Living Hazzardously

Little pieces of our journey with Jesus

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Camp stoves and laundromats

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We are working harder than ever to meet our goals! But new challenges arise and resources get stretched, we trust you God!

So, do I spend more money than I have ever spent before on a truck? It’s hard for me to spend money on cars. It’s because the money is just gone! The return on investment is always a negative investment. It’s not like “updating a house” where you get equity that offsets expense. With a car, it’s always more money, But in this day and age, it’s a “necessity”. We have been looking at a truck that’s bold enough to get through the deepest of snow, provide protection from collision with deer (it’s a real threat up here) haul people & cargo, use for work and dependablity for travel.  We have a car, it’s high on miles, but it’s in decent shape(although it’s windshield is below the center mass of the tremendous number of deer we see every evening on the roads). We also have an old truck that’s proven its value. But I need something better for Jess to drive safely on these roads. We need the seating for 6 with ease of loading (third row seating is just not an option) durability in case of deer collision, ability to use it for work, hauling and such. So I looked for days, weeks! Me, Jess, Misti, KJ and Jacob…. we found one in Montana that fits the task. It’s older, it’s powerful, it’s four doors, seats 6, 4wd…. everything but it’s a manual transmission. Jess has agreed to learn to drive a stick! (she is a trooper) but now? I need to spend money! (This type of Truck is not cheap) so, buy the truck and put off a few other things? It’s all about decisions, prayer is my only resource needed, so, here’s what we do, we ask you to also pray for us. Please pray for these many decisions each day that we are wise and God centered!

Btw, this Saturday I get to install flooring in the living room and our bedroom…,finally! That’s right, Jess and I will soon be moving into our bedroom and have a living room! Kitchen cabinets are half installed and walls are painted and we still have so much to do! But, we have a stove, microwave and a refrigerator, it’s tough cooking on a camp stove. My bride is an amazing woman and she has put up with so much during this first phase. Ohh, did I mention? We also have a washer and dryer now(although it’s just cold water hooked up and it’s in the garage for the summer) but no more laundromat. God is good!

Distance makes the heart grow fonder

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I’ve been told distance can help a realationship grow deeper. I believe sometimes that can be true. But truth be told, it’s hard to be apart from the one who you call “best friend”

 

Jess and Al, Mom and Son, living in the north, with all its wonder and beautiful majesty. But today I miss them (I miss them everyday) I try not to think about it but rather keep my mind busy with my job, chores and an evening sit with friends. My heart is up there! My mind wanders around looking for occupation! I have a countdown for that last day down here, I make plans in my head and constantly reprioritize my future projects. Today I received a blessing from a great guy, he gave me the transite I borrowed last year when I was working in the yard in Chan, I have a huge need for this tool upnorth and now it’s one less thing to “plan”.

Gods blessings keep pouring in and we are so grateful for all and any help we get. Kj and Misti are a major blessing as well, they do so much for us and ask for nothing but friendship in return! How can we not find gratitude when we are so blessed? And yet, discontent still has a foothold as I “want” so much to be where my wife is.

This weekend is a work weekend in Chanhassen for me, it’s my last time to be “on-call” and my plans are to move dirt, prepare the yard for a fire pit and soften hills so a mower can manicure the weeds that are sure to follow. Jacob is headed up with a load of bicycles and give Jess a chance to escape into a world of adult women at a “women’s church event” it’s not much, but it’s all I can do for now.

Ive made that drive so many times,  it seems to be like a drive to the store now. My two oldest sons will be visiting soon, the first time they will see the new place that we will be calling home, my blessings are abundant and knowing you are in prayer makes things so much easier.

Genesus 1:1 starts with “in the beginning, GOD…” and I’m reminded that without GOD, there really can be no “beginnings”

btw, anyone have a tiller? Tractor? Any thing to help us start a garden? Lol, God will provide in HIS timing, I trust in HIM.

Letting Go

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Long before I became a follower of Jesus, I started going on a yearly serenity retreat weekend at the Franciscan Retreat House in Prior Lake, Minnesota.  The retreats were open to anyone in AA/Al-Anon and although a Catholic mass was held on Sunday morning, attendance was completely optional and there was no faith requirement.

I loved the retreats.  Father Howard or other guest speakers would teach lessons on the 12 Steps from the AA Big Book and we would break into small groups and sit in circles throughout the halls and library of the musty retreat house and talk about our hurts and struggles with complete strangers.  There was something mystical to me about the retreat house that at the time captivated me.  The candles, the quiet, the long, underground hallway with the Stations of the Cross, the secret statues hidden along the path in the woods, and the benches scattered all about the grounds were to me symbols of the peace I felt at this place of rest.  I understood nothing about the Catholic faith or the true meaning of the stations and statues, but I felt at peace in the rooms and on the grounds.  This is where I first started to pray and journal and listen for the voice of God. A God that I didn’t yet know, but that I felt drawn to all the same.

Can you recall a time in your life when you heard God’s voice so clearly, that there was no denying it was God?  I have had a few of those God moments, and the first occurred at one of these serenity retreats.  My son, Al, had just been diagnosed with autism and I was struggling with the shock, fear, guilt and confusion that comes with the diagnosis of disability. Al was my first child, and we didn’t pick up on the signs right away.  In fact, Al was five years old before he was diagnosed with autism.  I felt tremendous guilt over not recognizing the signs and ignoring them once they became evident.  I now know that I was in denial.  I wanted to believe that it was nothing.  That he was just a little developmentally delayed. That he would catch up.  When I heard the word autism, I had no idea what it meant.  I spent night after night reading everything I could about it and what therapies or medications would fix it.  ABA, PT, OT, Speech, special diet, aquatic therapy, horse therapy, supplements, chelation…I was flooded with information and suggestions and completely overwhelmed.

As I sat among the circle of chairs in the little library at the retreat house, waiting for my turn to share, all of the fear and anxiety welled up inside of me like a geyser ready to erupt.  Suddenly, my attention was drawn to the woman who sat across from me.  She was sharing about her daughter who struggled with drug addiction.  The hurting mother had spent years trying to fix her, but God had recently spoken to her and told her, “I LOVE HER MORE THAN YOU DO.  LET HER GO.”

As she spoke, it was like the whole world went silent and the lights went out.  All I heard were those words in my head, and I knew at that very moment that God was speaking to me through that stranger.  I didn’t know her name then, and I still don’t today, but I know without a doubt that God used her to speak into my heart  that day.  God loves my son more than I do.  To some, that may seem so obvious, but I did not know God.  I did not know John 3:16 For God so loved the world, that he gave his only Son, that whoever believes in Him should not perish but have eternal life or 1 John 3:1 See what kind of love the Father has given to us, that we should be called children of God; and so we are.  But that day, God spoke to me and I knew that because He loved my son even more than I did, he would be okay.

It is hard to let go.  I can’t tell you how many times since that day, I have grasped onto the truth of those words.  I have had to remind myself time and time again that God loves my children more that I do and even though I want to protect them and fix them, I can’t.  I have to let them go to God and trust,  Trust that God is faithful and God is in control and that God works for those who wait for Him (Isaiah 64:4).

I was reminded of that today and thought maybe somebody else needed to hear it.