Living Hazzardously

Little pieces of our journey with Jesus

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Do you trust me?

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“Do you trust me?” The little girl looked into her fathers eyes and replied, “Yes daddy, I trust you!” She stood on the edge of the pool looking into the deep water, then back into her fathers eyes and jumped.

She walked down the aisle with her father leading her as she clung to his arm, just moments before he looked into her eyes and told her “He is a good man, I have no doubt he will provide, protect and honor you.” she settled into her high heels and said, “Thank you daddy, you have always been there, I trust your judgement! Now I need to trust another man, and your guidance over the years has been so valuable, thank you daddy!”

How does a woman trust a man? How does a man trust a woman? Why is trust so important? If I do something to lose that trust, can I ever earn it back? Should I even care? Should I just “LIVE AND LET LIVE?”

I guess the first question should be: What is trust?” 

Dr Google says this: 

Trust is the belief in the reliability, goodness, honesty, and effectiveness of someone or something, often leading to vulnerability and reliance on that person or thing. 

I have talked to many a man who have trust in their wives and I have talked to some that have been betrayed… 

Dante’s inferno describes hell as having 9 circles, it’s not a Christian perspective but rather a poet’s description of layers of hell, the 9th circle being the most evil of them all. The 9th circle is:

Treachery

– The deepest and coldest (or perhaps the hottest) part of Hell, where those who betrayed their masters, friends, or family are frozen in ice.

Treachery… betrayal of trust; deceptive action… Betrayal, deceit…  I think everyone who has experienced this pain knows… It is a unique act of violating trust, loyalty and bonding…Often causing significant harm and emotional distress.

Betrayal comes in many forms, levels and degrees, all are significant but some are just debilitating… I have been told about betrayal that put a person into bed for days, weeks and even months, crying great tears of sorrow, sorrow so deep that even breathing becomes a struggle, thinking becomes pain and everyday chores can not be managed… betrayal, such a simple word that cuts to the bone, separates flesh and joints and make a person unable to continue living, perhaps in the literal sense at times but certainly life as a “zombie” would be a reasonable description… The Walking Dead!

I know recovery is slow and sometimes it is never recovered from, I know of some folks that are hurt so badly, they have decided to never take a chance in love, never allow a person to get that close again… barriers so trust can be guarded. And yet others do give in to “love” and are burnt again… yet there is the one in a thousand that opens to love and finds truth, love and healing, this is a true rarity, but it does actually happen. 

I remember  these words “It is better to have loved and lost than to have never loved at all” 

Love seems to be at the heart of trust, and trust seems to be the very core of love. But reality is, you can love without trust, Jesus has done this for us. 

Jess and I got to experience how we can “love a person” and not “trust a person” at Sam’s Place, betrayal is not a prerequisite to loving, loving a person requires God’s divine intervention to allow you to love a person that you know will betray you, and when they do, to keep loving them… but trust is part of relationship, relationships dissolve without trust, without loyalty. But love? As a Christian, LOVE MUST ENDURE. Agape Love: the love you can not earn and also you can not lose based on merit… it can only be given by choice. 

Find someone to love today, and expect nothing good in return, 

Like Jesus did… it’s not easy, it’s just GOOD!

Charlie

Is Youth wasted on the young?

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The years pass by like a tornado, and the days pass by like winter changing to summer,  inside my brain, time shifts and blurs, as if the clock master is playing a game.

I heard a commentator referring to generation Z as having figured out the wisdom in making good life choices… referring to:

  • Drinking alcohol is at an all time low
  • As many as ⅓ of Gen Z not drinking at all
  • Teen pregnancy is way down
  • Food choices are far more healthy
  • Overeating is way down in this generation

The list goes on… is this generation displaying great insight and extraordinary wisdom? 

I was at a customer’s house this week, he is older than I am and has been caring for his wife for years as her memory slips away, I watched as he too is starting his own new struggles in life and things become harder to accomplish, harder to process and harder to just live the day to day stuff… does this man have extraordinary wisdom and insight?

One of our boys came to visit this weekend. I watched as he poured all his strength into turning a nut off the ball hitch protruding from his truck, a strong man, a man who became a dedicated father and devoted husband. I saw strength, I saw courage, I saw motivation, self sacrifice and a willingness to provide for his family at all costs, even to the point of giving his own life to make his family strong.

I saw myself, or should I say, I saw who I was.

Today I looked and saw a man in the mirror I no longer recognize, he has gray in his beard and shiny spots on his head that was once covered with hair that resembled Eddy VanHalen.

I saw a man with fibromyalgia, a condition brought on by years of trauma and survival. I saw a man in the mirror that used to jump and run but now he creaks and cracks. I saw a man that pulled himself up from the floor after retrieving a pen but once pulled engines with only a rope and good balance. I saw years, I saw tears, I saw pain… I saw joy.

