Living Hazzardously

Little pieces of our journey with Jesus

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A New Year

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For me, as for many others, the start of a new year is always a time of reflection. I look back at the previous year and think about all that happened, all that I did and all that I wished I had done. 2018 was a big year for us with many changes. It honestly went by like the blink of an eye and it was incredibly wonderful, filled with unbelievable blessings and many, many more highs than lows.  Charlie’s last blog post and our Christmas letter gave updates on all of our individual highlights of 2018.  It was an amazing year.

I want to reflect this new year on what I have learned through our journey of living hazzardously in 2018 and leaving the city for the country, the old for the new, the known for the unknown.  I believe that some thought we were crazy.  Others thought we were brave.  We knew that God was calling us up north.  We felt called to start an adult foster care home.  We felt called to serve the Lord in a new mission field ministering to families like ours.  Broken families dealing with blending and special needs and all that entails. We had no idea what that would look like, and we still don’t, but we trust God.

I have learned is that when I follow Jesus, He always lights the way and smooths my path, but sometimes I can only see ahead one step at a time.In Isaiah 42:16 (ESV), we learn that, “I (Jesus) will lead the blind in a way that they do not know, in paths that they have not known I will guide them. I will turn the darkness before them into light, the rough places into level ground. These are the things I do, and I do not forsake them.”   The bigger picture isn’t always clear, but I keep trusting and keep walking and God reveals more in His timing.  He never leaves me or forsakes me.

I have learned that less is more. As a person who spent far more time as a Martha than a Mary, I started 2018 exhausted by doing. Doing, doing, doing, going, going, going.  I spent so much time trying to do good things, trying to help others, trying to serve God, that I spent little time sitting quietly at the feet of Jesus and even less time sitting quietly and really listening to the people I loved.  It took moving into the middle of no where (30 minutes to the nearest town with a grocery store), where I knew no one, to force me to slow down and just be.  I can’t begin to put into words how much closer I have grown to my husband, my children, and my Lord Jesus Christ, by embracing the simple and slowing down.  I have learned that it is okay to just be home and that my calendar does not have to be filled with activities and appointments in order for me to be valuable.

I have learned that God provides. He really does.  I have experienced God’s provision many times in my life, but this year I can truly say that God’s provision has far exceeded my mustard seed faith.  We left our jobs in the Twin Cities and moved to a home that was in disrepair and had no appliances.  Our vehicles were in rough shape and we knew we would need of a tractor and other implements in order to plow and work the land.  We had to move our over abundance of combined belongings in multiple five hour trips.  God provided.  Precious friends and strangers came together to help us load our stuff, and two angels lent us a truck and came all the way up north to help us unload.  Charlie and Jacob were blessed with safe travels on many long, late night trips from the cities. We were gifted not one, not two, but three different vehicles in the last year, as well as two needed farm implements.  We had just enough money in savings to buy appliances and make the necessary home repairs.  God gave Charlie the boys the physical strength and dedication to work hard, day after day, around the farm.  Although not in our original plan, we have been able to establish an HVAC company up here in the north woods and jobs are already flooding in. We have truly experienced Philippians 4:19, “And my God will supply every need of yours according to his riches in glory in Christ Jesus.”

I write these reflections to share the hope, encouragement, strength and joy I find in my Lord and Savior Jesus Christ.  He is more than enough.

Our God is greater, our God is stronger, God you are higher than any other.
Our God is Healer, Awesome in Power, Our God! Our God!
Our God is greater, our God is stronger, God you are higher than any other.
Our God is Healer, Awesome in Power, Our God! Our God!
And if our God is for us, then who could ever stop us?
And if our God is with us, then what could stand against?
And if our God is for us, then who could ever stop us?
And if our God is with us, then what could stand against?
Then what could stand against?

“Our God” Chris Tomlin

 

Letting Go

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Long before I became a follower of Jesus, I started going on a yearly serenity retreat weekend at the Franciscan Retreat House in Prior Lake, Minnesota.  The retreats were open to anyone in AA/Al-Anon and although a Catholic mass was held on Sunday morning, attendance was completely optional and there was no faith requirement.

