I am sure you have seen the fate filled night, a loving embrace and the end of a career, marriage, family as we know it. If not, it may be valuable to understanding this blog by just taking a quick peek on the web, type in “Coldplay” and I am certain you will see the heartbreaking betrayal that “everyone is buzzing about”.
What is it that drives a person to such a level of betrayal? What motivates us humans to make a solemn promise, and then break it for a moment of personal satisfaction?
Jess and I sat at the table talking about another type of betrayal today… IGNORING, or better known as the silent treatment… The silent treatment is betrayal. It’s a form of manipulation and its distinctly different from “taking a break to gather your thoughts” … betrayal? Yes! It’s the intentional withholding of attention and acknowledgement of a human for the purpose of conforming that person to your own desires, will and intent… The cold treatment, silent treatment, cold shoulder, ignoring… This is how I am personally hurt the most deeply, most quickly and most reliably… and with my “big voice” and my “big personality” it is the most common form of rejection I experience… Now enter into my abandonment issues and it’s a perfect screen play. I have been living this drama my entire adult life… to me there is no way to hurt me more than to ignore me, it’s going deep into my trauma responses and the PTSD I live with everyday (the source of my Fibro).
Betrayal, Abandonment, Rejection, Exclusion… remember the kid that got picked last for the neighborhood football game? That kid was me… that kid was the kid whose father had never played ball with him, never brought him to a game, never bought him a football, basketball or a baseball… that kid that was me. I was only taught how to work, how to build a patio, building a terrace garden, Veggie-gardening, digging holes for fence posts. Being yelled at was pretty much the only attention I received from my father… I never got to see how to treat a wife, a child, a brother or how to be treated by a mother, I’m not looking for “OHH POOR CHARLIE” I’m simply saying that getting picked last, every time, for sports taught me to hate sports. It was just more rejection.
So I raised myself, I grew up basically feral, like many kids in Gen X, our parents had little or no time to teach us what their parents taught them. So we found substitutes, we found music, MTV, Walkman and parachute pants with a rat tail…. I hid from life, from my brother, from my sister and most certainly from the man I called dad… I know what rejection is, how it plays out and how easy it is to give it right back.
I am at a different point in my life now, one of patience, calmness and understanding, I am pretty sure I am a bit more “grown up” now but as I am now closer to 60 than 50 and my body hurts, my mind is foggy and life is forcing me into an easy chair. I fight to maintain my autonomy. I fight like millions before me to stay young, agile, alert and useful. I watch quietly as the generation before me ages out of this world and begins the geriatric journey to meet our maker.
As I enter the age of strokes, heart failure, broken hips and saying goodbye to those I have known my who life, I pause for a moment and recognize an old man unable to stand as the song he once belted out is performed by others and all Randy Travis can sing is the last word “AMEN”.
I watch Ozzy as he ascends from below the stage and is wheeled into position and the chair is locked into place. He grabs the microphone and is able to bellow in a voice that was once powerful for other reasons “MOMMA, I’M COMING HOME”. I grew up watching Ozzy perform all his crazy stunts, I saw Ozzy and I understood Ozzy, he performed songs that I could relate to, and now I can relate to this song, differently than ever before. Funny thing this life is, funny thing.
So back to the Coldplay concert, I see this performance by a man and woman. I see and feel the hurt they caused. Those who are left to struggle with this betrayal… Betrayal that can never be undone. It’s taken years for me to deal with the betrayal I felt on a crisp September morning. Today, It plays back in my head and I remember the betrayal I felt. I remember the pain of being the last kid picked for the neighborhood games. I remember striving to “fit in”. I think of our son Sam, as he too struggled to be accepted by his peers. I see those at Sam’s Place that struggle… This life is definitely a “hard knock life” . But if we start to give back, rather than always looking for ways to get more, we seem to do better, find more joy and most importantly, we don’t hurt the ones who love us most.
Betrayal isn’t about self fulfillment and joy, it’s about stealing that joy and destroying it, for what? A moment? A week? Two years of sneaking around? Destroying the life of a child, a spouse, a friend… I have learned so much and I feel like the more I learn, the more I need to learn. But there is one thing I can share, I have learned the hard way… be good to the ones you have today, because life without them in the future is only a memory of what you had and lost.
Momma, I’m coming home, one day, I will see you again, say hello to my sister, father and grands, aunts and uncles, friends and neighbors. I’m not sure who is waiting to be reunited with me, but it will be good to see them again.
As for the rumors and such surrounding “Cold play” I’ve laughed at many of the memes, reels and references, it’s ok to laugh, but in reality, I find it hard to not feel the pain this betrayal has caused.
Sing a new song to the Lord my friend, C.