Why I am always the perfect one!

I remember a man who assumed he knew what I was saying, but he didn’t. In fact he believed my intentions were very bad. He felt attacked, personally attacked and never once did he ask qualifying questions until the end of the conversation. But, I was done! I regained control of the conversation and tried to make it very clear that he was assuming the wrong intent… By then, the conversation went from a civil dialogue to outright hostility.

I’ve noticed that my communication style seems to spawn this reaction too often… yet I honestly believe I assume the best of a person until they have proven the opposite. So, I guess I am the perfect one!

Why is it this way? When I talk to customers, I seem to do very well. I communicate clearly, informatively, and completely. I seldom have a hostile situation with customers, strangers and business… BUT, personal life is very different many times. I can only assume that the way I talk to those in the “inner” circle is different? Or do we make assumptions in the way we receive information from our closer friends? 

This got me thinking. Do we find grace as people get closer or do we increase our expectations of being talked to in a particular manner? Do we automatically determine the closer we are the more offensive a person should be to us? 

“HOW DARE YOU SPEAK PLAINLY TO ME! I WILL NOW ASSUME YOU ARE MY ENEMY, AND FURTHERMORE, YOU ARE NOW TRYING TO START A FIGHT WITH ME… FROM NOW ON, YOU WILL BE TALKING TO ME WITH HIDDEN MEANINGS AND EVERYTHING YOU SAY IS NOW A HORRIBLE ATTACK ON MY VERY EXISTENCE”

What an odd scenario, I must find a way to talk to those I care about in a way that is not offensive yet plainly spoken when I see a stronghold on those I care for… Jesus said something about this:

Mark 6:4 Jesus said to them, “A prophet is not without honor except in his hometown and among his own relatives and in his own household.”

Could Jesus define this phenomena? I believe he wrote this for a specific reason, he wanted us to know that those who know you the best, tolerate you the least… How odd! You prove for years you have good intentions, always and still, and yet your intent is now assumed to be that of an enemy. 

Don’t get me wrong, I too judge others intentions by the words. Yet as for myself, I am perfect, so I judge my words by my intentions.….. My intentions are always measured by myself, your intentions are also measured by me.. I can perfectly measure my intentions every time, so obviously that makes us experts on measuring everyone else’s intentions as well… 

My message for you today is to start assuming the best in others and when you start to feel like someone close is “attacking” or perhaps “criticizing” you, stop, take a good look, seek first to understand and then to be understood.

James 1:19 You know this, my beloved brothers and sisters. Now everyone must be quick to hear, slow to speak, and slow to anger;

Proverbs 18:13 One who gives an answer before he hears,
It is foolishness and shame to him.

Generally, ask this before you assume and become angered “This person I am talking to, are they my friend, do I trust they care about me? Are they invested in my life? Am I trying to just pick a fight because I don’t like what they are saying? Am I just being a snowflake? And lastly…. Is the person I am talking to from Generation X, because if they are, they probably don’t do the following:

• Talking in circles means repeating the same point without making progress or getting to the core issue.
• Beating around the bush means avoiding the main topic or being evasive, often due to discomfort or fear of directness. 

And they likely communicate within the following parameters:

• Concise and clear: They get to the point efficiently and avoid unnecessary words or details.
• Direct: They address the issue at hand directly and honestly.
• Forthright: They express their ideas or needs openly and candidly.
• Frank: They are open and honest in their communication.
• To the point: They focus on the essential information rather than tangents. 

In essence, these individuals value efficiency, clarity, and directness in their communication. 

Please don’t become offended, but rather value frankness and assume the best of intentions. The person you are talking to is likely very passionate and cares deeply, otherwise, they won’t waste time talking to you.

And if you are like me, stop being so “efficient” these are people not computer programs you are talking to… FEELINGS MATTER, at least to them. 

As always, God Bless, C.