I loved the retreats.  Father Howard or other guest speakers would teach lessons on the 12 Steps from the AA Big Book and we would break into small groups and sit in circles throughout the halls and library of the musty retreat house and talk about our hurts and struggles with complete strangers.  There was something mystical to me about the retreat house that at the time captivated me.  The candles, the quiet, the long, underground hallway with the Stations of the Cross, the secret statues hidden along the path in the woods, and the benches scattered all about the grounds were to me symbols of the peace I felt at this place of rest.  I understood nothing about the Catholic faith or the true meaning of the stations and statues, but I felt at peace in the rooms and on the grounds.  This is where I first started to pray and journal and listen for the voice of God. A God that I didn’t yet know, but that I felt drawn to all the same.

Can you recall a time in your life when you heard God’s voice so clearly, that there was no denying it was God?  I have had a few of those God moments, and the first occurred at one of these serenity retreats.  My son, Al, had just been diagnosed with autism and I was struggling with the shock, fear, guilt and confusion that comes with the diagnosis of disability. Al was my first child, and we didn’t pick up on the signs right away.  In fact, Al was five years old before he was diagnosed with autism.  I felt tremendous guilt over not recognizing the signs and ignoring them once they became evident.  I now know that I was in denial.  I wanted to believe that it was nothing.  That he was just a little developmentally delayed. That he would catch up.  When I heard the word autism, I had no idea what it meant.  I spent night after night reading everything I could about it and what therapies or medications would fix it.  ABA, PT, OT, Speech, special diet, aquatic therapy, horse therapy, supplements, chelation…I was flooded with information and suggestions and completely overwhelmed.

As I sat among the circle of chairs in the little library at the retreat house, waiting for my turn to share, all of the fear and anxiety welled up inside of me like a geyser ready to erupt.  Suddenly, my attention was drawn to the woman who sat across from me.  She was sharing about her daughter who struggled with drug addiction.  The hurting mother had spent years trying to fix her, but God had recently spoken to her and told her, “I LOVE HER MORE THAN YOU DO.  LET HER GO.”

As she spoke, it was like the whole world went silent and the lights went out.  All I heard were those words in my head, and I knew at that very moment that God was speaking to me through that stranger.  I didn’t know her name then, and I still don’t today, but I know without a doubt that God used her to speak into my heart  that day.  God loves my son more than I do.  To some, that may seem so obvious, but I did not know God.  I did not know John 3:16 For God so loved the world, that he gave his only Son, that whoever believes in Him should not perish but have eternal life or 1 John 3:1 See what kind of love the Father has given to us, that we should be called children of God; and so we are.  But that day, God spoke to me and I knew that because He loved my son even more than I did, he would be okay.

It is hard to let go.  I can’t tell you how many times since that day, I have grasped onto the truth of those words.  I have had to remind myself time and time again that God loves my children more that I do and even though I want to protect them and fix them, I can’t.  I have to let them go to God and trust,  Trust that God is faithful and God is in control and that God works for those who wait for Him (Isaiah 64:4).

I was reminded of that today and thought maybe somebody else needed to hear it.

 

Settling In

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It has been almost a month since we started the Hazzardous Adventure.  Al and I are settling in nicely.  There is not a day that I don’t look around and marvel at the beauty of the land and the brightness of the stars and the almost eerie quiet.  There is nothing that I do not like about living on the edge of the wilderness, as this community is often referred to, except being so far from my hubby, family and friends. Charlie and Jacob are on their way home for the weekend right now and I can’t wait to hear them driving up the incredibly muddy and rutted driveway.

Updates of Hazzard Life – We are thankful that Jacob is recovered from Salmonella and back at school and work.  The antibiotics did the trick. I am anxious to hear more about his trip to Haiti and all that he learned and experienced.

Things have settled down for Sam.  He returned to school on Monday after meeting with the administration, and we are grateful that there have been no further incidents.  We received an outpouring of support from friends, family and even strangers and are so appreciative.

I am working on the second phase of paperwork for getting licensed to do adult foster care.  We are getting closer!  In the meantime, we are doing some updates on our home starting with the half story, which will eventually be our bedroom, office and half-bath.  New kitchen cabinets will be picked up this weekend, and I will be working on painting them next week.  Totally new experience for me, so if you have any tips, feel free to pass them along!

We would appreciate prayer for the licensing process to go smoothly and quickly.  We know that there is a person out there who is waiting for a new home, and we can’t wait to welcome him into our family.

Well, that is it for now.  Just a quick update.

God bless and much love!

Jess