How do I love thee, let me count the ways.
Love is such an awesome word, don’t you agree? What other word can we miss use so easily? I love my wife, I love my dog, I love fruit loops, I love my brother, I love my grandchild… and on and on we go, just loving anything. But how do I love my wife? Do I lay down my life for my wife the same way I do for a salmon dinner in a fine restaurant? Or if I have to choose between my granddaughter and my chickens, am I indifferent?
This morning, I sat at my table drinking coffee and thought about how much I love having a warm comfortable home. My beautiful wife walks in and says, “good morning, Hunny, I love you!” Does she think I am a warm comfortable house? Of course not, so what is it about the word “love” anyway? Well, I think it’s best described in the Greek language with three or maybe its four distinctly different words. Is it important to know the difference? Maybe not. We understand the difference because we can relate to the nuances of our simple language and how to apply each variation.
In Greek, (as I understand it, and I’m sure my interpretation is less perfect) the word for love is split into four: Agape, Philia, Eros and Storge.
Agape is a word for a pure and self-sacrificial love, the kind of love that is never affected by the subject of that love. In other words, you can in no way change the love that is given in “Agape”. Not in thought, word or deed. Agape is freely given, and your actions have no bearing on that love in any way. It is the highest form of love, and the deepest form of love. I really don’t have any other example than John 3:16 “For God so loved the world that he gave his only begotten son….” Loving his creation so much that he sacrificed his “SON” so we can be forgiven for our willful sin (no matter how small that sin may seem).
Philia, another word for love, is the root of the word “Philadelphia”. You may have guessed it, “The city of Brother love” is from this root word. It has been described as a deeper form of love than “casual love” and depends on sharing an origin with another person. It is also described as a “give and take love” as in “you scratch my back and I scratch your back”. It’s a love given and taken within a secure and trusted, deeper level of a relationship.
Eros, the word for sensual physical love, as in a sensual relationship between a husband and wife. We get the word “erotic” from this Greek word. This love can be described as the physical receiving of love. Eros can also be “joint receiving” of erotic love making. Eros is not one sided, the focus is more in the receiving rather than giving. Eros can only be taken in a sense, but all too often it will be taken solely in a selfish manner and little to no thought is given about the one it was taken from. It can be selfish & self-serving… In the right format, it can be beautiful, bonding and kind. In the wrong format, it will be ugly, hurtful and destructive to all those involved and spreads to others like cancer.
Storge is our last word for love and can be described as “family love” but I have heard it used as “an affection for or towards a thing”. In short, it can be used for “I love this neighborhood” or “I love french fries” and can even be part of the “love formula” I have for other things. I have always found this word to be the most criticized of these four Greek love words, but that doesn’t stop me from talking about it.
So, does it matter? If it doesn’t matter, why not and should it matter? If it does matter, how does it matter and what benefit is there to knowing all this? Maybe it’s just worthless gibberish and I should go wash my socks… I find this topic to be an unusually interesting topic as it helps me draw near to God, my bride, my sons and helps me to feel compassion for others. I find it helps me to understand how relationships are different but so valuable to my life.
By categorizing these different “loves” I have learned how to better apply them and even more how to appreciate them. How can I better love my bride? (don’t worry, this is a G rated blog) can I Agape her when I am grumpy? Can I Storge her when I am in pain? Can I Philia her when I feel alone? What needs to change to show her how I truly feel? What can I change so that I can see how she really feels? Now that I have that sorted out and now that my marriage is perfect, let’s move on to everyone else in the world… and eventually I will get around to that dog of mine that destroyed 2 brand new 12-3 50-foot extension cords before I even got to use them (I am still calming down over that).
So, to close out this blog on this cold and windy January day, I leave you with a few thoughts. In the following verses, I have used a substitution in the American translations that say “Love”. I am pretty sure all these words for love are “AGAPE” but that is not my point in this blog. I have categorized the following phrases in an effort to reflect on the application of love. This passage is a great resource to help explain my point. I am not explaining the passages, I am only using the verses to better explain the American word “love”.
“Love is patient”
- Agape is patient, when it is pure and perfect
- Philia is patient, when it is mutual
- Eros is patient, when it’s not selfish
- Storge is patient, when we are friends
“Love is kind”
- Agape is kind, when it is pure and perfect
- Philia is kind, when it is mutual
- Eros is kind, when it’s not selfish
- Storge is kind, when we are friends
“Love is not jealous”
- Agape is not jealous, when it is pure and perfect
- Philia is not jealous, when it is mutual
- Eros is not jealous, when it’s not selfish
- Storge is not jealous, when we are friends
“Love does not brag”
- Agape does not brag, when it is pure and perfect
- Philia does not brag, when it is mutual
- Eros does not brag, when it’s not selfish
- Storge does not brag, when we are friends
“Love is not arrogant”
- Agape is not arrogant, when it is pure and perfect
- Philia is not arrogant, when it is mutual
- Eros is not arrogant, when it’s not selfish
- Storge is not arrogant, when we are friends
“Love does not act unbecomingly”
- Agape does not act unbecomingly, when it is pure and perfect
- Philia does not act unbecomingly, when it is mutual
- Eros does not act unbecomingly, when it’s not selfish
- Storge does not act unbecomingly, when we are friends
“Love does not seek its own”
- Agape does not seek its own, when it is pure and perfect
- Philia does not seek its own, when it is mutual
- Eros does not seek its own, when it’s not selfish
- Storge does not seek its own, when we are friends
“Love is not provoked”
- Agape is not provoked, when it is pure and perfect
- Philia is not provoked, when it is mutual
- Eros is not provoked, when it’s not selfish
- Storge is not provoked, when we are friends
“Love does not take into account a wrong suffered”
- Agape does not take into account a wrong suffered, when it is pure and perfect
- Philia does not take into account a wrong suffered, when it is mutual
- Eros does not take into account a wrong suffered, when it’s not selfish
- Storge does not take into account a wrong suffered, when we are friends
“Love does not rejoice in unrighteousness”
- Agape does not rejoice in unrighteousness, when it is pure and perfect
- Philia does not rejoice in unrighteousness, when it is mutual
- Eros does not rejoice in unrighteousness, when it’s not selfish
- Storge does not rejoice in unrighteousness, when we are friends
“Love rejoices with the truth”
- Agape rejoices with the truth, when it is pure and perfect
- Philia rejoices with the truth, when it is mutual
- Eros rejoices with the truth, when it’s not selfish
- Storge rejoices with the truth, when we are friends
“Love bears all things”
- Agape bears all things, when it is pure and perfect
- Philia bears all things, when it is mutual
- Eros bears all things, when it’s not selfish
- Storge bears all things, when we are friends
“Love believes all things”
- Agape believes all things, when it is pure and perfect
- Philia believes all things, when it is mutual
- Eros believes all things, when it’s not selfish
- Storge believes all things, when we are friends
“Love hopes all things”
- Agape hopes all things, when it is pure and perfect
- Philia hopes all things, when it is mutual
- Eros hopes all things, when it’s not selfish
- Storge hopes all things, when we are friends
“Love endures all things”
- Agape endures all things, when it is pure and perfect
- Philia endures all things, when it is mutual
- Eros endures all things, when it’s not selfish
- Storge endures all things, when we are friends
Love, what a powerful and misused four letter word.
Charlie, Living Hazzardously for the Glory of our loving savior.