Yesterday we had our family devotion time, via ZOOM , we talked about judgement, mercy and grace. In retrospect, we talked about generations. How can generations be so different and still have the same struggles as when time began? Youthful bliss, family dedication, desperate departures, sunsets loneliness… no escaping the seasons of change, but so much difference from generation to generation. The same but different… I remember back to my Friendship church days when our director of the Christmas play would remind us to “Always maintain a ridgid state of flexibility” (wise words Criss) That statement carries the words of truth to all corners of the earth and yet this falls on deaf ears as every generations strives to make its own unique and indelible mark on the pages of history. 

Back to Gen Z, a unique generation and definitely a generation of indelible markings… making wise choices? Thriving? Or surviving? What an interesting and honest observation of better choices or maybe it’s actually a deep moaning cry? The deepest guttural utterances… could it actually be the lack of human interactions? Back when I drank, it was mostly to gain a social advantage and starting point of relationships. How about lowered teen pregnancy? Is it because fewer people flirt and date anymore? Not enjoying a meal together could be why overeating is less prominent? Is this thriving? Surviving? Or is this not even living? All great questions, I claim no great insight, I claim no words that can answer these questions… I am simply asking…

Back to my customer, for a moment. This older man is young, in his heart, he knows what to do and how to do it. He has a vast array of tools and equipment at his fingertips, but he is no longer capable of swinging from tree to tree like he did as a young Tarzan.

In my mind?… I am still that youthful fool that went to the bar on a Friday night with a full bank account, only to arrive the very next day with only 2 nickels left for gas that week… If only I could have my youth filled days back, if I knew the pain I would endure now, I would have certainly been wiser, or would I? 

Yes my sons, youth is truly wasted on the young, so today I challenge you to be wise with your youth, learn from the countless fools that go before you, learn from those that have been on your path, we may be an “old fuddy duddy” in your eyes, but there is a day that is only a few minutes away that you too shall look into the mirror and see a stranger staring back at you. An old “fuddy duddy” with gray in his beard, shiny spots on his head and a pain in every joint that now cracks and creaks with every movement. 

Blessings on my customer, a dear friend of mine, a mentor, a good man that has new struggles in this chapter of life, God knows your challenges as well as mine and he is always ready to take our burdens, as long as we don’t refuse His help.

The youth I had was never truly wasted until I saw the man in the mirror that missed out on relationships that should have been. Charlie.

Sign-us or sinus

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This week started well and ended in a trip to the doctor.

Finally I am the center of attention!

Jess has her broken wrist, Al had his Pneumonia and finally I get to have a major sinus infection…

When I get a sinus infection it’s not just a headache, it’s not just an aversion to light, it’s not just a runny nose… nope, for me a sinus infection is laying there moaning in pain, covering my eyes with two layers of towels to block all light from entering my eyes, its a nose so raw that I start to think I have no more skin left to dab at… 

Maybe I am just a big baby?

Lets measure my pain tolerance?

When Al smashed my ring finger with an eight pound maul, I did lay down and hold my hand exclaiming great pain but never swore or shed a tear, so maybe that’s just coincidence… 

When I got a sliver that went in one side of my finger and out the other, passing by the bone which deflected the trajectory of the sliver. I looked, I saw and I said “ wow, that’s a big one!”

Or perhaps the proof of me being a big baby is when I got carpal tunnel surgery on both hands and orthoscopic surgery on my knee, on the same day so my recovery time would overlap. But a week later I was in the BWCAW, and got covid…still had a decent time.

Ya, I’m a whiner I guess. But I sure don’t remember the  “sign-up for sinus”

I was doing the math today and calculating how much time I’ve been set back because of my shifting responsibilities as a caregiver and now? I’ve lost four days to a sinus infection, and that’s not even the time it takes to catch up. did you know my pigs don’t give an OINK about how I feel, I still need water and feed them every day. Do you also know the chicks don’t give a cluck about my responsibilities elsewhere, they still need clean water and lots of grains… Minus 20F simply adds to the challenges, I don’t get to “wait until its warmer out” I just dress like I live in Siberia and fill the water, break the ice and wrestle with doors that are frozen shut… it’s all part of the beauty of our life. 

All this to say “I wouldn’t trade this life for any other”. I am blessed and I am tired. My life is full and not boring. We are serving and finding value. Life is most complete when you have someone that depends on you, for something. Finding value in serving others is one of the greatest gifts God gives us. I don’t regret how little time I have to do “nothing”, because the fact is, I have plenty of time to do what I like to do. Life will continue to wane on, and I will become less able to provide, and serve others, perhaps I can fish more, visit more and talk to those in need, even if it’s  just a little bit more, each day. 

A sinus infection may slow me down for a season, and give me time to think about things I would normally not give a single “OINK” about. 

A broken wrist may help me appreciate the laundry chores that I normally take for granted, or finding satisfaction in cleaning the stove.

Pneumonia may give me a new appreciation and perspective for caregiving.

But God is the one that gives purpose, value and worth to life at every level. 

Find someone today that needs a little attention, a little help, a little care, be someone like Jesus today to someone that needs a bit of Jesus’ love. 

Enjoying the melting but missing the snowshoeing, Charlie