The invisible old mancub
I think a man becomes quiet as he ages for many reasons and perhaps the saddest reason is respect. When a man lives a passionate life and cares deeply for others, he may come across as “BIG” or “in your face” or “boisterous”, but maybe we misinterpret that energy for a bad thing like “controlling” or “obnoxious” or “rude”… have you ever thought maybe this man is passionate about you? That he wants the best for you? Or maybe he wants to “protect you from all the bad” in the world?
This morning I was reading about the three men in Colorado who gave their lives protecting the women they love in a movie theater… three men dead, three women alive! It doesn’t matter much what you think of these men, they are true heroes… dead yes, but to lay down your life for another is in fact the highest and most honorable thing a man can do!
I remember years ago having the “date talk” with each of my three boys, it went something like this:
Son: “Dad? Can I take this girl to the dance at school?”
Dad: “That’s a great question son…Who are you planning to take? And before I can give you my permission, I have a question for you! ”
Son: “Well her name is (fill in the name) and she already said yes! So I kinda have to take her now or I would hurt her feelings…!” (they always thought this appeal was a slam dunk, as I never allowed them to back out of their word)
Dad: “Are you ready to step in front of a gun? Get shot to save her from any harm? Even a little scratch?”
Son: dead silent….
What is it about men that they feel this need to protect others? What makes a man flop down on a live grenade to save those in the foxhole? What makes a man jump in front of a former president that was just shot at? Is he looking for eternal fame? Is he looking to get a paycheck? Is he looking to be a well known dead man?
I think the older a man gets, the more beat up he becomes, the more opportunity he sees to be disrespected and the more he wants to be “unknown”… Don’t be mistaken by the “silent man”, or a “quiet man” an “invisible man”! They are deadly and compassionate, dangerous, fierce… don’t be fooled either by your measurement of a quiet man, a man may look loud to you, but he may be silently ready to strike at the head of the serpent. (obviously this is generalizing, because but not all will protect)
A man experiences disrespect over time, it may be a wife, a child, a coworker, but don’t be fooled, a man will always gravitate to the area of respect, it’s what a man needs more than air or food or water… respect to a man is the literal life in his bones.
Old age shows him his own hypocrisy in life, as he accumulates knowledge of his hypocrisy, he learns to shun away from those things that generate disrespect…perhaps this is the all elusive wisdom we read about in the Bible? His “secrets”… his “Kryptonite”… He becomes a secret himself and tries to become invisible from those things that bring disrespect, hiding until death. Perhaps he now just “gets by” without truly facing the crimes of his past, perhaps even to his own destruction. Or perhaps he has come to peace with his past and is reaching into the void of conflict to find a contentment in a quiet existence… Calm… but sell this man not short of his potential, when he is needed, a real man will bite the head off the serpent that approached his family, he may die from the venom, but not until he is done protecting. The Lion in a “real man” may not go out roaring throughout the countryside, but he knows when, where and how to make his presence known, watch that man, he is dangerous.
