Two Faced Jerk.
One evening while trolling the neighborhood, he met up with a beautiful woman. He figured out she was married to a dear friend of his, but they didn’t care. They figured out a plan to sleep with each other, and she got pregnant. Then things went south!
In the Old Testament there lies a story of Nathan the profit, a profit of God. In this book is a story of a King, in particular, a story of the great king David (A man after God’s own heart). When Nathan the prophet confronted king David, he told a parable, and in doing so, the king felt convicted of his crimes. The King was rich, had multiple wives, lacking nothing in life and yet he lusted after just one more woman. The great king David set up the sneaky situation to have an affair with the poor man’s wife. In his attempt to cover his tracks, he killed that man and lived happily ever after. Well, Not exactly, he did take another man’s wife, this poor man’s only wife. This man who trusted and believed in the KING… This loyal man was great in character and more loyal than most men, (by a long shot). A true loyalist! A dedicated commander of the king’s troops! This poor man was actually rich beyond measure, he found a woman to love, a wife to protect and had a purpose in his life, service to his king. This man was murdered by the King. His wife and his king took advantage of his dedication and loyalty.
Can you relate to this man? Because I can relate to both this man and the king. I too have sinned against this man and I have been sinned against by the king.
I know of a few people I should probably offer an apology. Yet far too often I only think about those “metaphorical Kings” that violated my trust to achieve personal gain at my loss. But as I continue to accumulate the years that temper my personality and mold me into the “Two Faced Jerk” I am inside, I need to do a couple things that are so very hard and sometimes so overwhelming that I can barely breath. First is to seek forgiveness from those I have wronged, because after all, I deserve forgiveness! Right? I’m a good person and I am not the same person I was, so I should be forgiven!! I was watching a video of a man receiving a sentence by a judge today, he plead his case and told how he is “A CHANGED MAN” just moments before he leaped over the judge’s bench and tried his best to perhaps kill the judge but for sure to at least cause great bodily harm… because he is “changed” … I am that man, I plead my case to the judge and demand the judge see my good intentions rather than the crimes I have committed. As my trial continues, I declare how unforgiving it would be to not show mercy to me, because I deserve mercy. I am on trial for what I did, not for my intentions.
Alex and Miranda were “record shopping” the other day with Jess and I. I thought of this great term that’s been used for decades “The Flip Side” Yes, the flip side is just that, “flip over the record”. And of course, the flip side in this post is me forgiving rather than demanding unmerited mercy and forgiveness. Do I forgive as easily as I demand to be forgiven? I THINK NOT! I mean, after all, I deserve forgiveness way more than that rotten jerk that “intentionally” did me wrong should be forgiven. I can clearly see the “intentions” of the person that hurt me! Or can I? And really, does it even matter? It’s like “drinking poison” to punish a person for doing me wrong. Don’t get me wrong, I’m not advocating to overlook the good and true judgment of a crime and the consequences that should surely follow. But do I continue to punish myself for what another person did to me? Certainly, this is a consideration I should bring to the attention of the self-appointed jury… The self-appointed judge… and the self-appointed EXECUTIONER!! Just drink that poison to punish that person!! Just drink, drink, DRINK!!!! Or maybe, I can release my anger, hatred and well deserved right to retribution? Giving myself freedom from the prison I built around myself, learning from the past and moving on, because the past is exactly what it is, the past, and the past cannot be undone! Set down that poison, it’s time to forgive!
I am finally FREE! I have forgiven and I have been forgiven! GOOD! All done. But yet here I am, feeling guilt, having nightmares of being caught in my crimes. And that feeling!! That feeling that can only be described as “yuk” … What is this? Why? Could it be that I won’t even forgive myself? Heck no! How can I forgive myself for all the wrongs I have done? I mean, so what if God forgave me from an eternity past! How can I forgive myself? I KNOW HOW GUILTY I REALLY AM!!! And yet, the creator of the universe has set apart a corner of the “universe of forgiveness”, just for me. Carved out just for me, he can, he did, and I won’t?
I’ve found in life it’s easier to be given forgiveness, difficult to give forgiveness and the hardest thing is to forgive myself or to accept my own forgiveness. And so, I stop smiling, I rob myself of joy and feel sorry for myself, perhaps I medicate myself with pity, drugs, beer or with self-loathing and other self-destructive behaviors.
Is there any hope? Is there anything to smile about? Where is my joy? In first Peter it says “Though you have not seen him, you love him, and even though you do not see him now, you believe in him and are filled with an inexpressible and glorious joy” and in Romans it says “May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace as you trust in him, so that you may overflow with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit”
JOY? How do I find joy? Joy comes from the hope we have in God, the peace that comes from God. You can and You will overflow with joy by faith through the power of the Holy Spirit. Joy comes from God, not man!
Charlie Hazzard
