How does a man go from being the “everything” to just a “once in a while”?
I was reflecting during my solo trip to meet my newest grand, Sadie Mae. 14.5 hours of high speed driving, food stops, bathroom breaks and naps in the car to make a total trip of around 24 hours. I had just spent most of the previous two weeks alone, Jess was out west helping, so I had a lot of thinking time… Becoming a grandparent is an interesting procedure.
When the boys were born, I had one job, one task, one goal. I gave my life to my family, not perfectly and for sure I made some wrong turns and bad choices but this job of family man took over every angle, every perspective and certainly every choice in life. It is hard to die to self and give 100% of my life to the care and concern of these three boys (and one day it became 5) plus a wife. As a child I never had a positive role model or a consistent guide of how or what to do, or so I thought! The LORD tried to guide me but like any rebellious child, I rejected the one who cares the most for me and I did what I thought was best for me…. What a fool I was!
Today I see these boys enter the freeway called “family man”… wait, aren’t they these little babies that I held and protected? Did they not make my entire identity? Did they not depend on me for everything? I gave everything I had, my will, my money, my time… my life was sacrificed for them, I gave them all I had… was it enough? Did I give them enough? Are they ready? Can I give more? They are my legacy. All I have left to give is space, freedom and an occasional hug, surrendering to the hope they have learned what I taught them and picked up along the way, those things I failed to teach them. Now I stand watching from afar off land to see the sons I raised lead their own families, without me holding their hand, picking them up or turning them away from bad choices. YES, I’m in that “last chapter” the “last stage” of fatherhood. The boys are finally entering the path that I entered in 1992… 20 years, no wait 32 years ago…. Goodness the years fly by so fast and all we have left are the long hours.
It’s not easy, but it’s worth it! I think of God these days, how HE must feel watching us all reject his wisdom and guidance, how he must think “I know the plans I have for you”. When I was younger as a daddy, I remember how my boys looked at me and how the dependance on the father wanes from one chapter to the next and eventually, like my father, our days stop being numbered and we long to hear the words of our father say “ Well done, good and faithful servant…”
Sophia called me grandpa, my heart melted and I thought… “Baby girl, you can have anything you want…” how much more does God long to hear the words “DADDY? I love you!”
God bless you on this FOGGY morning.
Charlie