dollars isn’t enough…

2018 IIHF World Junior Championship. Ends with  5 players arrested for SA

New York Rangers felony drug possession of crack cocaine.

The list goes on for what seems forever, with high end lawyers buying down charges and turning felonies into misdemeanors for the high value players. Excuses like “You just don’t know the stress these players are under” or “Well, Boys will be Boys, But they sure play a good game…”

I’m not here to say stop watching the game, I certainly understand there are excellent players that love the game and can be good mentors. I’m not here to “FLIP” your opinion… I just wanted to say, I believe there are better venues to find mentors for our future men in this world than to look at professional sports where “self exaltation” is demanded and “glory to self” is highly sought after.

I turned my back on sports many years ago. I have been insulted and called many cruel names by my “Friends” for not watching sports. Family inferring I am not much of a man because I don’t watch sports… I have heard it all… one of my favorites “Stop being such a prude! It’s just a fun game for entertainment”  

Well, It may be just a game, but it may be a bigger problem? I have seen families skip church all summer so as to not miss the baseball game in town. I have seen Men destroy their families because Monday night football with the guys is more important than that night of sledding with the kids. I have seen wives cry over the decision to watch the world series rather than spend their anniversary focusing on the marriage. I have witnessed so much pain, caused by men when they put “PRO-SPORTS” first. 

Here are a few things you should NEVER hear, but I would not be surprised if I did: 

On the way to an open heart surgery: “We need to hurry, the game is starting in a few hours!”

On the death bed: “Ohh how I wish I had spent less time with my grandkids so I could see more games”

“If only I hadn’t wasted my time helping my children, I could have been holding a beer and watching the game!”

“I think watching a bunch of criminals toss a pig skin is more valuable to me than living a decent life of helping the less fortunate overcome life challenges”

I’m not trying to paint a picture of only the “bad”, but I do want to put into perspective the value of sports in life, I am certainly not trying to insult or belittle anyone… I only want to pen my reasons for my radical change in life, how I came to this conclusion and to turn my back on sports…

I personally would rather spend time with those I love and those who need help rather than watch a game that will be forgotten and has no future value. But maybe I am the odd duck out.

  • A survey of 370 American men and women found that the most common regrets were related to relationships with people in their lives. 

Surprised? I couldn’t find anyone say they regret spending time with family and not watching sports…

I don’t think anyone has ever said, “I wish I had watched more millionaires complain about how they deserve more money.” or “I wish I had watched more games that have no value in life aside from making rich people richer and poor people drink more beer!”

So, now that you have my opinion as to why I stopped watching the game & why I don’t think the game should be so highly valued in men’s lives, I leave you with one more thought…

Have you ever jumped up and shown excitement over that touchdown? 

Have you ever been disappointed with the Twins at the end of the world series?

Do you think those things are more important than your salvation? Your kids’ salvation? Or even a stranger’s last meal? Is the game really something to invest more emotional energy into than the fact that God has provided a way to live, with Him, for eternity?

 Don’t get me wrong, I’m not saying to not “watch” the game today, I’m only saying…. It’s not the most important thing happening today… pick up that phone and call that person that only wants to be remembered, that person that is sitting in the living room and wonders if anyone cares…

maybe, just maybe, go watch the game with them, and let them know how important they actually are.

Take that game in! Keep an eternal perspective! Don’t put the game first, put the people in your life first and the game in its rightful place. 

Serving with Joy, Charlie.