A New Creation

It has been awhile since Charlie and I have shared on the blog. Life has been busy and we have had a couple wrenches thrown into our plans lately, but God is faithful and although His plans are not always what we want, they are always good and ultimately better than anything we can imagine for ourselves.

The last two Sundays, Charlie and I were given the privilege to share our testimonies at church. We shared them as a means of introducing a new ministry that will be starting at the church we attend in Marcell. Life Recovery is a Christian 12 Step Ministry that helps bring hope to the hurting and allows those who are recovering to share hope with others. Charlie and I can both testify to the hope and healing that comes through a relationship with Jesus Christ. We have decided to share our testimonies here on the blog. Our stories are a tiny glimpse of the transformation that can occur through faith in Jesus Christ and the grace that He has shown us in our brokenness.

My testimony is below and Charlie’s will be shared in the coming week. To God be the Glory!

I was born to unmarried, young parents. My mom was sixteen and my dad was twenty. My upbringing was very unpredictable, as my dad was an alcoholic and a drug dealer and could be very violent. We were poor and lived in low-income housing or with my grandparents most of my younger years. My only exposure to church or God were the few occasions we went to the Catholic Church with my grandma. I enjoyed attending church then, but was confused by what I thought of as the “rituals” and felt awkward and out of place. My dad was an atheist and wanted nothing to do with the church of his upbringing. My mom had been baptized and confirmed, but no longer attended church or ever spoke of God, so my exposure to God was very limited. I was never baptized or dedicated as an infant and had no understanding of the true meaning of such holidays as Christmas and Easter.

I was a perfectionist and struggled with enormous anxiety in my preteens. I struggled with an eating disorder and depression. My freshman year of high school I began to rebel and started skipping school and refusing to get out of bed. Soon after, I discovered alcohol and believed that it was my solution to the overwhelming social anxiety I struggled with. I quickly became addicted to alcohol and drugs and went from being a straight A student to dropping out of school my sophomore year. I left home and moved in with my drug-dealing boyfriend and his family. I started working in bars and hanging out with people who would support my habit. I was extremely depressed and full of guilt and shame for the way I was living and attempted suicide on two occasions. I had no God in my life, but would pray in moments of desperation for God to let me die.

I went through my first addiction treatment program at the age of sixteen and again at eighteen, but never took sobriety seriously. I was given a moment of clarity when on July 4, 1995, I left a family picnic driving drunk and rolled my car off a dirt road onto the front yard of someone’s home. I was so drunk that I did not realize that my car was upside down until after I had crawled out of the side window and stood up and looked back. It was the middle of the day and all around me were children in their yards. They just stood staring at me. I escaped with no legal consequences or serious personal injuries, but the reality of how close I had come to killing one of those children has never left me. I enrolled in my third and final treatment program soon after and finally found lasting sobriety. By the grace of God, I have been sober since July 24, 1996.

I became active in AA, but struggled with the God concept and clung to the idea of a God of my own understanding. I met and married my ex-husband who was also in AA after I became pregnant with my first child. We were married for twelve years and God blessed us with two children, Al and Sam. We struggled in many areas throughout our marriage and divorced. I have come to understand that without Jesus at the center of a marriage, it is almost impossible to endure the storms of life. My children are my greatest gifts. They have taught me more about life and love than I ever imagined possible.

Even in my sobriety, I did not know Jesus and struggled with anxiety and depression and control issues. In August, 2004, my mom died unexpectedly from complications of diabetes. Losing my mom was extremely hard for me. She was living in California and I had only seen her once in the two years prior to her death. I had never heard her speak of God and the reality of death and not knowing where she was going hit me. I knew that I wanted to know what I believed, and I wanted others to know, as well. I started attending a church in Savage in August of 2004 during a sermon series based on the book The Purpose Driven Life by Rick Warren. The sermon series impacted me and the Holy Spirit was softening my heart. On Good Friday, 2005, I attended a service which reenacted the crucifixion of Christ. It was then I finally came to understand that Jesus died on the Cross for me and the forgiveness of my sins. I accepted Christ that night and wept for hours in the freedom I experienced.

I have walked with Christ ever since. I became very active in my church. I served in Children’s Ministry, Prayer Ministry, Worship Team and attended many Bible Studies. Most importantly, I came to know God personally through prayer and Bible reading. My church family became my brothers and sisters and God blessed me through those relationships tremendously. I experienced a new freedom and a new happiness that only comes through faith in Christ.

In 2014, I felt God pulling me in a new direction – to a new church. I did not understand why and I fought it for quite a while, but I began to feel more and more disconnected from God in my disobedience. That June, I moved to a new church and while singing in the choir, I met Charlie Hazzard, who I married on June 12, 2015! Our God is a God of second chances and he has blessed me with a man who loves the Lord, and I am so grateful to walk with my husband in Christ. Our blended family has a total of five sons and two male dogs! I am eagerly awaiting the addition of a new daughter-in-law! Finally another girl! (

In my 22 years of sobriety, I have grown so much by sharing in joys and struggles with others. I have stayed active in 12 Step Groups, including both AA and Celebrate Recovery. God has set me free from my addiction to alcohol and drugs, but I still struggle with ongoing anxiety, depression, and control issues. I am always growing and learning how to deal with these strongholds and through faith in Christ, I have been given tools in the Word of God, the 12 Steps, and fellowship with other believers. Charlie and I are passionate about sharing the freedom we have found in Christ with others. We hope to start a Life Recovery Group in the near future and provide a space for others who want to break free from sin habits and become all that God has created them to be!

My Life Verse:

For God gave us a spirit not of fear but of power and love and self-control. 2 Timothy 1:7

I love this verse because I spent so many years of my life walking in fear and darkness and feeling like I had no way out. Christ found me and He saved me. I am a new creation in Christ. There are still moments when I struggle with fear, but I am no longer alone. I am the child of a loving God who will never leave or forsake me. Everyone has this hope in Christ! No matter where you have been or what you have done, it is never too late for a new beginning.